BPD and alcohol abuse

[Jul]

Hello,
My 28 year old daughter with diagnosed BPD drinks extreme amounts of alcohol and becomes dissociative, often self harming (cutting and burning) while in this state. She has driven her car (and written it off) while in this state and is now facing court. She has been hospitalised repeatedly but is never kept for long. She has been abusive and threatening, thrown things and tried to kick and bite hospital staff and frankly they don't want her. On a good day she looks like a well groomed, very together young woman. When she has spent the night blind drunk, in a park it's a different picture. She has a three year old child who I look after most of the time.
I'm exhausted, mentally and physically, and don't know how to get help for her or get her to help herself. She never takes medication as prescribed by her psychiatrist - she may for a day or two and then changes her mind about it.
I'm frightened she will end up dead but no one will listen to me.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[wendydarling]

Hello Jul and welcome to BPD family, I'm glad you found us though very sorry what brings you here, and that you are exhausted mentally and physically spent and that no one will listen to you. That's a lot on your plate with you young grandchild too  Do you have support from friends/family, someone you can talk to, who understands?

My 28 year old daughter with diagnosed BPD drinks extreme amounts of alcohol and becomes dissociative, often self harming (cutting and burning) while in this state.

I relate to you Jul, you are not alone - my 28yr daughter was where your daughter is last year - as above - a number of hospital admissions of overdose and self harm following alcohol. It's frightening as you say, a rollercoaster! She was finally diagnosed last July, had a further admission last August and this February and started DBT treatment and alcohol counselling in May (waiting list ... .aggh, but we got there).  My daughter is a 'quiet' borderline - she 'acts in' rather than 'acts out' so she is not outwardly abusive, blaming and threatening. Regards alcohol my daughter's background - worked in a bar for 5 years during university and mixed with that culture, she was a socialite. She has changed her ways and how she socialises having accepted it exacerbates her BPD - she now considers what invitations she accepts and from who and it's often based avoiding alcohol and certain people/groups.  What is your daughter's background to alcohol? Can you expect the court put in place an order to attend alcohol treatment?

While your daughter meets her psychiatrist is she receiving any other treatment learning the skills and tools to manage and recover from the disorder? Is it a recent diagnosis? I'm concerned you say no one will listen to you - are you able to speak with your daughter's mental health supervisor? Does your daughter allow you to be party to conversations with the medics while in or out of hospital?

Jul, educating myself through the amazing resources and receiving great support here has helped me take small positive steps forward. To the right are tools and lessons that help us better understand our children, improve communication and our relationship.

Have you considered counselling for yourself to help you through this? 

Walking with you Jul and look forward to hearing from you.

WDx

[livednlearned]

I wanted to join wendydarling in welcoming you to the site. Having a BPD child while taking care of your grandchild has to be very stressful and exhausting, and then to have no one listen to your worries and concerns just adds to the feeling that you are carrying the world on your shoulders.

How often does your daughter have good days? What is your relationship with her like? Does she live with you?

We're here to walk alongside you. Like wendydarling wrote, you are not alone. 

LnL