Pondering Positive Regard

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Just was meandering around in my thoughts and wanted to underline one that occurred to me... .

The difference between people I deeply enjoy, feel safe with, want to be around and people that I do not, is linked to their capacity for positive regard for me and others, and my ability for positive regard towards them.

(While we may sometimes focus on flags, flaws, other "defects," I truly believe defining what we want and  focus on that is often time better spent.)

So for myself... .
I would like to think of people today in terms of:
Do they appear to generally have a positive regard to others?
To me?
Where do they seem to struggle with this?
Where do I struggle with this?

... .

Connections for me personally:
When my relationship had a breakdown, I noticed while I had positive regard for him, he did not have the same, actually he felt suspicious, without valid cause.
My closest relationships, I always want the best for them, and also even people I do not like.  I grow most in relationships where person has general positive regard for me, not idealistic regard, but truly wanting my life and my being to do well.

... .


Wondering what you guys think of this concept, and what your ponderings on it may be?

[Sunfl0wer]

Just was meandering around in my thoughts and wanted to underline one that occurred to me... .

The difference between people I deeply enjoy, feel safe with, want to be around and people that I do not, is linked to their capacity for positive regard for me and others, and my ability for positive regard towards them.

(While we may sometimes focus on flags, flaws, other "defects," I truly believe defining what we want and  focus on that is often time better spent.)

So for myself... .
I would like to think of people today in terms of:
Do they appear to generally have a positive regard to others?
To me?
Where do they seem to struggle with this?
Where do I struggle with this?

... .

Connections for me personally:
When my relationship had a breakdown, I noticed while I had positive regard for him, he did not have the same, actually he felt suspicious, without valid cause.
My closest relationships, I always want the best for them, and also even people I do not like.  I grow most in relationships where person has general positive regard for me, not idealistic regard, but truly wanting my life and my being to do well.

... .


Wondering what you guys think of this concept, and what your ponderings on it may be?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Sunflower, After leaving my marriage to a pwBPD, I resolved that, in future relationships, I would look for someone who is kind.  Perhaps that is similar to what you are expressing?  Kindness provides a strong foundation for a r/s, I've learned, because I need not worry about what's ahead if I'm with a person who is fundamentally thoughtful and considerate.  It sounds simple, but works for me!

LuckyJim

[myself]

When we're feeling and acting more positively with ourselves, it can be better shared and appreciated while in relationships with others. Our positives attract other positives, and help our own to grow.