feeling proud of myself

[Rickybee]

Hi all, hope everybody is managing the best they can at your different levels of suffering and detachment from your ex narcs/BPDs

Feeling proud just declined the pending fb friend request and blocked her, after her messaging me a month ago acting as if nothing happened and wishing me well "i replied in very short simply saying thank you" she waited 2 weeks then sent me a freind request, i didnt except and waited and waited for her to say something else, but no... not a sorry... nothing... just a  friend request as if we ar cool again? so insulted... does this girl even realise everything she did to me? so... got fed up with waiting for a sorry,i certainly wasnt going to open dialogue with her and ask for answers... gave her a window... now ive blocked her... the end... forever... .what an awful evil human being... .if anybody has read my previous posts they will know how badly i was treated, all the usual... manipulating, gaslighting, lying, cheating, and sudden cruel discard and ghosted for over a year, this girl messed with my head and manipulated me on epic levels of cruelty... she don't deserve a my dialogue, still curious as to why she messaged to ask if im ok after my surgery and why she send a friend request... ill never know, open to suggestions? but my guessing is still that she just wants to be nosey and to hurt me mor by rubbing in her relationship with my replacement... this girl thrived and enjoyed my pain, she abused my good qualities and genuine kind heart and enjoyed destroying me... lied to her people to justify her hurting me, made me to be a monster and her victim, i was the victim and was blind to all her evil games and fabrications, she pretended me and her were happily settled down planning for family and mortgage whilst doing all that behind my back... affair etc  man... it still hurts but im use to it and can see clearly, perhaps this has triggered me back into thinking a bit about it after her contacting me

[UnforgivenII]

We understand you so much. I have been ghosted too and now... .he is outside my home waving his new woman in my face.
Being ghosted is better.
They want to hurt us. Do not fall for it. Do not fall for fake excuses ( which often they do not bother to offer us)

[Rickybee]

@unforgiven... thank you for your message, i've read some of your posts and I relate to a lot of it, I had my replacement move in our place a couple days after I left after finding out about there affair, she never spoke again to me for 1.3 years... then the above happened... in the immediate aftermath all she did was post happy pictures of them on fb and send clever messages to me to hurt me via her photos... little special things only me and her did in the few good times she was doing with him, its like she tried to destroy my soul and did it in such a clever premeditated way it was so effecteive, i almost ended my life as the trauma and shock was just to much to handle at first, utter disbelief followed by intense anger and confusion, deep depression, loneliness... come a long way in just over a year, a long way in being well read on these disorders... makes it all easier to except eh? i guess tonight for the first time in a long time ive felt the need to reach out for some support, the replies i get on here at times are just enough to keep me going NC... it holds me back from telling her exactly what she is and let her fully know im aware of everything she did to me now and fully in the picture and know alot about her illness, which is pointless... .she played me like such a fool and abused my kindness and love cleverly, so unfair but i must let go of it and let her think she won her sick game

[JerryRG]

Congratulations Rickybee

I gave up so much of me to be with my exgf, and now that I'm getting myself back and more, I won't be giving my exgf anything but my silence and indifference.

Her loss

[Rickybee]

Very wise Jerry, after so much thought and reading on this, it really is the only way, NC bye forever, its stirred up emotions and sadness again for me this evening for sure, but I'll keep going, I have too... Thank you and I wish you the best on your journey

[Butterflies free]

Rickybee,
 You have EVERY reason in the world to hold your head up high and beam with pride. It is not only strong willed and courageous, but, it also shows compassion and love for yourself. Avoiding conversation is the only way to move forward with a healthy frame of mind, than to engage in conversation and find yourself back peddling while looking through the rear-view mirror.

BPD does not allow her to "own" her responsibility or be accountable for her transgressions. Therefore, to admit, or apologize, or give you what you what you wanted/needed from her, would inevitably spiral downward and once again turn out badly. They are far-sighted when it comes to the "big picture"... And perhaps, that's to their benefit... .looking at the vast world with dwarfed emotional development would certainly add to their cruel outlook of themselves; and take you down in the process once again.

I have been NC w my exBPDbf for almost 15 months. We live in the same zip code and he was my crush when I was 15... .33 yrs ago... .What separated us was a stop light and 2 stop signs... .and I never knew he suffered w mental illness... .

I am stronger now, more than ever before and I have my therapist, my friends and this support group to thank for this accomplishment.

Keep it up. Stay true to yourself!
You are worthy and valuable and deserve to have a happy, peaceful heart.

[Rickybee]

@Butterflies free... thank you so much for the kind words, reading that means a lot, what you say is true, and likewise you deserve a happy peaceful heart too, nobody deserves what these disordered people put us through, this changed me forever, but oh man am I wiser and stronger for it, stay strong, and keep discusssing on this site, it has helped me so much over the past year, although I don't post often I read daily, its therapy in itself, and it keeps it fresh the realty of the fact that my ex has a serious mental health problem that makes her want to hurt people in the most inhuman ways emotionally

[Rayban]

Rickybee you've made the right decision.  Keeping any door open will give her an invitation to use and ultimately cause more pain. I believe that once they know we have seen behind their ploys then we become an enemy.  Keeping contact open, allows them access to draw us back in. It could be for triangulation, false accusations, and ultimately to project their misdeeds on.

Staying away allows us to grow and improve. You have every reason to be proud of doing what's right for you.

[amunt]

Rickybee you are my hero , good job brother 

[Rickybee]

Thank you for the words of encouragement, tbh I feel I'm left no other choice but to continue strict NC, she is still with my replacement and still did what she did, there will be no talking she did so much damage there is nothing to say, remember what your BPD's did to you... if it was malignant like my story then you really have no choice, about a year and a half it took me to reach this level of detachment, after a 4 year emotionally abusive relationship, those of you in the early stages of being discarded and replaced over night, it feels hopeless at first and you loose your mind, just hold on and be patient, feel the emotions your feeling, in time you really do get better, I'm not fully there yet but thanks to this site i'm at where i'm at, reading peoples experiences and seeing the traits and same behaviour in other peoples stories saved me in the early stages, keep reading and posting... My log in time on this site says 4days and 14 hours, that is how much i have been engaging with this site in the last 1.5 years

[Butterflies free]

Ricky,
I am NC for 15 months w my exBPDbf. No sooner did we split, he was on MATCH.com. I humiliated him for it. ... oh well... .then he got back w his exgf the one before me... .he just dumped her a month ago... .she's a yo-yo but, I think she's BPD too...

Once I realized he was BPD and not bipolar, knowing that there's no cure and how we will never have peace and happiness, gave me solace... .he lives with the demons everyday... .in darkness... .not me... .

Your ex is in the same boat with my ex... .they will die alone, unhappy and broken

Stay strong
Move forward don't look back, when the past calls, they having nothing new to say
Don't think you're missing out on something new with someone old... .