Just started reading the book ~

[liagaun4]

I have been married to a precious and often charming individual for over 20 years (with LOTS of the BPD symptoms mentioned in the book) and have on and off always had to walk on eggshells (been stunned by how quickly the mood changes) but several head injuries have really taken it up a notch.  Of course there have been many many of the other symptoms mentioned too, but he has been "high functioning" enough that it has been hard to pinpoint.  I am interested that after reading a couple of chapters from the book and having a sense that there may be some good tips and help up ahead, I find myself in the deepest and most intense hate toward him that I have ever imagined.  I feel really really angry and resentful for how his constant complexities and grudge-holding and criticism and unpredictable responses and resentments have affected us all these years and how I have managed to be so very codependent makes me feel shameful.  I have recognized my co-dependence for years and gotten some good help but some persists.  I hate feeling angry and hateful and thankfully believe it is just a stage I need to get through but thought it would be interesting what the rest of the community has to say.  At this point I do just want to "run away" but that is not a serious consideration.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Hi liagaun4,

Welcome and hello 

Do you think that the book validates feelings you may have held at bay, and is in a way providing some validation for what you have felt over the years?

I do think books can have a powerful effect on how we respond to BPD loved ones. I read Buddha and the Borderline and it was like sipping from a cup of compassion. Whereas other books have made me feel as though the disorder is so complex and the advice can often be contradictory, like it just takes so much effort on my part to carve out the smallest bit of normalcy, making me feel both supported and exasperated at the same time.

[ArleighBurke]

You feel angry at HIM, or the SITUATION?

When i found out about BPD, i went through anger at never knowing, then anger that things *may* not get better, then anger that it shouldn't be this way.

I'm sure it's part of the accepting process.