layers of pain

[bus boy]

I've posted on here often times about my pain, a pain only the good people on here can understand. Layers of pain, as I removed one layer another one would appear. I realized why old memories were popping up and it was another layer of pain to deal with. It was a painful process to re live it but it was for the best. After xw final discard I was empty, crushed and broken hearted. I cried a lot. I slowly got better as I walked through the layers of pain. The longer I was away from her emotional abuse the more pain I was able to process and it got to the point where I was able to process her abuse as it happened and get it out of my brain. I didn't respond to xw's texts, I did not answer the phone, on the few occasions I did answer, I gave her chances and kept steering the conversation back to topic, if it kept getting off topic or got abusive I would simply thank her and hang up. Now I am doing affidavits for family court, I was in fear of re living my journal but it is great therapy, as I go through my journal I cross off that page and that piece is out of my brain. I told my T my head feels empty. Putting my journal to affidavit page by page is like closing another chapter from my past. It feels great to cross each page off. When this is all done my journals are going in the wood stove.

[heartandwhole]

Good for you, bus boy    You sound strong and determined to recover and move forward. I have no doubt that you are doing just that—step by step.

I have also burned journals in the past, it feels good to let go of old ways of thinking and reacting.

Your post reminded me of neuroplasticity. Isn't it wonderful that the brain can change and evolve over our lifetimes? They say that "neurons that fire together, wire together." It sounds to me like you are doing some rewiring, bus boy, and I'm happy for you.

heartandwhole

[JerryRG]

Way to go bus boy

I'm very happy for you.

I appreciate your honesty in the posts you share, it's good to see you in less pain and having better days. You have helped me in many ways.

Keep posting your success, it inspires hope for me and others.

[bus boy]

Hi heartandwhole, thank you, I am re wiring the whole house.

[bus boy]

Hi JerryRG, thank you. It's a pleasure to know my posts help. I get so much out of reading your's and other's posts. I owe so much to BPD family and my T.

God bless