Projection Statements

[trainwrecked1]

I've been thinking lately about how many things my ex projected on to me.  Here are a few I thought of off the top of my head.

 - I can't help you
 - I can't believe you are that immature
 - You won't take any responsibility/you are not responsible
 - You have major problems
 - You aren't living a full life
 - You left a trail of destruction in your wake
 - This is karma for all of the wrong you've done in your past

I never understood where he got any of that stuff because it didn't apply to me... .now I know why. Lol
 
Feel free to add to the list.  I'm interested in what projection statement other pwBPD have said.

[nordim]

Mine said:

You dont look and sound happy!

Do you feel complete?

why do you keep contacting me? (I never did)

And the best one: I should be a therapist... cause I understand people so well! Yeah right... .

I was basically the crazy one... I'm detached now and I see the person she really is... weird how they can lure you in and change you for the worst.

[Stripey77]

My VERY favourite one was

"drink less"... .

this was an 'order' issued via text message, after we'd broken up the 2nd time because he'd left me again, by the way.

This coming from someone who is regularly sh*tfaced, who has decorated his living room with empty beer bottles in much the same way a new university student might (he's 37 this year) and who has an entire instagram account dedicated to alcohol. In which he hashtags pictures of his drinks with things such as alcoholics anonymous, no one can quench my thirst, drink... .and so on.  Someone who most definitely is using alcohol to blot out the pain and numb everything.

Oh, and someone who missed 2 dates with me in a week due to basically choosing to get smashed instead, and the 2nd time somehow managed to turn it around on me as a 'lack of communication' when I'd been sitting waiting for him for 3 hours. The next day he began ST again, and 3 weeks later dumped me when he bumped into me because 'we don't work as a couple'.

Probably because I should drink less, I suppose.

[joeramabeme]

My ex had a wagon load of projection-statements.  At the time I first heard them, they caused me a great deal of confusion because I couldn't for the life of me understand why she was saying them.  Well, after reading about BPD, it made a lot more sense.

Here are a few:
- You are like shifting sands
- You are a Jekyll and Hyde
- I always do what I say I am going to do, unlike you

And as a side note, another thing she loved to say to me, that was not a projection - but I find extremely interesting in its absolute truth via the literature; "I will assimilate you"!  Wow!

[Confused108]

It's amazing what these types of ppl actually come up with. Here are the things my ex projected onto me:
You are sick you really need the see a therapist.
You are the one who came onto me and was constantly making comments on my FB page. ( all her btw)
You have a really bad temper
You are very selfish
These were just a few mind you the list does go on as I'm sure everyone's does!

[bus boy]

I heard
- your selfish
- everybody hates you
- everyone hates your family
- your pathetic
- you have mental problems
- you don't know how to protect me
- you don't know how to be a father
I can go on but you get the message

[JerryRG]

I was accused of raping her, engaged 2 months later
I beat her (she beat me up several times)
I killed her
I stalked her (she stalked me continually)
I slashed her tires
I broke into her internet
I slept with her sister
I slept with many others
I had another girl pregnant
I was crazy
Everyone hated me, my kids, ex wife
My councelor couldn't stand the sight of me
Her family hated me
I was immature
I was sick
Someone broke me beyond repair
I couldn't do anything right
I was and am a horrible father
Her new bf is a better father than me (he has no children)
Constantly calling me a liar
I am stupid

[FallBack!Monster]

 
I'm controlling
I'm needy
CONTROLLING
I'm crazy and need to see a therapist
Selfish
Jealous of her and her friends
I want everything my way
I play with others emotions
I triangulated her
Im the cheat
I'm a liar
I'm manipulative
Too sexual
I kept her from all her friends
My cousin and i act like a couple
Said I was nothing and I have no friends
That I was too much affectionate ( but she hugged on me all the time)
Accused me of trying to rape her
I can go on but, nah.

[Kimtexas43]

You're controlling.
You're self centered.
You act like a princess.
You think you're perfect and better than everyone else.
You cater to the kids too much.
Maybe if I were one of your coworkers you'd treat me better. Let's pretend I'm someone from all mighty my employer's company name.

[Nerd_Dad]

Being that it's all crashing and burning right now, this might be appropriate to vent/share; mainly because the end of this relationship was all my fault (marriage of 12 years):

• "You made up me having BPD so you could blame it on me" (diagnosed multiple times without my input)
• 12 years of being nothing but an ass
• Terrible Father
• Never there
• Not emotionally stable enough to support her
• Paranoid (after I caught her cheating)
• Stalker
• Kept her under my thumb for 12 years
• I gave her the "green light" (when she got caught cheating and lying)
• "I don't know how you can just flip a switch like that?" (when she changed on a dime and I didn't)
• I cannot show any empathy
• I was never there for her

It feels like it go on and on though.

My heart is breaking tonight, as this week has been nothing but hell and I don't think it's coming back this time.

[JJacks0]

What sticks out the most:

- I was selfish/self-centered
- controlling
- probably flirting with the guys at work (I'm a lesbian... .)
- She didn't trust me
- I abandoned her
- I didn't really love her

and my favorite... ."not the kind of person she wants to have in her corner."

[Cinlou]

You are sad, angry and depressed
You live in fear
You are a spaz
You are trying to manage me
You are insecure

and my all-time favorite ... .you have an anger issue (this from the guy that has been routinely punching holes in the walls and doors and destroying his own property since he was a kid)

[Splitblack4good]

Best one my ex came up with recently was


"You ruined it again you just can't help yourself "

She was referring to her replacing me.
And another one 2 days ago when I was suppose to be having my son


" your going out drinking with your freinds you're unfit to be a farther "

Translates to I'm going out drinking and I'm a bad mother " I will prob get more over time nothing she says amazes me anymore .

[once removed]

some of these might be examples of statements of blame/accusation and/or what we perceive as hypocrisy as opposed to psychological projection. it can be hard to tell the difference.

explore more here:  Projection Workshop

[joeramabeme]

explore more here:  Projection Workshop

Hi Once Removed

This is a good link and a question comes up around it for me. 

When the non is Painted Black; can this be construed as a failure of the BP's Projection defense mechanism?  In other words, we are projected onto as a way for the pwBPD to attribute their negative feelings about themselves onto us.  When the reasonableness of what they are saying is openly challenged and/or our unwillingness to accept those projections gets too great; are we then painted black as a final protection for their feelings? 

Further, could this be the continuum that many of us found ourselves on?  The more we challenged the projection, the further Black we were turned until the Projection mechanism broke and then we were turned entirely black.

In thinking of my own story, this seems to have a plausibility.  I started to challenge the Projections and stand up for myself.  She tried to minimize the Projections I directly complained about, yet, others popped up across the landscape.  She knew that I was willing to accept less of the verbal assaults and I yelled at her one day and she started to cry and then locked herself in the bedroom and hid from me for 3 months only to come back out and say I want a divorce.  Broken Projection turned totally black?

[once removed]

all reasonable and possible. it really depends on the specifics. when an operative dynamic (positive or negative, healthy or unhealthy, abusive or loving) changes, it will present an obstacle to the relationship.

my ex was diagnosed bipolar. when the rages would subside, she would willingly take all the blame (putting it on the illness), for about the first half of the relationship. im not proud of this, but it became like a weapon for me. anything i disagreed with was dismissed as "an episode", and i could get pretty ugly when i felt pushed. i wasnt split black (unless of course you consider raging) until after the relationship ended.

we all project, and no one likes to be confronted with what they deny. is that a precursor to painting someone black? could be. could be a loss of control. could be a dynamic that is no longer comfortable.

lets use an example:

lets say a partner frequently calls you a bully when you argue. you perceive, or come to perceive your partner as a bully. her calling you a bully would not necessarily be a statement of projection though it might be. it may genuinely be how she feels when confronted - bullied. if at a point you begin to say "no, YOURE the bully", it may not be that youre painted black, but that the perception is reinforced and the person retreats.

[Butterflies free]

My exBPDbf projected the following into me:

Are you happy
You're family hates you
You're such an angry woman
youre a liar
You think you know everything
Go on and find happiness elsewhere it's not here
You left me
I don't trust you
Control freak
Ungrateful
I'm immature
Selfish

Ugh... .It's exhausting all the negativity
I am so glad he is no longer in my life

[steelwork]

- Called me "crazy-making."

- Accused me of "pushing and pulling." (He seemed to think I was "pushing" whenever his own tolerance for the difficulties of our r/s flagged.)

- Once, when I was too busy to talk to him: "You can draw a boundary with me. Don't worry--I won't abandon you if you do."

- In the end, after listing the terrible things I'd done, "If you think you're any kind of victim, you can go f yourself."

I mean, those are off the top of my head

[Thrive]

Here is what what was said to me:
I'm bipolar
I'm pathetic
I've had sex with my male family members
I gaslight him
My father abandoned me as a child because I drove my father crazy
I have BPD
People at work hate me
People at work warned him not to date me (two individuals warned me about him)
I am jealous (he has declared I am never to see a male doctor or massage therapist)
I go to a dark place every two weeks (this was the approx. Time frame for him to end or threaten to end the relationship) (about 36 break up threats - one for every trivial thing he became enraged over)
I think I'm perfect (I don't. I just think I'm someone who does not abuse other people; if that's perfection--so be it)

[Larmoyant]

You're a fake person
You pretend to be nice
Everybody hates you
You don't deserve anyone good
You are judgmental
You are a liar
You are a cheat

I took these things on board and allowed him to erode my sense of self-worth. They reflect what he thinks/feels about himself and he offloaded them onto me. Now, he can have them back.

[StayStrongNow]

Here are some projections fresh texts from a few days ago from the stbxBPDw:

I am so sick of all your insane lies. You are delusional and mean.

You are an awful horrible human. You aren't even human. You are a monster.

First I got angry and let of go of JADE and BIFF for my own balance and reacted by firing back but I just went in a futile circled dance with her.

Now I just thought I wasted my time, she is sick and I need to avoid being drawn in. A big help is I now can't stand the witch, I could really care less about her, take her replacement, PLEASE!

[SoMadSoSad]

The only 2 things i got were you are disrespectful and immature. Maybe not so much projection as it is "THe pot calling the kettle black".

[Lifewriter16]

My favourite of his projections is:

'You need to do an anger management course' - usually said whilst he was ranting at me by text.

My next favourite is:

'You blame me for everything.'

How lovely it is to no longer be caught in that awful relationship.

LW x

[Pretty Woman]

"You are not to be trusted"

This from someone who cheated on me over six times in our 3yr relationship (that I know of).