Special Events and Being Mean

[trainwrecked1]

Hi All,

I have been thinking about these two issues in particular lately.

1) Why did he/they get so mean towards the end?

Towards the end, he would purposely do things that would cause me pain.  Once he blocked me on FB  while  we were in the middle of an argument (it kinda felt like he wanted to gt the jump on me, although I had no intention of blocking him because I didn't think our disagreement was that deep).  Instead of a yes or no answer, he began saying maybe knowing how much it bothered me.

2) Did your pwBPD try to sabotage special events in your life?

We celebrated a very special accomplishment in my family and I was planning the party.  He agreed to help me get things together all through the relationship.  The Friday before the party I asked him to come help me and he started saying he had plans but wasn't going to be "tied up" all weekend with this party and if what help he offered wasn't enough, then he wouldn't help me at all.  I was very hurt by that.  Day of the party, he came and although he was helpful, he was kinda standoffish.  Acted like he really didn't want to be in the pictures when I took selfies.  He didn't really join in the fun at all.  He was even angry that he got to the venue before me (my family told me he said something smart).

Is this common?

[trainwrecked1]

Also one more question... .

Specific to men BPD's, are they prone to job loss?  Do they look to women to take care of them?  My ex, his ex wife pretty much paid for everything while he stayed home.  That never set well with me.

[xDash]

Mine did the same.

He would always answer with "maybe", "it's up to you", really like he couldn't be bothered.

As for special events. He never really cared for them, my birthday or our anniversary was like any other day to him. Just not his birthday, of course

[Sadly]

Mine always blew just before a holiday. Many where touch and go, right up to ending up in separate cars at the airport once. He brought it up once, asked why I always wrecked us just before our holiday ! By then I'd given up arguing, it wasn't worth it. Also he always managed to argue just before Christmas, so instead of being with him and his family, who love me by the way (well his dad doesn't but then he doesn't like anyone) I have spent the last two Christmas's alone. Don't know why they sabotage supposedly happy times in sdvance, would love to know the answer. X

[Fie]

Yup, same here. My birthday, a family member's birthday, a holiday, Christmas, name it. Even going out with friends was a possible trigger. Most of the time I ended up going by myself because he was too angry.

Could have to do with not standing that the attention is going to someone else then themselves ... .however I think with my BPDex, it could have been the stress involved.
Not only negative, also positive stress seems to trigger them.

I will never fully understand this disorder ... . 

[pfeiffj1]

I think what you are describing here is text book BPD.  If he didn't act this way, I would question the diagnosis.  They always act like 5 year olds.

[Pretty Woman]

Yes. Any special event was completely ruined by my BPD ex. Once, I sat in my car outside a holiday party for two hours arguing with her on the phone. She dumped me and I had to go into this party I was two hours late for.

This was one of many times.

My best friend (a guy) was getting married and she was my date. This friend and I used to sing in a school choir together and were set to sing along with his best man (another HS alumn) at the reception.  My ex picked a fight with me in the washroom saying I wasn't paying enough attention to her and I completely missed singing with my friends.

I will never forgive myself for that.

Then, she went on the dance floor and grinded the father-of-the-bride in front of his wife. It was mortifying.

Over a year removed from this relationship I see things much clearer. I am now in a very loving relationship with an amazing person who doesn't break up with me over every little thing. That took a lot of getting used to! I can't believe how amazing holidays are without fighting and being called an "a-hole". I don't miss her anymore. I just regret it took so long to remove her from my life.

[petedrexler]

Yep! And I'm glad to hear I'm not alone.

Broke up with me before Thanksgiving.

Backed out of going home with me for Xmas the night before.

Broke up with me before my birthday.

Messed up my book launch and book tour.

But boy, did we celebrate her birthday!