I am completely confused and seek closure.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hello everyone,

Thanks for reading in advance! (its quit a long story im sorry). If my english isnt the best at times i'm sorry as well its cause im dutch.

Allright so i recently split up with my ex GF and i've never felt so bad about a breakup before.
I've done a lot of searching and research when a psychologist i know (friend of mine) said she sounded a lot like BPD.

And by the way im not here to seek revenge on her or whatever i just want to understand what happened to me so i can get a little closure. Cause i went from a fun, enthousiastic, happy and loving guy to a trainwreck after the breakup. I did a lot of research on the internet en read some books and to me BPD would explain everything but ofcourse im not the one to diagnose that, im full aware of that. If she has it I just hope she'll get help for it.

So here is my story:

She always was the quiet type and woulnd let a lot of people close. We hit if of with a great start though and she loved me to bits, she always would want me with her and expressed i was her "soul mate". She never felt safe with anyone but me as she told me a lot.

What did happen though (i only see that now) she never really was interested in my needs or what i did or liked, she always wanted me to come and see her sing, do sports and so forth but when i would play with my band, do my sports or any family related stuff she would bale out last minute with and excuse like: im sick, my back hurts a lot, im not feeling well etc. Even when my unkle died she didnt even ask how the funeral went let alone be there for me.

So 3 months in the relationship things shifted completely, she said she felt empty and didnt know what she wanted (when i look back she never knew what she wanted cause that changed every week from starting a hotel in Italy to i dont want to do college anymore and so forth). I told her i was there for her (i had no clue what was going on). She would be really angry with me if i said: It'll be allright, you'll get through this!

So on a Saturday evening i would perform with my band and she told me she really wanted to come, even texted me a lot the day before, she coulnd wait! When i was building the stage with my bandmembers i got a text message: sorry i cant come. I was really dissapointed and called her, she cried for 15 minutes that her back was killing her so much she really coulnd come but wanted me to have a good time, she also got in a fight with her mum and she felt bad (not about the fight but just bad). I told her i would call her in an hour since we had to do soundcheck.

So i called her back and she woulnd pick up the phone, so i texted her: i've got a bit of time now could you please answer the phone? She said: i'm playing a game with my brother so dont bother me please. Allright... .like what the f***... .i coulnd wrap my head around it. So i texted her: you better pick up cause im completely lost right now... .so i called her again and she did pick up sounding ICE cold. She had nothing to tell me really, she felt empty and wanted to be alone, and hung up. Well i felt $#%^ for the entire evening ofcourse, had no clue what to make of it.

Next day she called me and asked to come over. I did, and we had a fairly good time but then i started to irritate her apparently cause she would say hurtfull stuff all the time. When she went in to grap some clothes, I followed her with tears in my eyes asking her: whats going on? why are you treating me like this? Then she said: i dont know, i really dont know you just irritate me for some reason. We went to bed and i had to sleep in another bed next to hers (normally we would sleep together in the same bed). She said her back hurts so much that she wanted to sleep alone. (i didnt believe her but whatever, I was done argueing). Next morning I just wanted to go home so i wrote her a note saying: Im going home for now, I cant stay here when im treated like this. She woke up while i was writing the note and said: i know what you're doing, please dont! And cried and begged me not to go home. She cried and cuddled up against me and said she was so affraid of me leaving her, i didnt understand. "Why would I leave you?", "I love you so much but I dont feel like you love me that much anymore" i said. She cried and explained she didnt know what was wrong, she said she just was so affraid of loosing me because i became so close to her. We talked for a bit and then i went for a little walk to get my head strait... i felt like i was going insane. When i came back she would lie on the couch with her eyes shut (not sleeping) and totally ignoring me again and not responding to anyting. So i went home.

From here on out it went all downward. She went completely radio silent on me, woulnd respond to anything, texts, calls, skype nothing. Until she texted me in the middle of the night: I am in a really bad place right now and i feel nothing at all, i dont want to drag you down with me so please leave me alone. Well... .what do you do when the person you love so much sends you something like that? For me, i wont leave her rotting in a dark place... so i sended her some texts saying that i will be there for her and i will not leave her (and some more but it came down to that).

3 weeks no contact after that and we were having a party with some friends, she went and so did I. We went swimming and she would just stay in her friends room (party was at her friends house). I went up and gave her a little gift (the day of the party was the day we were together for 5 months). She ignored me and stared off into space(?), i coulnd make contact and the look was just cold and empty i guess i dont know how to describe it, it frightend me a bit to be honest.

[nordim]

Hello everyone,

Thanks for reading in advance! (its quit a long story im sorry). If my english isnt the best at times i'm sorry as well its cause im dutch.

Allright so i recently split up with my ex GF and i've never felt so bad about a breakup before.
I've done a lot of searching and research when a psychologist i know (friend of mine) said she sounded a lot like BPD.

And by the way im not here to seek revenge on her or whatever i just want to understand what happened to me so i can get a little closure. Cause i went from a fun, enthousiastic, happy and loving guy to a trainwreck after the breakup. I did a lot of research on the internet en read some books and to me BPD would explain everything but ofcourse im not the one to diagnose that, im full aware of that. If she has it I just hope she'll get help for it.

So here is my story:

She always was the quiet type and woulnd let a lot of people close. We hit if of with a great start though and she loved me to bits, she always would want me with her and expressed i was her "soul mate". She never felt safe with anyone but me as she told me a lot.

What did happen though (i only see that now) she never really was interested in my needs or what i did or liked, she always wanted me to come and see her sing, do sports and so forth but when i would play with my band, do my sports or any family related stuff she would bale out last minute with and excuse like: im sick, my back hurts a lot, im not feeling well etc. Even when my unkle died she didnt even ask how the funeral went let alone be there for me.

So 3 months in the relationship things shifted completely, she said she felt empty and didnt know what she wanted (when i look back she never knew what she wanted cause that changed every week from starting a hotel in Italy to i dont want to do college anymore and so forth). I told her i was there for her (i had no clue what was going on). She would be really angry with me if i said: It'll be allright, you'll get through this!

So on a Saturday evening i would perform with my band and she told me she really wanted to come, even texted me a lot the day before, she coulnd wait! When i was building the stage with my bandmembers i got a text message: sorry i cant come. I was really dissapointed and called her, she cried for 15 minutes that her back was killing her so much she really coulnd come but wanted me to have a good time, she also got in a fight with her mum and she felt bad (not about the fight but just bad). I told her i would call her in an hour since we had to do soundcheck.

So i called her back and she woulnd pick up the phone, so i texted her: i've got a bit of time now could you please answer the phone? She said: i'm playing a game with my brother so dont bother me please. Allright... .like what the f***... .i coulnd wrap my head around it. So i texted her: you better pick up cause im completely lost right now... .so i called her again and she did pick up sounding ICE cold. She had nothing to tell me really, she felt empty and wanted to be alone, and hung up. Well i felt $#%^ for the entire evening ofcourse, had no clue what to make of it.

Next day she called me and asked to come over. I did, and we had a fairly good time but then i started to irritate her apparently cause she would say hurtfull stuff all the time. When she went in to grap some clothes, I followed her with tears in my eyes asking her: whats going on? why are you treating me like this? Then she said: i dont know, i really dont know you just irritate me for some reason. We went to bed and i had to sleep in another bed next to hers (normally we would sleep together in the same bed). She said her back hurts so much that she wanted to sleep alone. (i didnt believe her but whatever, I was done argueing). Next morning I just wanted to go home so i wrote her a note saying: Im going home for now, I cant stay here when im treated like this. She woke up while i was writing the note and said: i know what you're doing, please dont! And cried and begged me not to go home. She cried and cuddled up against me and said she was so affraid of me leaving her, i didnt understand. "Why would I leave you?", "I love you so much but I dont feel like you love me that much anymore" i said. She cried and explained she didnt know what was wrong, she said she just was so affraid of loosing me because i became so close to her. We talked for a bit and then i went for a little walk to get my head strait... i felt like i was going insane. When i came back she would lie on the couch with her eyes shut (not sleeping) and totally ignoring me again and not responding to anyting. So i went home.

From here on out it went all downward. She went completely radio silent on me, woulnd respond to anything, texts, calls, skype nothing. Until she texted me in the middle of the night: I am in a really bad place right now and i feel nothing at all, i dont want to drag you down with me so please leave me alone. Well... .what do you do when the person you love so much sends you something like that? For me, i wont leave her rotting in a dark place... so i sended her some texts saying that i will be there for her and i will not leave her (and some more but it came down to that).

3 weeks no contact after that and we were having a party with some friends, she went and so did I. We went swimming and she would just stay in her friends room (party was at her friends house). I went up and gave her a little gift (the day of the party was the day we were together for 5 months). She ignored me and stared off into space(?), i coulnd make contact and the look was just cold and empty i guess i dont know how to describe it, it frightend me a bit to be honest.

[nordim]

Part 2, sorry for the long post! I really hope for some opinions:)

Later on she would come down and just sit and talk with everyone but me. So i took her apart and told her we really needed to talk. She went all out on me that i didnt respect her boundries (just because of 3 textst saying i love you and i will be there for you... ) and she was in a really dark place and i woulnd understand her. Then she hugged me really tied and we cried for 1 hour and she said: i cant fix this problem in a relation ship so please leave me. After some talking and crying we went down and she was the happiest person i've seen... .then she would cuddle up on me again on the same evening and post <3 on my facebook page and a photo of us toghter as well... .on the same night, we even had sex again that night, she said she loved me a lot and wanted me to wait for her to fix her issues.

Day after, i was back on the ignore list for 2 months... .worst 2 months of my life. She went on vacation with 2 of her friends and she would send me snapchats every day about her having fun and (i dont know if this is something i take to much note to but) on every snapchat she would send she wears the necklace i gave her and it would always be very clear on the picture). Also we were still in eachothers family whatsapps. So this all feld so confusion and weird to me. I texted her: i really love you but i cant do it like this, im so confused, why wont you talk to me while you're having fun with other people? She replied: I am in a really dark place, you are the closest to me so you remind me the most, leave me alone. After that text she would send me snapchats without the necklace and she included others dudes on the pictures all of a sudden.

So when she was back i basically said to her: I'm comming over to collect my stuff from your house, i cant do this anymore for my own sanity. She would respond really angry to this and said: you dont understand me at all do you? If thats what you want then fine!

So i went over to collect my stuff and it scared the $#%^ out of me to be honest, i didnt know what to expect but she was just sitting there staring out of the window and asked me first thing i came in: Do you ever feel incomplete? ... .well noone is complete right? Thats what i responded with. "Are you happy?" she asked me, so i said: "yes im happy but confused." Then she went comepletely rage mode, she really hurt me back there: "you're already overe me this quik?" ,"You dont look and sound happy!" and "you dont understand me!", "you look at me like im a monster!" pfiew... .i tried to calm her down but she went on blaming me and scolding me for a lot of things i didnt even do... So then i asked her if she understood herself. She said no, so i replied: "how can you expect me to understand you if you dont understand yourself? She went on raging again and when she calmed down a bit she said: i met some hobo's in spain and they are free, i want to be free as well so i might as well go to spain and live with them but i have noone to go with. Then 2 minutes later after some (in her eyes probably "deep" stuff she said) she said: I might as well become a psychologist, a lot of people tell me this!... .(i had to swallow my words cause i was about to say: i dont think you need to become one but i think you need one). At that point im just so confused and kind of done so i said really calm: "im just gonna grap my stuff and leave it at this", i dont want to talk anymore if you're only blaming me for stuff i didnt do. She said fine then gave me a hug (?) and i went on home.

And now shes just acting to the whole world shes happy and completely ignoring me, i even heared her say to her friends that im the one ignoring her...

So here i sit, wondering what the f*** happened.

Any ideas? Could this be borderline? That would explain a lot for me. (her little brother has autism and her mother has a lot of mental isues as well, dont know if this has anything to do with it).

I dont want to get back with her at all, im done with this crazy ride but still I cant let her go somehow... Its not like i want to text her or call her not at all but she just keeps popping up in my head all the freaking time. I've have plenty of breakups but this one is on a whole other level.

Thanks for any advice or your opinions, I really appreciate them!

[drained1996]

 
Nordim, sorry you're having such a tough time lately.  Having read through your story it's easy to see how confused you are about your relationship and things that transpired.  You ask if she is BPD, and we here cannot diagnose that as I'm sure you well know.  However, given your story, she certainly carries many traits of a borderline.  If you will look to the right of the screen here------------------------------------------------------------>
you will find some helpful links.  Also, take some time to read through some other members posts and see their story.  You will find many similar circumstances, some so familiar it may be a little shocking.  You have found a wonderful place to share, gain knowledge, and most of all to heal.  Having been through two borderline relationships myself, I know how mentally, emotionally, and even physically draining they can be to us.  I see you are having a hard time detaching, which is very common in these circumstances.  I think you will find some answers to the many questions you have here. 
So how are you doing?  Are you doing some things to occupy your time and allow your focus to be on YOU? 
We are always here, so feel free to post updates, questions, or just how you are feeling at any time.  Sharing and getting feedback/opinions was very helpful in my process.  It does get better, we promise!   

[nordim]

Thank you so much for the reply! It means a lot to me.

I just feel like I am not the guy from before this relationship. I feel drained and empty but im slowly healing I guess. I am taking good care of myself and went fully NC. Problem is that i see her everyday at work and she is acting like nothing ever happened to her and seems so happy around other people but just gives me the cold shoulder. And after all that happened it just seems like a bit mask she is putting on so other people wont notice this "other side" of her ... .is this common? Could she be ignoring me because I do know this other side of her?

Thanks again, talking about this here, and reading really helps me.

[VitaminC]

Hi there, nordim

I'd like to join drained1996 in welcoming you!  I'm glad you found this site and am sure it will be useful to you, as it's been to me and many others.

It sounds like you've had quite a dramatic time in the last while, with highs and lows, contradictory messages, and hurtful silences. Being confused is perfectly understandable.

" Its not like i want to text her or call her not at all but she just keeps popping up in my head all the freaking time. I've have plenty of breakups but this one is on a whole other level."

Yes, that is a familiar feeling for many people who have had relationships with someone who has BPD. The kind of communication and reactions you describe in your posts definitely rang a bell for me.

Will you have a look at this article?

https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

How do you feel now? Keep talking and reading - it all helps to make sense of things

[VitaminC]

I just feel like I am not the guy from before this relationship. I feel drained and empty but im slowly healing I guess.

You're not the same, you've been injured and are in pain. Healing will take time - but you're making the right steps by posting here and reading.

And after all that happened it just seems like a bit mask she is putting on so other people wont notice this "other side" of her ... .is this common? Could she be ignoring me because I do know this other side of her?

People with BPD have a huge sense of shame; about themselves, their reactions, their feelings (often a mystery to them). At the end of a relationship where the person with BPD (pwBPD) has behaved erratically and 'badly', they'll want to hide from that. The easiest way to hide from it is to pretend it didn't happen, and sometimes to blame the other person for whatever did happen.

Ignoring you is one way of avoiding the really uncomfortable feelings around the relationship, its demise, and the dynamics that caused the whole thing. It's confusing and painful to be on the receiving end of that. The more you learn about BPD, the more you will see that these kinds of coping mechanisms are like those of a young child - pretending the other person is not there if you are too uncomfortable to deal with them in an adult and mature way.

What would you like to have happen? Besides knowing more about BPD, what might help you get the closure you mentioned?

[nordim]

Thanks a lot for that article, i recognize so much its almost scary.

"Our emotions range from hurt, to disbelief, to anger" So true!

I honestly dont WANT to get back to her but whenever i look at her i still feel so weak. I know its bad for me and my brains shouts NO but still my heart says YES somehow.

Another problem is the fact that I am one of the few people that know this "other side" of her so it might look like I am ignoring her to other people... .(and actually i do, because I dont want to talk or see her if possible cause i feel drained everytime i do). So for my own sanity and health i try to avoid her as much as possible.

I am taking good care of myself, playing music, going out with friends, talking to other girls (which seems kind of weird at this point cause I am kind of affraid to get another "distorded catch" if you know what i mean). And yes I do recognize a lot in the article about "knight in shining armour" since I consider myself to be a "good guy". I will always be the one that admits he is wrong just to stop a fight or argument, i dislike fighting and argueing so much i'd rather pull the short straw even though its draining sometimes. I need to work on that i guess.

If i look back i think she knew i was that kind of guy, she knew what buttons to push to make me sad). Weird thing is, she more and more liked to push the button. Its hard to understand for me why...

Thanks again all for the replies, this really helps!

[nordim]

What would you like to have happen? Besides knowing more about BPD, what might help you get the closure you mentioned?

I would like to have no feelings for her at all anymore. I would like that when i see her, i just dont care. I want to just dont care anymore about her. I want to be able to think: I wish her all the best and i hope she will get help some day to get her out of that dark place.

I dont hate her or anything I just dont get it. And probably wont... .ever...
But I am affraid shes gonna do this to a lot of guys. And for now i know it will hurt me if I see her with another guy but even in the long run, she can really dammage people with this behaviour... .

I dont even think i over react, cause the guy i used to be was full of confidence, fun, non-caring (in a good way), happy and generally i would love everything in and about life! I know i will again after this cause i have good friends and a nice family that support me but its still pretty hard and its kind of weird for me to see this stuff happening to me i would never knew existed. (well I knew it existed ofcourse but that stuff will never happen to you right? Well i guess it does... .still a good leason to learn from i guess but its a hard one!)

[drained1996]

Nordim,

You certainly seem to be headed down the right path.  Time will be your friend in healing from your entanglement with this serious mental illness.  The more you do and think of doing for YOU, the more distant the memories and the ruminations.  That's all part of the process of detaching.  As feelings come up, let them happen, just let them run their course and reflect upon them.  Doing some of this and objectively mulling over them in the right state of mind will probably offer you some insight.  You make note of lesson learned, so I'll ask, what have you learned in looking back at things?  Did you ignore red flags that you normally would not?  Do you think there are some things you may learn about yourself in reflecting on the relationship?
These and many other questions are part of what a lot of us have gone through in our recovery... .a recovery that will actually allow us to be better people overall, and much better partners in all types of relationships.  Keep doing the work on YOU!  It does get better!   

[nordim]

Thank you so much for replying and asking me these questions! They really help!

You make note of lesson learned, so I'll ask, what have you learned in looking back at things?  :)id you ignore red flags that you normally would not?  :)o you think there are some things you may learn about yourself in reflecting on the relationship?

I learned to watch my own boundries and stay close to myself.
I learned to not be so naief and stay away from people that feel "toxic" to me or drain me if you will.

YES i did ignore red flags all the way if i look back, love can do crazy things to a human i guess...

I learned that some people are not worth your time even though it still hurts at the moment.
I guess my real "soul mate" is waiting somewhere I'll find her someday.


I have another question if thats no problem?

In my last conversation she mentioned me not being happy and me not looking and sounding happy. Also she thought it would be a GREAT idea for her to be a Terapist... .wich i obviously dont think is a good idea since she has issues on her own... .but is this normal behaviour? part of the denial they are in? The self protective system maby? Shame? By saying these things she might feel better about her self? Cause to me it makes no sense...

How come she can maintain a good relationship with her best friend? Is this because its not a romantic one?

thanks all once again! Its really helping me reading and typing here... it really does! Im so happy i found this website!

[patientandclear]

I think some clues are hiding in plain sight here. She actually explained what went on for her in almost textbook fashion: what happens to her on relationships is that she has an adverse reaction to deep closeness; she feels profoundly ambivalent; she does care about you and that makes her feel an impulse to flee; and she can't (doesn't know how to) fix that. That's unusually accurate reporting for someone with BPD and I think it might help if you simply believe all those things are true, even if that is not how your own feelings work.

It leaves both you and her in a difficult and sad position--she doesn't know how to remain in an intimate relationship without these extreme push away reactions, and those reactions hurt you. I'm sorry, I know how hard it is. Her current carefree manner is likely the product of coping strategies including denial and compartmentalization, which may be the only ways she knows of handling such contradictory feelings. My ex wBPD used to use the word "tragic" often for what happened to us. The same thing has happened to many of his other relationships. Maybe it just is tragic.

[nordim]

True, at first it was hard to accept this but i guess its true. I agree, it is kind of tragic. In the long run more for her then for me i guess. I wish her the best but i really hope she tries to get help and wont hold up this mask cause she is not only destroying herself with it but others as well, and thats whats bothering me. So indeed all very tragic  

[bunny4523]

duplicate post

[bunny4523]

Hi Nordim,

Wow... .your story is very similar to mine even to the point of still working together.  My opinion is she sounds like she has alot of traits of BPD and maybe a few other personality disorders as well.   It is very wise of you to stay away.  I can relate to her having that dark side that she hides from everyone else.  It freaked me out too to see my ex smiling at me pretending nothing happened when they day before he changed the locks on me with my stuff still inside the house. At first I thought he was afraid I would steal something or break something which was ridiculous but come to find out... .he said he was afraid for his safety at night while he slept because he said "I don't know who you gave the key to."  What?  Now I'm a criminal and hire hitmen? Yes I'd have to say, it seems common that they hide behind a mask.  

I also remember the stress of moving out 5 months after I moved in, being engaged, going through the emotions of the relationship failing.  Frantically trying to find a place, packing and moving my boys during the work week (because he wanted us out now, couldn't wait till agreed Sat/Sun) ... .school started the following week. when I told him I found a place... .he got all excited and put up his hand for a fist pump.  what the heck? so weird.

Try not to be afraid of finding another person like her.  If you pay attention to the signs, you will be ok and you will walk away from that situation too.   I wouldn't call my current boyfriend my knight in shining armor but he is sure there for me, fills my love tank, is very generous emotionally and he did enhance my life for the better.   It's not that far from being "my knight in shining armor". I guess the point I'm trying to make is don't get stuck on the words so much and be fearful of them.  I noticed with my exBPD all the emotions came too early... .before our relationship had really developed.  Saying I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you is awkward and questionable a week or a month into the relationship.  But 8 months into the relationship, it's not. So maybe pay attention to the timing of when things happen in your next relationship, not necessarily the words.  Hope that makes sense.

I hope you get to the point where you don't care anymore... .it is a very nice place to be.  When I start to get irritated about my ex and his behavior, acting like everything is great or rumors of him wanting to marry his girlfriend, he still continues to paint me black and then white... .I just refocus on me.  Who am I?  Am I happy?  What do my friends and family think of me?  and then I don't care anymore because I realize how he lives his life... no matter what he does, it does not effect my life.  In his mind, he rejected me but I know better.  He was never my happily ever after, he was just pretending to be and the facade crumbled.  

My guess about her questioning whether you are happy is wanting to believe you can't be happy without her so she can try believe you would never leave her.  Maybe she wants you to be miserable without her to keep you dependent and hooked on her... .

This is a very tough place to be... .there isn't alot of closure from these relationships.  You, unfortunately, may have to provide your own closure.  It is possible... .I had to do that.  It does get easier and you seem to be doing better than many others.  This site is so amazing because people understand, can relate to you.  

You will come out of this and your soul mate is out there waiting for you,
Bunny
  

[nordim]

Thank you so much for your story Bunny,

Seems we both got the short straw but you're fine now i believe? Good for you Gives me hope for the future. I am already feeling a lot better but sometimes she still sneeks around in my mind.

My guess about her questioning whether you are happy is wanting to believe you can't be happy without her so she can try believe you would never leave her.  Maybe she wants you to be miserable without her to keep you dependent and hooked on her... .

Sounds true to me if i think about it. Its so hard to wrap my head around. But thats why its a disorder i guess... i will probably never understand it.

Try not to be afraid of finding another person like her.  If you pay attention to the signs, you will be ok and you will walk away from that situation too.

They wont fool me twice but i am generally really quik to trust people, not always a bad thing but it can backfire as i witnessed first hand

i keep saying thanks to everybody telling their story and analizing mine! I cant tell you how much that helps me!

[bunny4523]

  nordim

Yes I am fine.   Very very happy and very balanced with the whole thing.  I had to realize that trusting someone is not a bad quality to have and I had to forgive my self for "falling" into his trap. (not that he did it intentially) but it felt wrong in my gut and I didn't listen.  I chose to believe him and trust what he was saying.  After he was so mean to me and believed so many awful things about me I had to make a choice.   

I refused to let him ruin me... .turn me bitter against love, change me.  I remember when I finally told my mom... .she was so angry she cried cussing about him... like how dare he do this to you. You've been so independent for so long and you trusted him and you've lost everything now.  He betrayed you... .and I had to stop her.  I said, "mom, no he hasn't ruined me.  I am not bitter.  I am going to go back out there and love just like I always have.   He will not take that away from me.  I had to focus on that so bad.  It was like he ruined the last 5months of my life, I wasn't going to let him even take one more minute from me.

I am the same person now I was in that relationship with my exBPD and there is no drama.  There is so much love and compassion towards one another... .we disagree, get irritated but there is a layer of love that always prevails.  You will find it too and I hope to see your post once you do.

Bunny

Bunny

[Stripey77]

Thank you for that breakdown, Vitamin C.  I am literally being treated as if I were invisible, and we live in a tiny town.

He left to go his home country on holiday in May after waltzing back into my life after a 6 month ST. His last words to me were that he'd see me when he got back in June.


There was an incident 2 days after he got back when someone attacked him for the way he treated me and called him names as well as squaring up to him. He walked out telling me he was evil and doesn't deserve anything from me. I was distraught. He hasn't acknowledged my existence since.

Currently undergoing yet another ST and being treated as if I don't exist. It's clear that he believes that he is unworthy but the pain being on the receiving end is unbelievable. Beyond words. I'm sadly getting used to it. He walks past me, disregards me and acts as I were a ghost. And what did I do to deserve this, we ask ourselves? It's about his feelings for himself, not me.

I will post more on this later, but to Vitamin C, thank you so much for the reminder. To the  OP, you are not alone, and no, this is sadly all too common, it seems. Keep your head up.