How strong they are

[Depression = 72% of members]

I went no contact with my EX 2 months ago. I admit it helps a lot; some obsessive thoughts are still present but it's more about the loss of the fun, the good time, the excitement. Not the person.
Despite my efforts to find new hobbies there is nothing to compare with the passion I knew.

She did not try to contact me… so my life was much easier than expected.

She has just phoned me today at my office to ask if I intend to make a gift to a mutual friend… which is by the way not her problem.

She spoke and acted as if we were still in contact; I wouldn’t say ordinary friends but more than just acquaintances.
How are you (but don’t tell me, that doesn’t matter) I had fun during my Holiday but I won’t bother you with details… I listened politely, saying yes or no as expected.

She acted as if she hadn’t noticed any change in my behavior; my no contact scheme seems to have no effect on her.
How strong they are!

[pgri8684]

I went no contact with my EX 2 months ago. I admit it helps a lot; some obsessive thoughts are still present but it's more about the loss of the fun, the good time, the excitement. Not the person.
Despite my efforts to find new hobbies there is nothing to compare with the passion I knew.

She did not try to contact me… so my life was much easier than expected.

She has just phoned me today at my office to ask if I intend to make a gift to a mutual friend… which is by the way not her problem.

She spoke and acted as if we were still in contact; I wouldn’t say ordinary friends but more than just acquaintances.
How are you (but don’t tell me, that doesn’t matter) I had fun during my Holiday but I won’t bother you with details… I listened politely, saying yes or no as expected.

She acted as if she hadn’t noticed any change in my behavior; my no contact scheme seems to have no effect on her.
How strong they are!

[Sadly]

Dunno about strong, bloody oblivious is the words I would use.

[JerryRG]

Lol, Sadly 

[troisette]

I'm not sure her behaviour is a sign of strength pjr.

It may be that nc hasn't impacted on her life. Yet. For whatever reason.

When it does you may experience a different reaction.

[Circle]

I have a friend that works in mental health. One of the things she has told me, is, that resident clients, after 'de-comping', or having a break-down; suffer a small amount of brain damage. After years of this, it begins to accumulate. I sometimes wonder if this affects pwBPD. My dxBPDso does some things that really seem like the result of brain damage, combined with BPD. Sincerely; I'm not exagerating.

[amunt]

She act that way because she have you for granded, you need to tell her that you dont want contact with her anymore

[enlighten me]

Sounds to me as if she was sounding you out. It was a weak reason to call. She was testing your reaction.

[once removed]

my no contact scheme seems to have no effect on her.

was this why you did it?

[Sadly]

Did you go NC to make her see what she was missing or to finish the relationship and begin to live your life without her and heal from the wounds inflicted?

[TheSinister]

You just been charmed, it's getting to you no matter strong you are
They are not strong, they suffer from a
Manor mental illness, they life is a non stop look for attachment failures

[pgri8684]

Did you go NC to make her see what she was missing or to finish the relationship and begin to live your life without her and heal from the wounds inflicted?

I went no contact to finish the relationship and begin to heal from the wounds; each time I see her or friends speak about her is a slowdown in my healing process.
I also hoped that "I could sink into oblivion" from her side: out of sight, out of mind is often quoted for people with BPD.

I just notice that the "no contact scheme" is painful for me and that it seems without effect for her.

[Rayban]

Did you go NC to make her see what she was missing or to finish the relationship and begin to live your life without her and heal from the wounds inflicted?

I went no contact to finish the relationship and begin to heal from the wounds; each time I see her or friends speak about her is a slowdown in my healing process.
I also hoped that "I could sink into oblivion" from her side: out of sight, out of mind is often quoted for people with BPD.

I just notice that the "no contact scheme" is painful for me and that it seems without effect for her.

Hey pgri,

I think you did well in keeping with yes or no answers.  Do you have call display at work?

[FallBack!Monster]

 ,
I want to comment on this topic but I'm a bit hesitant bec of fear of upsetting someone who is currently going through a tuff situation with a person with BPD.

It had been a few months since I had spoken or seen my ex. When I saw her I felt relieved. I thought I would never see her again. The way we ended was in my personal opinion horribly. Superficial or not we had great times.

When I saw her, regardless of what's she's been doing all these months and with whom, it didn't matter to me. I wasn't judging her.   But I must say that I didn't see a strong person. I didn't see a snake as I had once referred to her. 

I no longer cared to refer to her as the scum of the earth. The point is, regardless of what our r/s has been reduced to I don't think that when they leave they are any less hurt than we are. I think they just do things differently.  I'm not defending or making excuses for anything my ex or the pwBPD in your life has done. But nope... .She might have not been feeling the pain bc of me but I saw pain.

I wanted to comment bc I might have tortured myself a bit much with thinking how much fun she was having out there while I was here trying to recover from God only knows what... .hit me. And that's the mistake i think I lot of us who have been discarded do. Focus on those insignificant things as if they matter in our current situation. It doesn't. At the end of the day knowing if she was strong or hurting too wasn't going to help bounce back. Sorry. I didn't mean to make it this long but I did, so my apologies.

[once removed]

i agree with  FallBack!Monster, its very difficult to know whats in her head and how shes reacting, and its very easy to torture yourself with impressions.

its an awkward situation. it would be even more awkward if she threw her heart on the line. it probably hasnt occurred to her that you had a "no contact scheme". just silence that shes chosen to break.

I just notice that the "no contact scheme" is painful for me and that it seems without effect for her.

no contact is a fairly drastic, often necessary tool to create some space necessary to heal. by nature, it can be anxiety inducing. have you had a chance to read this: https://bpdfamily.com/content/no-contact-right-way-wrong-way

where do you want to go from here?

[Infern0]

It's not strength it's the ability to dissociate reality and ignore what they don't want to think about.

[pgri8684]

no contact is a fairly drastic, often necessary tool to create some space necessary to heal. by nature, it can be anxiety inducing. have you had a chance to read this: https://bpdfamily.com/content/no-contact-right-way-wrong-way

I read it months ago; at that time I had no plan to go no contact. It was very useful to read it again because my situation did change a lot. At that time I still loved her (the idea I had of her).

I base my "no contact" on an anticipated "silent treatment" from her side; it is obviously too easy and a big mistake.