Years of emotional abuse

[Stillhurting]

I strongly believe that my mother has BPD.  I have gone through a lot of hostile angry outbursts... so had my dad. My dad recently after 33 years of marriage finnally gave up becauze he tbought she has made him depressed. I attempted sucide about 20 years ago and during my teenage years not knowing I was being abused(it was a result of her hostile threats). Now in my 30s I still struggle w her behavior. I keep trying to help her become self aware but she gets angry and abuses me and  give me guilt trip. She also constantly tries to turn me against my dad by giving me horrific details of her marrage ... details that no off spring should ever be involved in... .She makes me feel guilty constantly... and puts me down whenever I attempt to tell her she is at wrong

[Kwamina]

Hi Stillhurting

You have been through a lot and I am very sorry it even reached the point that you attempted suicide. Did you get help back then to help you deal with your suicidal ideation? Is the suicidal ideation something of the past or perhaps something you still find yourself struggling with? Dealing with these kinds of negative thoughts isn't easy and unfortunately something several of our members have struggled with.

I am glad you've come here, we have many members (including me) who have a BPD parent and who have also struggled with negative thoughts that can really bring you down. BPD is quite a difficult disorder. When you are raised in such an environment, though you might find it unpleasant, it can still be very difficult to realize just how abusive the situation is. It is all you know and in that sense 'normal'. Often only after stepping out of that environment or after learning about other ways of dealing with things, can you start to see the dysfunction more clearly.

We unfortunately cannot change the behavior of our BPD family-members. It would be great if your mother changed, but ultimately that is up to her and out of your control. What you can control however is your own behavior and how you respond to her. The tools and resources on this site can help you in that process. As you get started here, I encourage you to take a look at the Survivors' Guide for adults who suffered  childhood abuse in the right-hand side margin og this board.  The guide is aimed at helping us recover from our difficult childhood through three major stages: 1. Remembering --> 2. Mourning --> 3 Healing.

Welcome to  bpdfamily

[HappyChappy]

Hi Stillhurting,

Welcome to the board and I believe I speak for most on this board, dealing with BPD moms behaviour is extremely challenging, and I was also struggling 3 years ago with this. But the good news is we can heal from this abuse.

I would echo Kwamina’s points, in that we cannot change our BPD behaviour, but we can improve how we react to it, we can better contain it. But most importantly we can become happier about it all. I also tried to commit suicide as a young child, just couldn’t understand why my BPD and NPD we being so cruel to me. But now I’ve had therapy and talked a lot of it out in this forum, I’ve never felt better. I’m sure you can also get to a better place. So please feel free to use this forum to explore the specifics of what frustrates you about your childhood and to ask questions, if that suits.