As some of you may know, my wife's behavior improved significantly back around the time I had shoulder surgery back in March--which also happened to be after she finally started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist who prescribed mood stabilizers for "Bipolar II." Her behavior started slipping back around June or July. She has previously told me that she is uncomfortable with the pshychaitrist's advice that she increase her dosage.
Last night, she casually mentions that she has not refilled her prescription and has not been taking any of the medication for several weeks!
From my perspective, this explains why she has been angrier and has had more problems with other issues (impulsiveness, for example) in recent weeks. From her perspective, she has "been doing much better lately."
Here are some examples from this weekend.
I started making burgers for lunch. I needed to get a knife our of the drawer to separate the frozen burgers. The drawer came crashing down and I reacted by saying "Oh god!" I did not get very angry, I simply expressed frustration that there was this large pile of silverware I had to clean up. She acted like I had flown off the handle and would not leave me alone. She said that I had been "edgy" all day because I had reacted when she yelled at me earlier. (I had noticed some possible damage to a trunk my father made and asked for her opinion. The painter, who could have caused the damage, was coming over to continue painting. She was getting ready to take our daughter to soccer and said I should just ask the painter. I wanted to get someone else's opinion before I confronted him about it, so I reminder her that I had asked her to look at it. She blew up at me as if I was insisting that she look at it right then and there. I got a little defensive, but I did not respond in kind.) After the accusations while I was cooking, she would not leave me alone about being "edgy" and asked what she could do to make me less edgy. I said that I needed to be able to cook in peace. She brushed right over that and repeatedly asked what she could do because I was so edgy. I finally drew the boundary and said that she could either give me some space or take over cooking. She backed off.
There were a lot of problems in her interactions with out son over the weekend as well. His phone broke on Friday and he was eager to get a replacement. On Saturday, he repeatedly lied about things that we easily noticed were lies. For example, he said that he started laundry when he had not. She got very angry told him that he was not going to get a new phone on Sunday because of the lies. He responded with anger and bargaining--"I swear I'll do it! So I can get the phone, right?" She repeatedly told him it was not up for negotiation. I agreed. Then she suggested, maybe we could get the phone (since it would be inconvenient during the week), but he could not have it on Sunday. I agreed with this because of the difficulty in buying the phone during the week--as long as he did not get to use it. Come Sunday, she went out and got the phone for him, and given it to him to use while I was grocery shopping! I pointed out that she had said he could not have it that day and she said something about "looking at the big picture" because he "had done his work." I had to point out that we had repeatedly told him that doing his work would not be enough to get the phone back because lying was the problem. She finally conceded that she was inconsistent and that she should have stayed with the consequences, but denied that it had anything to do with impulsiveness.
I have been afraid that she would reject the medication because:
1) She has always had an anti-med bias.
2) She has the history of denying that she has a problem and of shifting blame onto other people.
3) I have heard that artistic people often reject mood stabilizers because they feel that they make them less creative. She writes plays and has been very frustrated about not having (and not making, in my opinion) the time to write. Recently, her therapist suggested she write for 10 minutes first thing in the morning. She has tried this and claims to have had a major breakthrough recently--after being off the meds for a few weeks!
She also made the argument that our son had done things to provoke her anger. I validated her--"Yes, it has been very frustrating"--but added the fact that there are sources of stress makes it more important for her to be able to control her anger and that controlling our anger in the face of his behaviors is a key part of the advise that our son's therapist has given us for trying to break his patterns of problematic behavior. (Being consistent is also a key element of her advice, of course. So saying a decision is not open to discussion and then changing her mind is really problematic.)
She now tells me that she will get the prescription refilled, but she will only take the lower dose that she feels is necessary, not the dosage prescribed by her psychiatrist.
The fact that she has been off meds for weeks without discussing it with me makes me feel deceived (at the very least. It borders on lying.) It also makes me question her commitment to work on her anger issues for the sake of our marriage and our children's mental/emotional health.
Maybe I will need to give her an ultimatum--I can't stay with her if her behavior continues to deteriorate because she refuses to take the medication?
