Masters of illusion?

[JerryRG]

Masters of illusion

Talking to a friend of mine yesterday and telling him I went through 19 hours and 40+ emails with my exgf just to get diapers from her for our son.

He told me that where he lives there's an attraction people love to visit. In this attraction are structures and landscapes that are deliberately built and designed to fool the natural senses of the human mind, Illusions.

He described one particular exhibit where a ball appears to roll uphill. He said when viewing this his mind was tricked into seeing something that appears real but in fact is just a trick and not real at all. Thus he was confused, his eyes seen something contrary to the natural laws of reality.

He was attempting to help me understand my exgf, she presents herself as she wants me to perceive her but this is just an illusion. She's a fake, she's a pretend, only a false reflection in someone's mirror.

I thought this made sense to me, I was so confused when I was with my exgf.

Last night and yesterday was a perfect example, she kept me off track with so much drama and manipulation I lost track of who, what and where. Constant state of frustration and confusion.

Thought this may help

[fromheeltoheal]

I went through 19 hours and 40+ emails with my exgf just to get diapers from her for our son.

Last night and yesterday was a perfect example, she kept me off track with so much drama and manipulation I lost track of who, what and where. Constant state of frustration and confusion.

She kept you off track because you let her.  Next time wouldn't it be easier to buy your own diapers?

[JerryRG]

Yes indeed, “Expectations are premeditated resentments”

I will learn eventually and save myself the grief

Thank you fromheeltoheal

[myself]

She kept you off track because you let her.  Next time wouldn't it be easier to buy your own diapers?

Was going to say something similar... .

Why even play the game? Why is so much focus still on her?
She doesn't really force this stuff on you, you allow it to happen.
Maybe there's something in the drama that you're still hooked on?

'Expectations' are fine at times. But you already know where this road goes.

LC= The Least Contact the better. It's Your reality to create.

[JerryRG]

Thanks myself

I'm still stubborn, when she agrees to help I hang on way to long. I was angry she told me last week she would help and now I am still paying all the expenses. Just want her to start being an adult and a parent.

Got this email in responce to telling her to just leave me alone, two weeks ago it was, save her from her abusive bf and her addiction, yesterday I get this:

Got this yesterday... .

You beat me. You raped me. You killed me.
Actually Satan did this all but... (bf) is not abusive, esp what you think it is he did.  You have done way worse and did u sit in jail? Not yet you haven't but you will when God says it's time especially if you keep harassing me.  See u Monday baby boy.

2 weeks ago this:

(Sister in law) had to kick (bf) out of her house last night ... .let's just say it's serious and (sil) can vouch for it but (son) needs a healthy mom. I can give you his money, all of it... .if u just plz help (son) so I can start  stop hiding behind these bars

She promises to help but does nothing about it. I'm almost broke and our son needs support. And it angers me that she says these crazy things about me after bashing her bf. It's just so stupid. I told her last night her emails will be deleted, she's blocked. No more texts, calls, emails.

It's over, what ever happens happens, I'm done trying to communicate with her.

[rfriesen]

Just want her to start being an adult and a parent.

I hear you, Jerry. Many of us can relate to this feeling and sense of frustration. It's not easy to let go of that desire for them to behave as we would expect a decent, responsible person to behave. But if she's proven to you over and over that she does not act that way, it might be time to accept the reality that she's showing you. The more frustrated you get and the more caught up in trying to show her how irresponsible she is, the more power you give her and the more headaches you give yourself.

It's not easy to step away when we feel so provoked. But for your own sanity and your son's sake, do you think you can let go of the hope that she'll change?

It's just so stupid.

Agreed. So best not to engage?

I told her last night her emails will be deleted, she's blocked. No more texts, calls, emails.

It's over, what ever happens happens, I'm done trying to communicate with her.

Sounds like a good step. How will you deal with the emotions next time you feel yourself being sucked into responding?

[JerryRG]

Thank you rfriesen

This time I did better, she asked for help, I gave her the same advice I gave her 2 years ago. I refused to meet with her, I told her up front several time I would never be in a relationship with her. I do realize when I'm upset I am allowing myself to be that way.

I was angry and full of self pity yesterday and people called me on it, I choose to be stubborn and hang on to it.

It got me depressed, frustrated and hopeless.

I did not do what I knew was right.

The truth is I'm not financially sound to be a parent, I thought things would just work out, not planning and not thinking got me into trouble and my son pays for it.

My sponsor said I exude self pity, sometimes I'm not aware of it, it's been my back door escape for a long time.

Now that I'm growing up I realize I want to choose character over comfort. Not always but my selfishness is deminishing slowly.

My son finally went on his potty chair this morning, at my AA meeting I realized how I spent yesterday on the pity pot, my son helped show me what the potty is really meant for.

[Turkish]

That's a great realization Jerry.  It's one thing to have someone wise tell us something, but it's quite another to one internalize it as a possible truth.  If this is the truth you realize about yourself,  what actions are you going to take in order to go down a different path?  Baby steps are OK,  they're the first steps everyone takes.