Be careful what you wish for...

[Depression = 72% of members]

I've been doing well, discovering myself and getting myself to a happy and non-needy place. I've got a way to go but I'm enjoying the journey - it's kind of like finding a new best friend that you didn't know was there.

Here's the problem. Now I'm in a better place, the ex has been trying to lure me back out the woodwork of no-contact. He's been going through my friends and it started of as trying to see how I was. I felt a little proud (still codependent it seems) that he's actually missing me. Now he's telling my friends that he has a liver problem from drinking too much and the tablets he is on. People (not sure who but he describes them as the 'asss' and didn't specify) are trying to send him to rehab. Apparently he's not worried, obviously because ultimately this is what he wants, to be in the dark and drown in his own misery.

I thought I wanted him to want me. I thought it would validate me.

Now I feel awful. Not guilty but scared for him. I worry how far he will take this.

If your ex hates you, consider yourselves lucky.

[Cleanglass]

I've been doing well, discovering myself and getting myself to a happy and non-needy place. I've got a way to go but I'm enjoying the journey - it's kind of like finding a new best friend that you didn't know was there.

Here's the problem. Now I'm in a better place, the ex has been trying to lure me back out the woodwork of no-contact. He's been going through my friends and it started of as trying to see how I was. I felt a little proud (still codependent it seems) that he's actually missing me. Now he's telling my friends that he has a liver problem from drinking too much and the tablets he is on. People (not sure who but he describes them as the 'asss' and didn't specify) are trying to send him to rehab. Apparently he's not worried, obviously because ultimately this is what he wants, to be in the dark and drown in his own misery.

I thought I wanted him to want me. I thought it would validate me.

Now I feel awful. Not guilty but scared for him. I worry how far he will take this.

If your ex hates you, consider yourselves lucky.

[TheRose]

That must be very hard on you. I can imagine you used to hope he would get in touch with you. And now that he does it, you feel awful. Sorry to hear that. How long has it been since you went no contact?

Do you feel like he's in a place where he is trying to recycle?

[Lucky Jim]

Now he's telling my friends that he has a liver problem from drinking too much and the tablets he is on.

Hey Cleanglass, suggest you be careful about getting manipulated by his alleged liver problem.  It could be a ruse to get you to reach out to him.  Beware of F-O-G!  He could be using guilt or obligation to get your attention.  Those w/BPD often cry wolf, so proceed w/caution, is my suggestion.

LuckyJim

[Cleanglass]

I'm the first one to leave his life with no contact and it seems to have hit him hard. The exes before have stuck around as friends who use him and manipulate him. I didn't want to do that.

I've been no contact about 2 months. He has a new partner and he's repeating past mistakes it seems. There so much advice I can give him to help him cope that the people in his life can't give him, but I don't know if I should. On one hand I want to save myself from destructive people but on the other hand, could I forgive myself if he gets worse?

 He had a drinking problem and I no doubt believe the problems are real with the mix of tablets and drink.

I know it's not my fault he's this way but I have so much info on it now that I could literally give him this info and then stay clear of him and it's up to him. But what if I reach out and reset everything I've achieved for myself?

[Cleanglass]

OK maybe I'll wait. If he ends up in hospital then I'll reach out to his family with the info and if not then I'll assume he's fine.