Can't just run out and buy maturity

[JerryRG]

The thing that strikes me most about my son's mother's  behavior is her immaturity.

She seems to live in a fantasy of her own making, slipping in and out of reality. I believe her frustration arises once her illusions wear off and she's forced to once again come back to the painful truth of her real self, life, existence. Like wanting OZ when she's only got Kansas, backward thinking.

Always wanting each day to be Christmas, I heard someone say.

Seeking the external, the intangible to fill the empty void she only knows as her heart. I can't sleep.

I remember wanting as a child, then one day it dawned on me. Things don't make me happy. Life isn't about what I can aquire, my happiness comes from within.

In doing what I know is right, no matter the pain or cost.

Anyway, I want to sleep, I've seen too much ugly this past week. My son's mother is doing "her thing" by keeping us walking on egg shells.

I've paid enough attention to that crazy woman, I kinda still fear her sometimes, but the One who lives in me is far greater than the one who lives in her.

I will not give up that which I can never lose to chase after that which I can never gain, again.

My son is very real, my exgf is just an illusion, a figment of her own imagination .

Figment fraud... .oh dear I'm tired, thinking of Sigmund Freud, bed time... .losing my mind

[Pretty Woman]

Jerry, they are like children. Many are stunning (physically) but have the emotional maturity of a toddler.

My ex just got back from Disney World. I happened to see a picture of her (through a friend). It was an accident. I wish I hadn't however when I saw it, it hit home for me. Here she is eating a mickey mouse ice cream with her girlfriend.

These women are in their mid 40's. All she does is post pictures of cartoons, Tiger... .it's just weird.

I am not dissing adults for liking Disney. I just find it weird because we are adults. To coo over a cartoon character and have genuine feelings for it doesn't resonate with me. Esp when I was viciously discarded and slandered an assaultive A-Hole.

Eff Winnie the Pooh ().

My ex, as many BPD's is a chameleon. She was into S&M and Bondage with her "manipulative" ex... .who she left me for once (ha ha). With another ex she became a runner. She told me she was dumped because she was "too fat". I suspect this ex dumped her because she was a cop and realized this woman was bat-shiz cray-cray. They lie so much and distort facts it's scary.

With me she was into the arts, enjoyed music and theater. They have NO identity. You fall in love with the best parts of YOURSELF because that's what they are mirroring. When the mirror cracks, that is the REAL BPD unhinged. THAT is the real person you dated.

It's scary to think about but it's true!

[woundedPhoenix]

They have NO identity. You fall in love with the best parts of YOURSELF because that's what they are mirroring. When the mirror cracks, that is the REAL BPD unhinged. THAT is the real person you dated.

It's scary to think about but it's true!

Indeed Pretty Woman, i kind of felt the chills running over my back when i read this.

And when the mirror cracks, those best parts of yourself become the target of the devaluation campaign.

[JerryRG]

They take our broken shards and slash us to pieces and cry because we bleed, then blame us for the wounds they inflict.

Rather shocking huh?

Thanks and you both are right.

My exgf wrote me a huge letter during our honeymoon phase, 100 reasons I love you. The only part she left out, and this is the most important part, was the love.

Lol, on to better days, there is only one situation worse than breaking up with a pwBPD, that is, still being with them.

[woundedPhoenix]

My exgf wrote me a huge letter during our honeymoon phase, 100 reasons I love you. The only part she left out, and this is the most important part, was the love.

I have such a letter too... .there is one sentence i never really understood back then... .

"You define me".

Now i see, i was a personality template for her, something she could idealise and hence mirror.

And once you start to get real and have flaws, you can no longer ":)efine" them, cause it would just reflect all the bad they see inside themselves and which they tried to escape in the first place.

[JerryRG]

That is true, my ex got into everything I did, art, drawing, my music, but that wasn't real. She wanted to move in asap, get engaged, start a family and isolate me from everything and everyone.

My ego said "yes" I found the one, she loves me, she must be god, she said "yes" I found the one, he loves me, I must be god... .

[tammym1972]

My Ex mirrored me too. I didn't realize they weren't his own interests until awhile back he told me that we didn't have anything in common. I really like antiques and got to thinking that he didn't acquire any until after we were together.

[Herodias]

That's the weird thing... .my ex told me I make him want to be a better man. That's why he moved up in his career so fast. He had all kinds of hobbies and I unfortunately got suckered into paying for most of them. He was mirroring all of the people he met! Golf, biking, hiking, paint ball, hunting (only he wouldn't shoot an animal), guns, archery, scuba diving, the gym, photography and pornography! That's allot of hobbies and allot of expense! Nothing satisfied him. He was mad we didn't do any of this together. Now he's picking up the gf hobbies of fishing and canoeing and possibly getting her horses from her husband, if they can get my alimony payments stopped to pay for them! It's just not right. He used me as his mother said. I can see him mirroring her for sure.  I don't think he's going to be happy in a sleepy little town where it's not as easy to cheat. He's got BPD tendencies, but the only mirroring he did with me is the emotions I showed him. Is that unusual? Maybe because I don't have hobbies he liked, he didn't copy me. He did try and dress nice... .I swear he was just being how he grew up. Now he's pretending to be a mountain man- beard and all! Mine told me we didn't have anything in common too... .Weird!

[tammym1972]

That's the weird thing... .my ex told me I make him want to be a better man. He had all kinds of hobbies and I unfortunately got suckered into paying for most of them. He was mirroring all of the people he met! Golf, biking, hiking, paint ball, hunting (only he wouldn't shoot an animal), guns, archery, scuba diving, the gym, photography and pornography! That's allot of hobbies and allot of expense! Nothing satisfied him. He was mad we didn't do any of this together. Now he's picking up the gf hobbies of fishing and canoeing and possibly getting her horses from her husband, if they can get my alimony payments stopped to pay for them! It's just not right. He used me as his mother said. I can see him mirroring her for sure.  I don't think he's going to be happy in a sleepy little town where it's not as easy to cheat. He's got BPD tendencies, but the only mirroring he did with me is the emotions I showed him. Is that unusual? Maybe because I don't have hobbies he liked, he didn't copy me. He did try and dress nice... .I swear he was just being how he grew up. Now he's pretending to be a mountain man- beard and all! Weird!

Weird. Mine went from clean cut to mountain man too!

[Herodias]

Tammy, that's strange. I kept thinking that maybe he was too stressed out and wanted a more relaxed life. He told me the new gf is cheap! Lol - I doubt the baby is! Well, as my sister said- karma is getting him now. He lost his job he worked ten years to advance himself and now he lives in the mountains. I just wonder how long he will last without getting bored.