Mother glanced at us then looked the other way

[JerryRG]

After church I took my son out to eat, as we were walking to the cafe, indoor store, my son's mother and bf walked right in front of us and I looked at them, mother glanced at us then looked the other way and I kept walking.

Is she his mother? I'm not sure what she is.

It's one thing to beat us adult nons up, it's quite another to diguard your only child.

Her and her bf go to church and spout off how good they are, how Christian they are.

They are both pure evil... .

How does one process this? How does she go out in public?

[Leonis]

She didn't even say hi to the son? Wow... .

[JerryRG]

Just walked away with her bf

[Larmoyant]

Jerry, I'm sorry I have no words to comfort you. That's terrible. The only thing I can think of is have you read anything about schema modes? It helps explain how pwBPD are seemingly cut-off from emotions sometimes. Maybe she was in 'detached protector' mode? It makes it seem like they don't care about anything, they are emotionally distant. I'd like to add that when my ex was like this it was the worst feeling. It was as if I was nothing, that I meant nothing to him whatsoever.

[JerryRG]

Last week she rips our son from my lap after screaming "my baby" so everyone could see her, then runs outside so I have to chase her down. Hands our son to her bf like she's handing over a gift then tells me she's going to marry him? Her douche bag bf watches all this unfold and doesn't bat an eye. Then completely ignores our son today?

Oh no, this is total insanity and she's pure evil.

[jonmnemonic]

Jerry, anyone with spiritual maturity will be able to see right through her.  It might take some time but she will become evident to those paying attention.  The best thing you could do for her is to pray that God would grant her repentance unto salvation.

[Leonis]

Her douche bag bf watches all this unfold and doesn't bat an eye. Then completely ignores our son today?

Oh no, this is total insanity and she's pure evil.

Either they are birds of the same feather or he's in for his share of hell down the road. I wouldn't be upset about his smug attitude.

[JerryRG]

The only time my son and I will have peace and be safe is when she's no longer on this planet. She's dangerous and insane

[stimpy]

One question Jerry, are you documenting all of these terrible events, with times, locations, other witnesses, context and emotional impact on you (and if appropriate your son)?

A journal of her behaviours may come in very useful one day.

As for her behaviour, she sounds very dysregulated and to be honest out of control. Normal social graces and behaviours have deserted her, and her bf is just following whatever she does and not challenging her to behave differently.

Sounds like there is no empathy at all.

Stay strong.

[JerryRG]

Yes I am documenting all this, I share everything with her family as well.

The bf is either just as crazy as her or worse, he claims he loves her yet is doing everything to keep her from our son. They both are very strange. I came across an older profile of his on fb last week. He had many pictures of himself holding a pistol and his face covered with a mask. This was 2011, he has a long criminal record.

She told me one time she had no idea who he really is. She's very immature and latches on to any guy who looks at her.

They both are frightening and fight and argue constantly.

Her pastor told me she unfreinded her bf one week, 3 days later they got engaged. Extremely unstable to the point I believe they both are mentally ill or worse. The engagement happend 2 days after the day she stole my son off my lap. It's like she's using what happens between her and I as an influence on her relationship with her creepy bf.

Ok maybe this will explain it better

The night the ex took my son off my lap was 2 Fridays ago

They were engaged the following Sunday.

She's been telling me they were engaged all summer

Blah? Insanity

Oct 28th she takes our son
Oct 30th she's engaged

[stimpy]

That's great that you're keeping a record of what is happening and I'm sure this will be very useful, very soon.

The only way I can relate to the behaviours of your ex and her bf, is like a school playground, of 3 or 4 year olds. That is what it sounds like. So you have to be the adult (they can't) and do what you're doing, gathering the evidence.

[Herodias]

Did your Son see her? Did the bf see you both? That is just awful... .I hope you have this one recorded for you records. It just goes to show they have no true empathy even when it comes to their kids. We can make excuses for them with their mental illness and feel bad for them or we can call it what it is (negligent) and walk away. They use children for attention... .that is the narcissistic side of them. So apparently that day she didn't need any extra attention and/or couldn't be bothered. I have a friend whose husband is a NPD. As her Son is getting older (9) he is questioning his Fathers behavior. All you can do is co-parent. Teach them right from wrong. At this point he is too young and all you can do is take one day at a time. So sorry you are experiencing this... .

[JerryRG]

Thank you Herodias

I don't believe my son seen them, they were walking through an isle and we were passing in front of them both.

Doesn't this behaviour by the both of them mean they are equally to blame for the neglect? And doesn't it speak for the bfs character? I think they both are disgusting, immature and mentally ill.

[fromheeltoheal]

How does one process this?

By detaching.  When are you going to start Jerry?

[JerryRG]

I say I'm willing but I guess I'm not miserable enough or I'm lazy, not sure which or maybe both

[fromheeltoheal]

I say I'm willing but I guess I'm not miserable enough or I'm lazy, not sure which or maybe both

Or maybe there are benefits to staying where you are, a payoff, that or this situation feels somehow comfortable, because on some level it reminds you of an earlier time?

In any case, 1700 posts in, is it time for a next level?  It's entirely your choice.

[JerryRG]

I want to be free

[Herodias]

Yes, I know how you feel. My ex and his gf are both immature and awful people. There is nothing we can do about that. I think we feel that as long as we can keep proving how awful they are it somehow helps our self esteem or ego. It can also keep you in a victim mode. I know it is hard because you share a son. That is not ever going to change. Somehow we get stuck here complaining about our exes and not moving on and getting better. You do have your group... .Are you doing anything to meet new people? I am sure you venting here to get out your frustrations, but be careful about continuing to talk to other people about it. I have noticed people don't understand why we are not moving on and forgetting about them. Again, I know you have to have some contact. I hope you get custody soon and that will help you have a bit more closure. I bet there are allot of groups you could get into with kids in order for both of you to meet friends and socialize. If you are feeling up to it, I would try and do that. I joined a divorce group and met some women that way... .I don't feel very close to them at this point, but it is fun and gets me out of the house. Those groups tend to be in churches. I actually met two other people who were with people with personality disorders in the divorce group. You may be surprised. That could help you too. Hope this helps... .I understand the being lazy part... .Mostly I just like being alone. Life is what you make it... .I just want to have someone here with me in my own little world. I don't want to have to get out and socialize... .but it is the only way to meet people and they say the key to getting out of a depression is get around people. Ironic.