Remorse?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My ex had none. She cheated a million times. Even to this day is not sorry. Thought she had the right.


Is this normal? Is she totally gone emotionally? Will she ever be capable of intimacy?


Why do I miss her? And normal people who wouldn't treat me this way bore me?


I'm so confused and shattered. I don't want her back. I don't care what happens to her. I've delt with it.


But I just want to know these unanswered questions within myself... .

[Kelli Cornett]

My ex had none. She cheated a million times. Even to this day is not sorry. Thought she had the right.


Is this normal? Is she totally gone emotionally? Will she ever be capable of intimacy?


Why do I miss her? And normal people who wouldn't treat me this way bore me?


I'm so confused and shattered. I don't want her back. I don't care what happens to her. I've delt with it.


But I just want to know these unanswered questions within myself... .

[VitaminC]

Hi letitbe,



Understanding what we have been through - our true reality - is very hard. So much is not as it seems. This is because our understanding of what has happened is based on our view of the relationship. Our partner's view was probably quite different.

You say that you've dealt with it, but also that you are confused and shattered. And that you miss her. All very understandable.

Have you seen this: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.msg1331263#msg1331263

I found Lesson 1: Healing, the big picture quite helpful to me in my own process.

You may be feeling a lot of different things and sometimes change from one to the other to the next feeling. It can be exhausting.

How do you feel now?

[Kelli Cornett]

Hi letitbe,



Understanding what we have been through - our true reality - is very hard. So much is not as it seems. This is because our understanding of what has happened is based on our view of the relationship. Our partner's view was probably quite different.

You say that you've dealt with it, but also that you are confused and shattered. And that you miss her. All very understandable.

Have you seen this: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.msg1331263#msg1331263

I found Lesson 1: Healing, the big picture quite helpful to me in my own process.

You may be feeling a lot of different things and sometimes change from one to the other to the next feeling. It can be exhausting.

How do you feel now?

I'm feeling okay, mostly. We are NC. I established that. But these after thoughts are killing me.

[Kelli Cornett]

Thank you btw VC

[VitaminC]

Thank you btw VC

You're welcome!

It is the after thoughts that kill us, for sure, they are the same thoughts that can lead to greater self-knowledge and be the impetus for a whole lot of really positive growth.

Might be hard to see right now, perhaps, but it's true nonetheless. 

How are you managing the thoughts at the moment? Many members have done journalling or other ways of expressing (and tracking) their emotions. Also important is to rest, as well as have nice and healthful activities, intellectual and physical, that take your mind off things briefly and make you feel good for a while.

[TheSinister]

Hey there,
I really feel your pain,
To answer your question... yes they (BPD people) have to create an alternative history/reality in order to keep moving and live with themself. You are trying to make sense of something that got no sense and thats what's keep you up at night

From my exporience they have really short moments when they realize what they have done to us but then it
Goes away and they continue to rewrite history

im deep in NC for few month,  i am not 100% free of the obssesion but it sure gets better, hang in there mAte