Saw the recycle coming, rejected it, proud of myself.

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hey folks. Haven't felt this good in a while. I work with my Bpdexgf,  and we've been low contact for 1 month and a half.  I ended the "relationship ". When the push after many other recycles became to much.

Since that period it's been up and down having to see her everyday at work. Late last week I noticed that she was spending a lot of time with another coworker. They would come in with the same coffee cup, exchange glances, dissapear at the same time,  basically it was the same routine as when she was with me. Seemed like at that point they were in full honeymoon stage.

Fast forward to early this week, and the replacement cones into work with sunken eyes, complaining about being tired. I'm guessing he began getting her special treatment. At this point I'm looking at this guy and thinking I've been there chump. Nothing against the guy, but I smartly decided to keep my mouth shut and mind my own business.

As the week goes by I notice that he's spending less time with her. He began having lunch in the cafeteria. I sensed a recycle attempt was coming. On my end I just tried to concentrate on my work, and in a weird way predciting and seeing her actions made me realize even more why I should stay away from her.

Almost like clockwork,  she was waiting for me where I take my break since the last month. So basically she began word salading me and of course blaming me for the relationship then telling me I shouldn't talk to her, then that she misses me, back to me being the cause of her not being herself.  I just told her that's a reason more for us to just remain colleagues.  She answered so you just want to be friends ... .cause she's not friends with any of her exes, which is a big load of bs.

Told her my break was over and had to go back.  She asked for a hug.  I told her that wasn't a good idea and left. Got back to my desk a little rattled but shook it off. After lunch I saw her make the rounds to people she had befriended. Sort of felt sorry for her as she was desperatelylooking for attention and someone to hook in. I know she cannot be alone.  Just feels good to know thats not my problem anymore.

[Rayban]

Hey folks. Haven't felt this good in a while. I work with my Bpdexgf,  and we've been low contact for 1 month and a half.  I ended the "relationship ". When the push after many other recycles became to much.

Since that period it's been up and down having to see her everyday at work. Late last week I noticed that she was spending a lot of time with another coworker. They would come in with the same coffee cup, exchange glances, dissapear at the same time,  basically it was the same routine as when she was with me. Seemed like at that point they were in full honeymoon stage.

Fast forward to early this week, and the replacement cones into work with sunken eyes, complaining about being tired. I'm guessing he began getting her special treatment. At this point I'm looking at this guy and thinking I've been there chump. Nothing against the guy, but I smartly decided to keep my mouth shut and mind my own business.

As the week goes by I notice that he's spending less time with her. He began having lunch in the cafeteria. I sensed a recycle attempt was coming. On my end I just tried to concentrate on my work, and in a weird way predciting and seeing her actions made me realize even more why I should stay away from her.

Almost like clockwork,  she was waiting for me where I take my break since the last month. So basically she began word salading me and of course blaming me for the relationship then telling me I shouldn't talk to her, then that she misses me, back to me being the cause of her not being herself.  I just told her that's a reason more for us to just remain colleagues.  She answered so you just want to be friends ... .cause she's not friends with any of her exes, which is a big load of bs.

Told her my break was over and had to go back.  She asked for a hug.  I told her that wasn't a good idea and left. Got back to my desk a little rattled but shook it off. After lunch I saw her make the rounds to people she had befriended. Sort of felt sorry for her as she was desperatelylooking for attention and someone to hook in. I know she cannot be alone.  Just feels good to know thats not my problem anymore.

[Confused108]

Good for you ! You see how majority of these ppl all have the same script that they act on / read from. I just like to think of them as actors/ actresses on Brodway. They never change . Their part always stays the same. The only thin that does change are their understudies. Stay far far away all you can. Bc as you now know they never ever change unless they get therapy. And majority of them don't and won't. Be proud of yourself!

[valet]

Good job.

My ex also has made it a habit to show up places that I am. She even comes into where I work sometimes. I just ignore her.

Sounds like you have improved your boundaries a lot too with how you treated the new guy. Keep this up and she'll probably give up with you at some point, if that's what you want.

[JQ]

Hey Rayban,

Awesome job! You set your boundaries AND maintain them! Do you know why? Because of the work you have done on yourself! You've read & learned about you, your limits, your behavior and why you were attracted to those who suffer from BPD.  You recognized ALL the behavior that your exBPD was showing and you kept your head about you, calm, collected. When she tempted you ... .YOU remained strong! You stood your ground like a boss & walked away like one.

You have come a long way ... .you have learned much ... .you have done well!

Congratulations Rayban!   

J

[JerryRG]

A couple weeks ago my exgf hit me with a bunch of text stating her bf was abusing her, he is horrible and she needs to get away from him. She practically begged to meet with her in person, then with her pastor, then daycare, finally she was going to interrupt the AA meeting I was attending.

She wanted me to rescue her from her bf, to what end? I can only assume she was searching to see if I was still interested in her, maybe a recycle. Since I didn't fall for her play I will never know the extent of her plan.

These people do not change, they do not get well unless they put the work into recovery.

I will never be fooled again.

There comes a point when what I want has to be decided with logic, knowledge and insight and not controlled by my emotional reaction.

Those games were fun for a while but are unsustainable in the long run and extremly unhealthy.

Time for me to grow up and be an adult.

I'm glad you thought this through and didn't fall for the illusion Rayban

[Confused108]

A couple weeks ago my exgf hit me with a bunch of text stating her bf was abusing her, he is horrible and she needs to get away from him. She practically begged to meet with her in person, then with her pastor, then daycare, finally she was going to interrupt the AA meeting I was attending.

She wanted me to rescue her from her bf, to what end? I can only assume she was searching to see if I was still interested in her, maybe a recycle. Since I didn't fall for her play I will never know the extent of her plan.

These people do not change, they do not get well unless they put the work into recovery.

I will never be fooled again.

There comes a point when what I want has to be decided with logic, knowledge and insight and not controlled by my emotional reaction.

Those games were fun for a while but are unsustainable in the long run and extremly unhealthy.

Time for me to grow up and be an adult.

I'm glad you thought this through and didn't fall for the illusion Rayban

Yes Jerry my ex pulled the same crap with me as well. Told me basically in the same sentence how her brother and his friend molested her and one of her ex boyfriends raped her. All lies btw! After she told me this she started begging me to say I still loved her! I was a fool and believed every word she said. It's so true how they all like to play the role of the victim so their next prey can fall for it!

[Rayban]

These people do not change, they do not get well unless they put the work into recovery.

I will never be fooled again.

There comes a point when what I want has to be decided with logic, knowledge and insight and not controlled by my emotional reaction.

Those games were fun for a while but are unsustainable in the long run and extremly unhealthy.

Time for me to grow up and be an adult.

I'm glad you thought this through and didn't fall for the illusion Rayban

Thanks for that Jerry. She was indeed trying to fool me. Her words seemed fake, the tone of her voice became patronizing, when I wasn't giving in. I saw through her words. I see how she is with other people and it always involves her trying to one up them. I don't want that in my life.


This time was different. I feel stronger because I finally took steps to better my life. I spent months neglecting the people who have and will always support me no matter what. They give me strength and insight.  I had a good talk with my parents,  who told me to learn from this experience and keep walking with my head up, look people in the eye, and most importantly never give her the satisfaction of seeing the hurt she caused me.

She has a serious mental illness and is dangerous because she is high functioning.  Some people are smart enough to stay away, others have become rescuers.  I have to juggle the fact that I work with her. I've come to terms that I'll leave this job if I have to. I'm aware that she might seek retrebution for being rejected by me,  and she is capable of going to management and claim God knows what. 

While I am there I would just like it if other people see herfor what she is. A friend told me that other people don't care.  They are there to work and support their families.  They know well enough not to get involved.  That's the way it should be.  I made a major mistake having a relationship with a co-worker and I will never do this again. 

[Sadly]

Well done Rayban, this is an amazing achievement, be rightfully proud and give yourself a 10/10 and a gold star. Onward and upward, stay strong, we need to read these triumphs.
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