Hey there
Welcome and hello
You could be writing my story. My son's father was also an alcoholic, and I spent years trying to figure out what his deal was. I think the issue for people with BPD is that they are way more susceptible to the impairment caused by alcohol. So they may not be classified as alcoholic, but they are more quickly impaired. My son's father would be halfway through a glass of wine and his insecure self would show up and like you say, be verbally and emotionally abusive, be manipulative, be incessantly needy.
It may not feel like it, but in a way you are taking some important first steps to taking care of yourself. That first step leads to a second, and a third. You will get stronger if you keep following your intuition. I know it's hard, and it's lonely and exhausting. I think there is a crest on the hill where you can see things clearly, you have built up strength and understand the disorder and what it does to the person you love, and to your family.
We are here to walk next to you.
You're not alone.
What kind of therapy is he doing? Does he accept the BPD diagnosis?
How are the girls doing, especially the oldest?
Keep posting. It really does help.
LnL
