Please give opinion about a potential letter

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Did you feel the need to share specifics of the present lawsuit with your wife because there are aspects of its details that do involve her in some way?

You may have to ride out this period of various conflicts, but I think in the future one of the best things you could do for yourself and your family would be to keep all your confidential information strictly to yourself. It's a shame to have to do this.

[KateCat]

Did you feel the need to share specifics of the present lawsuit with your wife because there are aspects of its details that do involve her in some way?

You may have to ride out this period of various conflicts, but I think in the future one of the best things you could do for yourself and your family would be to keep all your confidential information strictly to yourself. It's a shame to have to do this.

[formflier]

 
Yes... .unfortunately.  Plus there is a bit of a public aspect to this issue.  At the moment it is more of a contract issue, it likely will morph into defamation.

Can you imagine a paranoid person trying to sort through defamatory things being said about their spouse... .

Some of those defamatory things directly said criminal activity or intent existed when it did not. 

I'm usually pretty loose talking about things here and never have thought that I've been "outed" for being on bpdfamily.  Will remain a bit shy about sharing much about this.

KateCat,

As you know... .spousal privilege applies more to criminal side than to civil... .although I believe a spouse can't be compelled to testify against a spouse in civil either.

Imagine the nuke that went off when paranoid theories showed up "on the other side"... .sigh.

No real worry about it actually showing in court, but it certainly made our attorney's/investigators jobs more "interesting".  Created the need for conversations with L about my family.

Yes appropriate steps have been taken to insulate the actual legal work/information from her, yet we still talk about "what is going on" and she occasionally talks to the lawyer.

So... .in a "first things first" kind of way, I need to handle legal.


FF

 

[formflier]

The start of the case/issue had absolutely nothing to do with her... .nor with me.  I happened to be in the frag pattern of a political quest for power, perhaps something bigger.  Still trying to sort out what actually happened... or the actual motivation.  Likely will never know for sure.

Those types of things are tough for "normal" people to take.

KateCat's morning pop quiz.

When you give a paranoid person a confusing situation with a lot of "blank space"... .what do they fill the blank space with?

 

Sigh... .

FF

[KateCat]

Can you imagine a paranoid person trying to sort through defamatory things being said about their spouse... .

Unfortunately for me, I can just about imagine this.

I don't suppose you fall into the "plaintiff" category in this lawsuit, do you? If by chance you do, is there a possibility you can unilaterally exit this court action?

Lawsuits are no fun. But this one in particular seems to have the potential to deal additional blows to a family already in crisis.

 

[formflier]

There are a couple different actions and claims... .and some potential moves still to be made.  Me leaving the "battlefield" unilaterally at the point is unfortunately not really an option.

Potentially this could influence me to settle something, vice get all the way to trial... but quitting really isn't practical and would likely influence paranoia even worse.

I would much rather deal with "how did you trick the judge and jury into believing you" than... "you quit... what are you hiding... ."

Yep... unfortunately I'm well aware that you can imagine this... .can probably imagine trying to figure out which part of paranoia you can "deal with"

To me... .withdrawing leaves a lot more "blank space" to fill in... .rather than a verdict or settlement.

FF

[KateCat]

. . . quitting really isn't practical and would likely influence paranoia even worse.

What is the worst thing that happens if you quit? I see a bad thing happening now--your family being drawn into a widening gyre of battlefields, when a period of peace and recovery is what you all need most.

Any chance you could settle the suit now?

[empath]

She now is legally committed in writing to honor confidential documents and discussions.

What are the consequences for her failing to honor the confidential information?

[formflier]

Worst thing... they get default judgment and it may embolden them to push other issues.

Unfortunately its complicated.  The employment law side is settled.  However, they have violated the agreement, I have yet to file an action to enforce that. 

Impact of my wife's actions.

Not fully known yet.  Likely just a curiosity, perhaps it emboldened them thinking they could press for a settlement.

Plus... quitting leaves lots of legal bills paid by me.  Winning has a decent chance of covering those.

Right now somewhere in $30-40k in legal bills... .  sigh.

FF