She got married.

[PolandSpring4]

It finally happened. We broke up at the end of April. She was engaged at the beginning of July, married in October. I think I'm still in shock. After talking about where we would get married, what songs we'd play at the wedding, how many kids we were going to have, she tossed me aside and told me that I'm a loser in so many words. She went back to an unfaithful ex-boyfriend and got engaged immediately. She openly talked about how much she despised this person while we were dating, but as soon as I was gone, he was suddenly perfect again.

She still follows me on Spotify. For people who are unfamiliar, it's a music service/app. Any time I want to see who is following me, I have to see a picture of them together and her new last name. There is no way to remove a follower. I've looked into it. I don't know why she won't just detach from me completely and leave me alone. I've removed her from everything. I just want this nightmare to be over. Her instagram was private, so I unfollowed her so I wouldn't be tempted to look. She made it public shortly after. I've resolved to not look at any of her social media, and I've actually been "clean" for about 3 months. I'm hoping this is just another minor setback, and I'll get back on track again.

What's killing me is that I can't be angry. I can never sustain anger with anyone. I always want to forgive and move on. I don't know if that's a fault or not. I just want to be angry with her, but I still love her as much as I always have. I miss her every single day. I can't believe we were just running around Orlando together, having the time of our lives earlier this year, and now she has a husband who isn't me.

My psychologist doesn't believe that she'll find happiness in this arrangement, so he suggests I continue to work on moving on so that I'm in a better position to react to her if/when she reaches out again in the future. I'm trying my best to stay busy. I just wanted to write this all out because I don't really have anyone to talk to about this. No one gets it in my life. "Just move on, bro!" "Why stress over some girl?"

Thanks for reading.

[PolandSpring4]

I keep replaying the last conversation we ever had in my head. It was through text because she refused to talk to me on the phone because I'm a horrible person apparently. Even after she insulted me multiple times, I told her that I really enjoyed our time together, that I would always care for her. I told her how much she meant to me. Her reply? "Sure." I sent a heartfelt goodbye, and she sent me a hand waving emoji. I don't know how to reconcile the person she was with the person she became. I've been drinking a little. Probably gonna stop now! I know it doesn't help.

[rfriesen]

PS4,
It's natural that you're hurting. That is a lot to absorb in a short time frame. Which is really the point, I suppose -- it's going to take more time. That's not the easiest thing to accept, when going through a painful experience, I know. It can take emotions a long time to catch up with your rational thinking. Eventually, though, I'm sure you'll come to feel that you really dodged a bullet by not marrying someone who can insult you and toss you aside like that.

I've resolved to not look at any of her social media, and I've actually been "clean" for about 3 months.

Excellent resolve! Now you've got some news that has set your mind spinning a little bit. It's a chance to check in with your progress and see how quickly you can bring your focus back to yourself and what matters to you in your life now. And the bright side is, you have some clear sense of closure now ... .even if it will take your emotions time to catch up.

So, what kind of life do envision for yourself, as the life you truly want to build, now that this is behind you?

[heartandwhole]

PolandSpring4,

I'm sorry that you are hurting. It's so understandable. That was a very quick breakup and new marriage. That would leave my head spinning. 

Hang in there. As  rfriesen says, it takes time and effort to get through this, but you can do it. We've been there and we understand. You are already doing great things like not looking at social media. That takes strength and discipline—well done.

I also agree that you don't want someone in your life who can break off a relationship that suddenly and coldly. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but in the future, you may well be grateful that you didn't marry her. Don't beat yourself up for loving and missing her. That is so normal. When these kinds of relationships end, the breakups are often not like anything we've ever experienced, so it's not uncommon for friends and family not to understand how hard it is to get through. Keep doing what you are doing, and keep posting. Your heart and head will eventually catch up, and you will love again.


heartandwhole

[PolandSpring4]

Thank you for the kinds words. I know that you're both right. Everyone in my life is telling me that I dodged a massive bullet, but I still feel empty most days without her. I'm working out 6 days a week, working, looking for new work, thinking about going back to school. I try to stay busy, but whenever I'm not, she's usually the only thing I think about. I've read the resources on this site multiple times, the top 10 things that get us stuck. I know they were just words to her now... .but it's hard to let go when someone is telling you that you're the perfect person for them, and they'll do anything to be with you forever, until they get tired of you anyway. I told her the same things... .but I really intended to stay with her forever if she had allowed it.

I've got an appointment with my psychologist on Thursday, so maybe that'll end up being helpful.

[huhhuh]

It's hard to be angry at someone you love. I don't know if anger makes recovery easier. I don't think so. Maybe our kindness is why they picked us in the first place. I think it's a compliment