Feeling guilty for suicidal attempt.

[Jewguy]

Well I was in NC for quite a few weeks after the last episode I posted here, where I broke up the relationship. But then when I was starting to forget her (my ex gf) she had a heart attack past thursday, caused by taking medications the wrong way. Well bottom line her friends let me know of her situation and I decided to break NC and go see her to wish her my best on her recovery. After that she started to contact me pretty much every single day, swinging from loving behavior to agressive talk, nothinhg new then. But today I got a little tired of the whole harassment and decided to cut her off again, I basically said that we would never be back together again and blocked her again. Just after a few hours her family contacted me to inform me that after multilating herself she tried to hang herself. Even though the police officers and doctors said it was not a true attemp, probably just a really messed up and terrible way of getting attention I am still feeling like crap, she told everyone that she will keep it on unless I go back to her, honestly I have no clue what so ever of what I should do. Sorry for my bad english, its not my first language and when im under stress I cant write really well.

[heartandwhole]

Hi Jewguy,

That is really tough. I'm sorry that you are going through this. In your shoes, I would feel very anxious and upset. I can totally understand your feeling like crap over this. 

I think first and foremost, you have to take care of yourself. Thankfully, it sounds like your ex has friends and family who are supporting her though this difficult time, so she is not alone.

What about you? Do you have supportive friends and family whom you can lean on?

I can imagine how difficult it is to hear about your ex's struggles while you are trying to detach from her. Having no access to you at all after seeing you that time in the hospital may have triggered some very extreme feelings in her. You know you don't want to re-engage in a relationship with her, and have told her that.

I wonder if it would be a good idea to let her and her family/friends know (again, with kindness and firmness) that you care, that you want the best for your ex., and that you will not be returning to a relationship? What do you think?

You need some space and time to process the breakdown of the relationship, and your ex. needs professional help to get through what she is experiencing right now.

heartandwhole

[babyducks]

Hi Jewguy,

I wanted to join heartandwhole in responding.   You are dealing with some very tough and unusual stuff, anyone would be struggling.   I think it's very good that you are reaching out and sharing here.   It helps to talk about these things with people who understand.

Your ex girlfriend made the choices she did because of a mental illness and a disordered way of thinking.  It's very hard to know the best and healthiest way to respond when we are faced with irrational behavior.   No one comes automatically equipped with that kind of knowledge.

What I have found is true for me, is when things get this complicated and intense, I need to boil things down to the simplest, easiest next 'right' thing to do.   Trying to fix all the problems all at once in one day never works.    I need to return to the simple basics.   Sleeping,  eating, maybe a little exercise.   How are you doing with the sleeping and eating?   

You said you didn't have any clue what to do.   I would suggest what  heartandwhole did.   Take care of yourself.   Find some one you can talk to that you really trust.   Try to slow things down.   See if you can find a mental health professional who can help you understand the experience you have just been through.    and come back here and let us know how you are doing.

'ducks

[petedrexler]

Jewguy:

Hang in there. So sorry you're going through this.

Positive vibes your way.  

Pete

[Jewguy]

Thanks for the help guys, I actually got a good "reaction" from her family, they told me I should not be dealing with this and that it isnt my burden. Im having a hard time to get good sleep, but im trying my hard to keep up the routine (working, eating... .) today I´ll try to get some counseling with my Rabbi, and try to find a Shrink. I'm also thinking about maybe moving to another place (my contract is ending anyways) and changing my phone number so this things wont reach me anymore. Anyway I really appreciate all the support I am getting here, I have no words to describe how thakful I am!

[babyducks]

Hi Jewguy,

I am glad to hear you are reaching out for support.  that's a very smart thing to do.   I found it very helpful to have some one in my corner who was just there to advocate for me.   Some one who had my back and didn't have any divided loyalties.   

what I think is that the human psyche is wired to respond a certain way to trauma.   I think what you have been through is traumatic.  It's going to take a little bit of time to work through it.

How are you doing today?