30years of ignorance

[wishful545]

Ok first post is here. I'm married a long time to an u/BPD. I have received and put up with rage, anger, mental manipulation because I am a weaker personality. I try to help others before myself including her.  What I have come to realize recently is how wrong I have been handling this and how much harm has been inflicted on my kids by burying my head in the sand. It makes me almost as quilty as she is.  I have been reading books about setting boundaries. It works a little but, when the attack goes toward one of my kids (23 daughter, 20 son, both still living at home) I fear leaving her alone with them. They aren't prepared to live on their own yet, and my son is the only one to effectively fend her off. (He has some BPD traits). I love her and hate her, is that messed up or what! I can't put 30+ years in one post. Thanks for reading.

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[ElinorD]

I have just figured this out after 24 years, so I feel for you. I don't know what took me so long, except that my DH is high-functioning, so the risk-taking and self-harm aren't there to really grab attention.

I was just thinking this morning about how much my DH has caused emotional issues in our nearly grown children (and I have, too, by being codependent), and how much I hate my DH when he gets that fearful look in his eyes and hard expression on his face. He does that when he's feeling threatened and getting ready to strike (not physically).  How is it that I got to a point where I can hate my husband? I really don't like him anymore. It's really sad.

So clearly I don't have advice. I'm here to say, me, too. You're not alone.