Saw the exBPD

[willtimeheal]

 I haven't posted in a while. But today for the first time in over two years I saw my exBPDgf.  I saw her at work. We are returning to school and the first day all the employees meet for opening day. I saw her when we went on a break (I pretended I didn't see her cuz I didn't want her to know I did).  I was surrounded by my friends who love me and will do anything to protect me. She was all alone, walking down the hall looking at her phone. It was so sad. My heart broke for her. When I go to opening day there is one person I do not want to see, her. When she goes there are too many to count that she doesn't want to see. I can't imagine that feeling. Knowing everyone despises you and has no respect for you. I said something to my friend about it and my friend responded, "don't feel bad, that is what happens when you are a mean person, it's karma."
I always thought if her life was awful or she wasn't happy after we split, it would make me so happy. Like she would realize what she had but lost, and I could say it wasn't me!  I wasn't the crazy one! 
But I just felt pity and saddness for her. What a horrible existence. No friends. All her time is spent with the replacement or her kids. She really has nothing else to fill her life. I know she would say that's how she likes it and she doesn't want anyone or thing in her life. But wow, what a lonely loney life. I would never want that for anyone. I guess I am just trying to get my thoughts out and I am rambling. I just am very saddened for her. I do understand she is responsible for her life and no one else. No one can save or change her. And I am happy I got out. Otherwise that would be my life... .a lonely existence.

[joeramabeme]

Hi willtimeheal,

I find it difficult to balance having empathy and sadness for my ex with my own internal drive to caretake and show her that she has so many wonderful gifts.  I try and stay somewhat neutral about my perception of her internal sadness because it has a way of allowing my feelings that I can change or save her to crop in - which I learned I cannot do. 

Do you feel a residual sense of wanting to caretake her into a better place?

JRB

[willtimeheal]

Thanks for the response Joeramabeme.  My main feeling is just sadness. Sadness for her. I do miss her from time to time but I am in such a good place.  I will never go back to that. I have been dating someone new for the past 8 months and my life has really taken off in every sense. I love my life and who I am now. I guess I was surprised more by my feelings. I always thought if she failed miserably it would validate me. But it didn't. It hurt to see her so sad and alone. I wouldn't wish that for anyone. And other  is some residue to caretake there but it is residue that will stay in the  past where it belongs. I am focused on me and my life. She almost destroyed me an  I will never allow that again.

[joeramabeme]

Thanks for the response Joeramabeme.  My main feeling is just sadness. Sadness for her. I do miss her from time to time but I am in such a good place.  I will never go back to that. I have been dating someone new for the past 8 months and my life has really taken off in every sense. I love my life and who I am now. I guess I was surprised more by my feelings. I always thought if she failed miserably it would validate me. But it didn't. It hurt to see her so sad and alone. I wouldn't wish that for anyone. And other  is some residue to caretake there but it is residue that will stay in the  past where it belongs. I am focused on me and my life. She almost destroyed me an  I will never allow that again.

Glad to hear that you have moved onto a better place.  It is really healthy to have the ability to take of yourself and be able to have empathy for your ex; it is a balanced perspective that validates both her and you at the same time.