Splitting from Black to White

[Willis002]

Here's a link to my story so you can better understand my question in regards to my situation.
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=299290.0

I was wondering since my ex split my black so quickly and suddenly, do you guys think she can easily or show split me white again for no reason. There might be many triggers that could send her back to how things were. Our relationship was very good. She would question our relationship but looking back that was actually okay now that I know she had BPD. This is the first time she really has broken up with me and has insisted that I don't contact her. Of course she is giving my the silent treatment and has a hard boundary now because she threaten a restraining order only 12 hrs after breaking with me. I want to know if there's a decent chance she will see positively again. If this happen I feel we can try to work on our relationship. She is the silent type and doesn't date around. I really feel she thinks she needs to be alone so she doesn't hurt people. She said she ruins everyone's lives.

Please help. I'm currently just dating and waiting to see what happens. I really want her back and know there's a lot of work that will need to be to make this a healthy relationship for both of us.

Thanks in advance!

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[Willis002]

I sent her one last message today with my other Facebook account. She blocked more shortly after but I was hoping to use this to my advantage. I told her I was sorry. That I was going to start dating other women. I wished her the best and told her I'll never contact her again and I said good bye using the nickname I called her. We both had nicknames for each other.

[Meili]

Being split black and blocked is hard. The ending of a relationship like this is hard enough without dealing with things like that. But, there is a gift that can come from the silence if you want to receive it.

As for a chance to turn things around; well, there's always a chance. It takes a lot of work and a lot of self-reflection.

This is where the silence becomes a gift. It gives you the time to focus on yourself, your role in the relationship, and why you want to be in a relationship with someone who hurts you.

[Willis002]

I'm definitely taking advantage of the silence. I just really miss her and want her to at least talk to me. I'm going to keep NC now and hope in a few weeks to a month that my strategy of telling her I'm starting to date again will trigger her to rethink her actions. She's on the too close part of the spectrum. I want her to start leaning towards feeling abandoned. There I think I have a chance to work with her

[Meili]

I'm going to keep NC now and hope in a few weeks to a month that my strategy of telling her I'm starting to date again will trigger her to rethink her actions.

I'm not sure that manipulating her into taking notice of you is the best plan is it?

[Willis002]

I really want her back. Do you think this will backfire. I'm not that kind of person but I'm drawing at straws now

[FallBack!Monster]

I really want her back. Do you think this will backfire. I'm not that kind of person but I'm drawing at straws now

I don't post a lot but I read all the time. I to was thinking of giving him a chance. I don't like people telling me what to do with my self and my feelings. Then I realized here is a support group but more like your own personal friends trying to do what's best for you according to the initial story you tell.
 
I gave my ex a chance but it was like he didn't know how to be with me anymore. I was trying but he appeared awkward. Like was uncomfortable and shy. That's when I stopped trying. I don't know what I was trying for but I knew it wasn't going to workout again. I'm hurt hurt hurt and I would like the man I feel in love back but now I Donno who he is. I want to say Who are you and what did you do with my B.

 I don't think telling your ex you're dating to get a reaction is going to work in your favor. A lie like that to me is silly and make things worse. But for the sake of hoping for at least one happy ending on this Web forum, I hope you get your way. hopefully my short story is of some help to you.

[Willis002]

I wasn't a lie. I have already went on a date. A found out after the date I'm definitely not ready to date and or give up on her. I'm going to try and live my life and see if she comes back. I hope she does. I know I'm not perfect but I did very little to cause this break up. Thats why when she wakes up I hope she can remember the good time and how much we loved each other.

[Willis002]

Can someone answer this question. Can your ex split you back to white? Not all BPD ex's are the same. She really truly cares about me. Do you think after a few more weeks of no contact that she will start to realize what she did?

[Meili]

Yes, they can, but it seems that the idealization phase is never like it was the first time and does not last as long.

Have you read the article about How a Borderline Relationship Evolves?

Even if she does realize what she did, do you think that she could handle the emotions?

pwBPD feel emotions more intensely than others. If she starts to feel shame and regret, her maladaptive coping skills are likely going to kick in. This can be why they split us black in the first place. Because they cannot soothe their own emotions, they project them onto the non and blame the non.

It might also help if you take a look at the 50 Top Questions About BPD and BPD Resources.

[Willis002]

That makes sense. I feel like since she has such a high self-awareness of what she has and that she know's she lost a lot of people because of her behavior that she will try to make contact with me as long as I leave her alone. I've gone week stretches and tried contacting her. I've stopped now. I feel once a week passes and they start adding up something will change in her and have her miss me. I've said in other posts she's not a liar or cheater. When I spoke to her best friend during that week this all went down... .She said she's never seen her like this before. She says she just want to be alone and that I did nothing wrong. Those are words coming from her best friend and my ex saying I did nothing wrong. The manner of her breaking up gives me hope.