INTRODUCTION

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hi everyone, I've been visiting this forum for a few months now and I have found it to be the most tremendous source of help and support.  Without it I am not sure what I would have done.  Although I have been hopeful that my r/s might have sorted itself out I have been trying to detach since May as I can see it is not healthy and I have have just in the last week had confirmation of further lies which IMO make even the thought of continuing completely untenable. I am not quite in NC as for some time I have been deluding myself that I could salvage our previous friendship but when looking at all that has happened especially the lies that have been told to me since I started to detach (no doubt to keep me on the hook) it seems fairly clear that I have over valued this relationship and that by leaving the door open I am just inviting a charm.  

I don't feel brave enough yet to post my story (as it is so complicated) but I will in due course.

ps sorry but when I post the forum keeps changing my typed word charm to charm.  Tried to correct it a couple of times but it won't let me. xx

[Zorba]

Hi everyone, I've been visiting this forum for a few months now and I have found it to be the most tremendous source of help and support.  Without it I am not sure what I would have done.  Although I have been hopeful that my r/s might have sorted itself out I have been trying to detach since May as I can see it is not healthy and I have have just in the last week had confirmation of further lies which IMO make even the thought of continuing completely untenable. I am not quite in NC as for some time I have been deluding myself that I could salvage our previous friendship but when looking at all that has happened especially the lies that have been told to me since I started to detach (no doubt to keep me on the hook) it seems fairly clear that I have over valued this relationship and that by leaving the door open I am just inviting a charm.  

I don't feel brave enough yet to post my story (as it is so complicated) but I will in due course.

ps sorry but when I post the forum keeps changing my typed word charm to charm.  Tried to correct it a couple of times but it won't let me. xx

[Mutt]

Hi Zorba,



I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. I'm glad to hear that you decided to join the discussions and that you found that it's bean beneficial for you. I feel the same way, I don't know what would have happened in my situation if this forum didn't exist.

Many of us have a lot to get off of our chest when we arrive here, it's hard for friends and family members to get what it's like being in a r/s with a pwBPD. I think you have to go through the experience to get it, the high's are way up there and the lows are really low, it's hard to explain.

We'll be here when you're ready to share the rest of your story.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Zorba, Welcome!  You're right, this forum is a tremendous resource.  Since you're here on the Deciding Board, I assume you are unsure whether to stay or leave your SO, though you seem to be leaning towards leaving, right?  what makes you think your SO has BPD?  Fill us in a little more on your situation when you get a chance. 

LuckyJim

[Zorba]

Hello Lucky Jim and also Mutt

Thanks for your messages.  A litte about me first.  I am an early 50 something degree educated female.  I grew up with a BPD (with Narc traits) father and a totally codependant mother.  My father made my entire childhood a living hell which seemed to go on for an eternity.  I suffered physical, emotional, and psychological abuse at his hands routinely.  My relationship with my mother also suffered greatly as she was afraid of him and did not intervene to protect me.  I have grown up with some serious issues from this upbringing and it has had massive adverse repurcussions on my life particularly as an adult.  Both my parents died when I was very young.

I have only really been learning about BPD in the last 2-3 years.  How I wish I had gleened this knowledge earlier.  I have to be honest and say that I do think I may be a person with BPD as well having looked at the way in which it presents.  I have always had trouble with people, and relationships, and connecting with people.  I have spent enormous chunks of my adult life feeling lonely and depressed even though I have tried very hard to 'be normal'. 

I have had many failed romantic relationships as a result of the above mainly due to my BPD behaviour and also my skill at picking unsuitable and usually totally unavailable partners.  I find with normal or codependant partners that I end up totally bored but I am often drawn to other damaged people like Narcs & pwBPD.  Unfortunately these relationships seem to quickly turn abusive and don't last.  My current partner is much older than me, co dependant and is very stable, secure, fatherly.  We have been together for nearly 20 years but unfortunately our relationship is more like a friendship than a romantic relationship even though I do care a great deal about him. 

Right!  That's me and my details - will post about my pwBPD tomorrow.