My worst fear

[FallBack!Monster]

Last night I was doing some late night grocery shopping and ran into my ex with I guess her newest partner. They look happy together. Well he did. She was as usual staring at her phone.  I'm not sure if she noticed me. But I felt nervous. I was hoping she didn't notice me and she never look up. I quickly grabbed what I had in buggy, when to sell check out and our eyes never met. But my stupid behind never left the lot. I figured she wouldn't notice me because I borrowed someone else's car. Around 20 minutes later there they come walking and talking. Groceries in car drove off. I followed them to a hotel. Idk why I did that but I did. Now I feel silly. I'm not sure what I was looking for but I got more than I wanted.
I guess I'm good as long as I don't see her. Feels like I took 5 steps back.   Had to let it out somewhere.

[joeramabeme]

Hey FallBackMonster

Went through this identical situation a few months ago.  Saw her in the store and froze - fight or flight and I chose flight.  Left my cart and walked out the long way hoping she would not notice me.   As you stated, it felt like 5-steps back. 

I felt so immature and conflicted.  So many thoughts about her and us and our marriage and I couldn't find it in me to say hello. I simply thought it would lead to a situation where she would want to talk as if we were acquaintances, which shatters my heart.  She was scared to death of me while we were cohabiting at the end of our marriage and she kept locking herself in every room she went to - leaving me with a stunned feeling of such epic sadness that I still can't describe it.  I wanted to ask her what happened but know that she would never get into it with me - hard to imagine my casually playing the role of acquaintance.

My feelings quickly passed the next day and changed into; I did what was right for me at the time.  Since then I have played out the "bumping into her" scenario a number of times and have decided the best thing to do if this happens again is to simply say hello and just let it go as best as possible.

These simple situations are not so easy, at first.  Glad you shared.

[FallBack!Monster]

Wew ... .you description of what you felt took me right back to that moment.  And yeah to see her act as if we were just distant acquaintances, idk how that would have turn out. I'm glad I ran. Exactly what I would do if it happens again. We didn't leave off on good terms. She did things. I assumed others. She said and did hurtful things and did some too. It was just messy and childish. Today I feel like nobody won. At first I felt she got one over on me but at the time I wasn't aware of that childish view. Now, I see there are no winners or losers. Sh*t happens. But that was a scary moment. Thanks for sharing your story.