How to announce that you're moving far away?

[heartofglass]

I currently live in the same town as my BPD mom and we have her only grandchildren. My dad died earlier this year, and I no longer see the benefit of living here without him. We have no history here (only recently moved here) and it's far away from everything. It now just seems so random to be here.

DH and I are seriously considering selling our house and moving thousands of miles away, closer to his family, and starting over. Even just the thought of that makes me so happy. I'm finally free of the FOG and I feel like it's time to live for myself, now that I finally don't care what she thinks.

My mom doesn't suspect we're planning anything quite yet, but I'm guessing she's starting to wonder why I've been so uncharacteristically distant. Us moving away and taking away her grandchildren, especially now that she's a widow, would be unthinkable to her. I can imagine she'll either break down and do everything to make us pity her, or turn completely nasty and make our lives miserable. Or she'll act like she doesn't care, and do subtle things to sabotage us somehow. (She has unlimited spare time to think about these things.)

How do I break such huge, unexpected news to a BPD, whose worst fear is abandonment? I no longer feel the FOG, but I do fear being hurt again.

[Turkish]

How is her relationship with them? 

[HappyChappy]

Hi Hartofglass,

I'm sorry to hear your father passed away earlier this year. It does sound like you are very aware of your situation and have made great progress in healing from the influence of a BPD mother.

You said  “now I'm finally free of the FOG.”  and your father has passed on, you want to move. Which makes complete sense. But If so , why do you seam apprehensive of moving ? Especially when you say “Even just the thought of that makes me so happy.”

Your predictions on how your mom will react sound about right for someone with BPD. But as their worst fear is abandonment, I guess anything you can do to lessen that will help. But as you are aware your mom will start a campaign, short notice might make it practically easier for you. But what do your husband and children think about all this ?