Out of side sight, out of mind?

[Derek1690]

Hello

I've recently become separated from my partner with BPD, who is now no longer wanting to meet with me in person with regards to dealings with the children, instead resorting to just short text messages.

Is it common for a person with BPD to react like this, as it feels as if she is hair-brushing me out of the picture, as if out of sight is out of mind?

[HopefulDad]

Hello

I've recently become separated from my partner with BPD, who is now no longer wanting to meet with me in person with regards to dealings with the children, instead resorting to just short text messages.

Is it common for a person with BPD to react like this, as it feels as if she is hair-brushing me out of the picture, as if out of sight is out of mind?

Yes, it's common. Even for people without BPD. Tension and emotions run high when recently separated.

[Ceruleanblue]

Yes, I think it's common. I'm doing it with BPDh because I just can't be around him anymore for my own sake. He's so unstable and bad for me, that I have to stay away for my own sake. I've just decided that I don't deserve to be "f" bombed and treated so disrespectully(especially when I don't treat him that way).

It hurts because to us, it seems like they are able to move on so fast, and like they must not have really loved us. I actually don't think BPDh really did love me. At least not the way I think of as love, anyway. He doesn't need to feel connected to love me, and that is so essential for me.

In a way though, I feel like I'm not losing very much, because I didn't feel we had a good connection, and he was not meeting my needs. I try to keep focused on what I'll be GAINING: peace, and end to the drama, and end to the blame and projection. All those BPD/NPD, possibly sociopathic traits I lived in fear of, and tiptoed around, I no longer have to deal with. I call that a WIN! If I feel bad at times, it's because I have the ability to bond, and love, and it's normal to feel sadness. In a way, even our sadness is a gift because it means we are not like them... .

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Derek, It's common to be painted black in the aftermath of a BPD r/s, which is one way that a pwBPD avoids taking responsibility for the b/u.  If it's all your fault, and you're a terrible person, then they are blameless, right?  This pattern could be behind what you are currently experiencing.

LuckyJim