What happens if my BPD ex GF finds out if I am talking to other girls

[stewlion07]

Hi Team,

I have a tricky one, despite all the advice I am desperately to reconcile with my ex GF who has BPD traits... .Non violent but she defiantly is high on the cluster B.
I am wondering what it will do to her if she finds out I am talking to other woman? I am not dating but when I post something on FB girls are posted stuff like call me back or looking forward to visiting you? Should I delete these from my wall?

She ended , but is still engaging with me... .So I don't want her to flip out or pull back from me... .I am currently in another country and will be for some time... .she was supposed to come with me...   and we had a massive fight and have been broken up around 9 weeks... .She messaged me and says she can tell I am in a good place now ... and then tried to start flirting with humor etc... .nothing serious but based on previous recycles she is starting to come around.

Will it have adverse effects if I have woman chatting to me on my FB wall or will it bring her closer? I am currently hiding those interactions as I don't want to lose her for good... .And I am not playing in to the flirting from other woman as I don't want to disrespect her and I know she will retaliate in a more severe manner if it is going to have adverse effects...

I don't want to play games ... .so the best advice possible please team... .

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[jrharvey]

Just my opinion. She dumped you. You should be taking care of yourself. If she disguards you and you want to date then you should date and talk to other women. I don't know about your ex but if she is like any of the girls I dated in the past she is probably talking or dating other guys since she broke up with you.

About BPD. Its not going to be good either way. Most likely she expects you to be crying over her and unable to talk to any girls. No matter what she is doing most likely she expects you to be heartbroken and waiting for her to return. When she finds out you are not doing that it may anger her. So many times I have read stories about women with BPD breaking up with their boyfriends, dating other guys and then trying to get back together but accusing them of cheating because the guy dated while they were broken up. So many times I have read this. I have even read stories of women that actually cheated in a relationship. When confronted they said oh its because I wasn't in love with you so its ok. Then she breaks up with him. Then he dates a girl. Then she comes back, charms him back in and they date again. He will be exclusive with her but she finds out he dated while they broke up. Then it goes crazy. She thinks he cheated and suddenly cant trust him. Ive heard a guy on here say this same thing happened to him. When he told her how she cheated on him while in a relationship and he was just dating while she broke up with him she came up with excuse after excuse and continued to punish him for "cheating".

They live in their own reality. No matter what really happens they use emotional reasoning. They feel like they didn't cheat. But they feel like you did cheat. So to them that is the 100% truth and you cannot convince them otherwise.

[livednlearned]

The relationship is currently shaky, and you want her to feel safe enough to return. At the same time, people with BPD have a really hard time with trust. She also probably needs to know that you are confident -- this assures her that you can be strong enough for the intensity of her emotions (and behaviors).

That leaves you with: she doesn't trust easily and needs you to be confident.

What would a confident, trustworthy person do in this situation? 

[jrharvey]

What would a confident, trustworthy person do in this situation?

I think it depends on who you ask. In my opinion a confident and high value man with plenty of options would not allow a woman to treat him this way. If  girl throws away a high value man and he has plenty of options then he wont waste his time waiting for that girl that just discarded him. He will think "if she isn't interested there are plenty of fish in the sea".

Most normal women will see this as fair however I believe borderlines see things different. Its a distorted way of thinking. They might believe they threw you away because they love you. They love you so much they couldn't be with you so they discarded you. Then when they see you with someone else they may feel like its a betrayal because they have feelings for you and your with someone else. Your not playing by their game. Even though they openly broke up with you their feelings are hurt and they may rage and punish you if you let them.

My opinion here is that if a truly confident and high value man meets this raging and punishing borderline he will ignore her threats and manipulation and simply tell her that she had her chance and blew it. If she threatens suicide then call the cops.

If you give in to the FOG she will try to apply then it will lead to a whole lot of pain.