10 reasons why I shouldn't check her facebook?

[Depression = 72% of members]

I'm getting very close to checking her facebook... .hovering close... .can you all do me a huge favor and give me 10 reasons why I shouldn't check it?

[kc sunshine]

I'm getting very close to checking her facebook... .hovering close... .can you all do me a huge favor and give me 10 reasons why I shouldn't check it?

[hollow]

I'm getting very close to checking her facebook... .hovering close... .can you all do me a huge favor and give me 10 reasons why I shouldn't check it?

1. You will feel anxiety, longing, emotional pain,
2. Your mind will try to piece all the info found on her page into a coherent (yet creative) update on her current status,
3. You will feel bad about it for a few days,
4. You may not have reached the point where her pictures leave you indifferent yet (or even the step before where the first thing that might pop into your mind upon seeing her picture is "idiot",
5. You have started noticing that all the reasons start with "You,"
6. You wondered why for a split second, but it's evident that You are more important to yourself than her, her updates, her facebook page, or anything else about her,
7. You are remembering all the reasons this was toxic to begin with and how it ended... .badly,
8. You are now losing interest in actually looking up her facebook page. It's just an itch on a scab. No need to scratch it,
9. Your itch is subsiding,
10. What's this about again?

[kc sunshine]

Ha, this is awesome hollow-- thanks so much for it! 

[keepitmovin]

I'm getting very close to checking her facebook... .hovering close... .can you all do me a huge favor and give me 10 reasons why I shouldn't check it?

Strange that this post popped up at the top of my list.  I just checked my BPD ex's FB and she is now married... .we've been broken up a little over 1 month.  Check my first post (this is my second) - she reached out to me (all avenues) about a week ago asking for help, how she was in trouble with this new guy - I have not responded.  Now she is married to him.  More than likely, he was and is the one in trouble.

This obviously doesn't make me feel good even though I've pretty much moved on.  Took a few minutes for it to register and the feelings to subside - curiosity is a b___!  I'm pretty sure that relationship will burn down in flames soon, if not, it will be a miserable existence for him/her.  Who knows, it may be happily ever after, but I doubt that.

I'm just happy that I've not responded to her recently charming, but I now know to stay away from her FB 

[kc sunshine]

I felt the urge to check her facebook tonight, and then read this excellent list over and the urge subsided again... .thanks hollow!

I'm getting very close to checking her facebook... .hovering close... .can you all do me a huge favor and give me 10 reasons why I shouldn't check it?

1. You will feel anxiety, longing, emotional pain,
2. Your mind will try to piece all the info found on her page into a coherent (yet creative) update on her current status,
3. You will feel bad about it for a few days,
4. You may not have reached the point where her pictures leave you indifferent yet (or even the step before where the first thing that might pop into your mind upon seeing her picture is "idiot",
5. You have started noticing that all the reasons start with "You,"
6. You wondered why for a split second, but it's evident that You are more important to yourself than her, her updates, her facebook page, or anything else about her,
7. You are remembering all the reasons this was toxic to begin with and how it ended... .badly,
8. You are now losing interest in actually looking up her facebook page. It's just an itch on a scab. No need to scratch it,
9. Your itch is subsiding,
10. What's this about again?

[hollow]

 

[Herodias]

Because it can leave you crying for days. Maybe it's a good thing for me, but I now see mine has moved on even more. I suppose marriage will be next for him. I think I have been in some kind of denial or just pretending to be so tough around people, I am finally having the breakdown I should have had from the beginning! Look if you want, but nothing good comes out of it unless you need evidence for court. It still ends in pain because people usually don't post bad things... .my exes gf actually does so there's  bit of that type of info for me... .but it still doesn't help me move on.

[Dontknow88]

1, they move on shockingly fast (why see that)
2, doing that will make you sad for days, (why force sadness)
3, her page is literally doing nothing for your life.
4, you will regret ever looking.
5, you may feel like you have to "JADE" by contents you may see (Justify Argue Defend Explain) no point.
6, cause you yourself will go into an unhealthy cycle of always looking and forcing negative feelings when you deserve great ones!
7, in the time you looked you could have made an awesome sandwich!
8, your anxiety will go high.
9, if you are currently feeling down it will only make you feel down longer.
10, cause you know better and deserve to do something better!


I've been there and at times it crosses my mind. When you get that feeling catch up on funny tv shows, listen to upbeat music, talk to family and friends about off topicks, cook something new! Heck even tidy up something! Or ya know #7! .

Be well and take it one day at a time !

[keepitmovin]

7, in the time you looked you could have made an awesome sandwich!

This!

[once removed]

i struggled with the same issue. the turning point for me was deciding that doing so was disrespecting myself and treating myself badly, and no longer being willing to do that. it didnt happen over night of course, but when it did, the urge was gone.

[eprogeny]

Check my first post (this is my second) - she reached out to me (all avenues) about a week ago asking for help, how she was in trouble with this new guy - I have not responded.  Now she is married to him.  More than likely, he was and is the one in trouble.

This made me think of something... .days before my BPDexgf met my replacement in person (for the first time - they'd been doing a LDR thing), she started texting me in a way she hadn't done in literally years.  At first I was confused by it, and when the replacement arrived the texting stopped completely - and I forgot all about it.

I realize now that this behavior from her - and probably from yours as well - was a matter of desperately seeking something to help her distract herself from her emotions about the upcoming "event".  This just illustrates so beautifully how completely driven by their emotions they are - which is exactly why they end up using us so badly.  It's never about anything genuine for us, it's always about them.  Always.

It's fantastic that you were able to keep yourself from responding to her - because you're right.  She absolutely would have painted you out to be "the bad guy" while soaking up all the sympathy she could garner from it.  That's part of their whole "give me attention" drive that they have. They will create the drama to get it if they need to - and they always need to.

Anyway, apologies to the OP for the brief hijack - I just felt the need to reply after seeing this post.  It's almost like the longer I'm NC with her the clearer my mind seems to be processing the insanity of it all.

[Grissum69]

Why not just block her?   Or do you really want to feel like S$%! knowing you'll go back for more eventually?   As I was told it's not about them, it's about US and getting our lives back together again and moving on to bigger and better things.   

[hollow]

I'm at the point where I'm thinking "this person's reality is incongruous with the people's I usually interact with, it's in constant change and governed by her feelings, which shift based on her hormones. She is also controlling, abusive, and no matter how much she justifies her behavior, tries to be nice or believes to be a good person, she ends up being someone I wouldn't normally want to interact with. I know her very well, now. Would I want to interact with her? No. Do I reminisce about the good times? Not anymore. I've managed to pair them all with bad times, and besides the overall picture is not a good one. Do I care to know what she's doing? Not really. Does it affect me? I don't see how it could. Why am I on these boards? For self-discovery, and I'm guessing there's still some pain somewhere in there that I need to get over, although I can't define it anymore. Have I moved on? I kinda have, but I won't know for sure until I meet the right person, and I won't push it with the wrong one just to check."

[kc sunshine]

I'm finding myself needing to read these awesome lists again. It's been 3 weeks or so since I last checked... .trying to hold steady, gang.

[chapter100]

Facebook does not reflect reality.  You can't count on something you see that comforts you being real, and you'll likely be upset over something you see for no good reason.  Staying away will be easier and easier the longer you do it.

[Sadly]

Hi KC
you only need the one reason. Cos it's like a child picking a scab on its knee, seeing if it will still bleed. Chances are it might and anyway it hurts.   xx

[TheRose]

Still interesting to see how everyone deals with this his or her own way. I love that everyone is different. I haven't even been on Facebook ever since my ex broke up with me. Just too scared to notice she blocked me or something like that. Because I would feel miserable and hurt if I saw she did. And if I saw she didn't, I would wonder why and it would all be too confusing. Just so scared to even sign in. 

[Sadly]

I actually closed my account down and to be honest am not bothered about it now, not just cos of my ex. I got bored with  :)people I didn't really know posting pictures of their dinners with the edifying comment YUM! Who cares.

[Pretty Woman]

1) If you weren't ruminating over her before (which you must have been or you wouldn't  want to check) you sure are now!

2) You will start to "create" stories in your head about how amazing things must be going, based on the pictures you see. These "thoughts" are not reality but you will accept them as so.

3) Unless you are a masochist you are in for a glutton of hurt if you see your ex "looking" all happy in pictures, especially if they are in pictures with a romantic interest/partner.

4) This will set back your recovery. Haagen Daz and Domino's Pizza's stock will soar  

5) You will start to dissect and re-examine every g-dam thing you did in your relationship, scrutinizing how you could have done things different. You will start to blame yourself for everything even though relationships are not a one-way street.

6) You will keep checking his/her FB waiting to see a breakup or hoping that things look bleak in her life (been there).

7) This is no longer about your ex. It's about YOU. You need to focus on you. Focusing on
old news" is not going to move you forward and will keep you stuck. What she is doing really shouldn't be your concern. You are not in a relationship.

8) You are better than this and you know it. Deep down you know it.

9) Facebook should be called FAKEbook. No one posts bad things about themselves on there, just the positive they want to "project" or put forth. If you want to see some FICTION rent Star Trek or something funny. It's safer!

10) What you don't know (or see) won't hurt you. Why torture yourself?

[Hopefulgirl]

Herodias I know exactly what you are saying. Pretty Woman, that was exactly what i wanted to hear.

When my exBPD guy and I were together I would talk about a country in Europe I always wanted to go to . He'd never been to Europe and so we talked about how cool it would be. We would look online together and plan a trip,castles, train tours etc.

So couple weeks ago he finally posts something on FB. I finally figure out that he is in that country,with her, apparently having an "amazing experience" going to the places we talked about. His girlfriend had flown them over there First Class for a week. Cried myself silly for 2 days. Finally brought myself to look at his pics after a week and out of the 75 pics in his photo Album not one of her. What does that mean?  See, this is where your mind starts trying to make sense of this nonsense... .