He was negligent with keeping track of his tablet, but now I'm to blame

[misuniadziubek]

So I was hanging out with my boyfriend on Saturday. I'm fixing his car. He had his tablet with him. He's working in our garage there's not a lot of places to put it. He ended up handing it to me. I asked him what you wanted me to do with it. He told me he doesn't care. So I put it on the driver's seat of his car that he's working on. That he's unlikely to drive.

He then proceeded to forget about it. I told him where it was. And apparently today for days later. He's got into the driver's seat and he sat on it. Breaking the screen.

And I've not been over there since then. But it's my fault. Because he didn't look before sitting down.
.I get a series of angry texts. Aggressive stuff.

And so I tried really hard not to Jade. I simply acknowledged how frustrating that must have been. How it adds a lot of stress because it's going to cost money to fix and how I'm not surprised he's angry with me, but I'm very regretful of not making sure it was in a safer place. At first I got some passive aggressive messages.

I even offered to help him pay to fix it. And then a message. It's okay. I love you. Just be more careful.

Ten minutes. And it worked.

Of course meanwhile. This situation left me pretty distraught. When people dose to me are angry it triggers me into flashbacks. And so I had to work to self soothe and calm myself down into the present moment. Got under a blankey and started to write down my emotions ans thoughts and how validating my bf was better for me and the physical sensations I was experiencing due to his dysregulation.

I'm frankly impressed with myself.

My first reflex reaction would be to get super mad and point out that if the tables were turned he'd be blaming me for not taking better care of my stuff and not looking where I was sitting. That he psut my tablet where he thought it would be safest and I messed up.

Oh well. This feels better than that. I get to feel loved instead and anger turned into compassion.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

 

Well done, you let him vent his frustration, and obviously there is bound to be some. Didn't rise to feed an escalation. You saw what you did, accepted it was a bummer, but you handled it well, and in return validated your own qualities.

It could have escalated so much into mutual invalidation and gone off on a tangent anywhere.

So much can be achieved once we stay off the blame train

[Notwendy]

   Miz, you are doing so well

[SettingBorders]

That's cool! Congrats you found a way of getting out of this situation feeling good!

I don't want to be a spoil sport thought, but didn't you take the blame by offering to help with the fixing costs? Probaply that was what calmed him down. His answer, that you should be more careful next time, points to that. Do you think you managed to confirm your boundaries here?