I don't know what to do

[ladyraven]

I've been in an 8 month relationship with my BPD partner. It's long distance but we've met. We've broken up and gotten back together I don't know how many times. I've been called every name under the sun. I've had her dangle other woman in my face. I've had my past abuse shoved in my face. I've been told I'm just like my mother (whom was horrible to me). I traveled 2 and a half days from California to Canada just to be with her and it wasn't enough to prove my love. The latest problem was because I didn't move to Vermont for her (I didn't want to leave my kids behind and I couldn't handle her rageful fits anymore.) After I blocked her on Facebook and other social media pages, she messaged me telling me she'd seen the light and understood that I couldn't leave my kids and it was too soon for me to decide on moving. So, after a few days of hell and "working it out". We are a couple again. For the past two days I've been on a love high. She's been a absolute angel. After a great night I was laying in bed and I discovered that you can send messages through Instragram. I sent her a TastyMade video, thinking I was sharing something she'd like. She became triggered and tried to discard me and I found myself begging her to stay. I love who she is when she's not triggered. But, I have Complex PTSD and I don't know how much more I can take of her rage. I'm up at midnight because I can't sleep because I know she's going to freak out on me in the morning. Regardless of if I reassure her I wasn't talking to anyone. She would be furious if she knew I was typing this right now. I hope she can't hear me typing. When I break up with her she always finds a way back in. I know it's my fault for letting her. She has broken down my support system and knows all of my weak spots. I know this should be easy because of the distance. But, the suicide treats are bad. So are the threats she makes. Such as texting my ex-husband or calling my family and friends. I have an appointment tomorrow with my counselor and she will freak out if I go to it because of her jealousy issues. She won't let me get off the phone to go into my appointments alone. She has to listen. Honestly, I'm scared and I've become so consumed by her I can't think straight. PLEASE HELP!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Hi ladyraven,

Glad you found the site, and sorry for what brings you here. It takes a lot of strength to not be emotionally injured by a BPD relationship.

It sounds like she has no boundaries, and your own boundaries are weakened -- this makes it easy for the relationship to destabilize easily. We can help you learn communication skills and understand what drives some of the behavior (this helps to depersonalize it).

What do you do when she threatens suicide? That has to be incredibly painful for you, and for her.

[ladyraven]

I usually beg her not too. I know that it's a show to avoid abandonment. Her mother tried to commit suicide at one point so I know that it is a behavior learned by her family members. I've tried reading up on BPD a lot. Thinking that if I understand her disorder it will make things a lot better. But, I feel like I'm at a loss for words half of the time. Because of my CPTSD I tend to withdraw when she's angry and that makes it worse. She woke up triggered and I tried to calm her down. It sort of worked but then she got triggered by something else and said "I'll just kill myself." I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I want to help her but I feel like I can't. I feel like nothing I'm doing is working only making it worse.