Struggling so much

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

This time last week I was so excited knowing my wife was on a plane on her way back to me (flying US to UK).

She told me she was here for a few weeks to work on our marriage and I had been working on a romantic trip to italy for us. 

I drove to the airport at 7am and was stood smiling waiting for her - she met me with a huge smile and a kiss.  I drove her home and she commented on how blue the english sky was.  I took her into my parents house and they both met her with a big cuddle.  We went to my room where she had clothes to organise - she started to organise her clothes and asked me to open a bottle of champagne we had been sent a few months earlier. To celebrate she said.

I opened  the champagne and she requested I drink it with her - she had 3-4 glasses ( I had half a glass)  and then she  stood up looked at me with a big smile on her face and said "so last week i have filed for divorce.  You can either do it the easy way or the hard way and my lawyer is a tiger", "once you sign the papers I will be taking my clothes and going to a hotel and i will be flying back to america tomorrow".

She left and flew back to America and has blocked me/ignored me ever since.

I am so so utterly devestated - I feel broken into pieces.  I know what a cruel and wicked thing what she did was and I can rationalise how bad she has been to me for years but why do i still miss her ? Why do i feel abandoned by her ?

I dont know how or if I will get through this as the pain i feel is so consuming.  I cant sleep and at least 1-2 times an hour I get such a pang of panic and anxiety.

[CooperD]

This time last week I was so excited knowing my wife was on a plane on her way back to me (flying US to UK).

She told me she was here for a few weeks to work on our marriage and I had been working on a romantic trip to italy for us. 

I drove to the airport at 7am and was stood smiling waiting for her - she met me with a huge smile and a kiss.  I drove her home and she commented on how blue the english sky was.  I took her into my parents house and they both met her with a big cuddle.  We went to my room where she had clothes to organise - she started to organise her clothes and asked me to open a bottle of champagne we had been sent a few months earlier. To celebrate she said.

I opened  the champagne and she requested I drink it with her - she had 3-4 glasses ( I had half a glass)  and then she  stood up looked at me with a big smile on her face and said "so last week i have filed for divorce.  You can either do it the easy way or the hard way and my lawyer is a tiger", "once you sign the papers I will be taking my clothes and going to a hotel and i will be flying back to america tomorrow".

She left and flew back to America and has blocked me/ignored me ever since.

I am so so utterly devestated - I feel broken into pieces.  I know what a cruel and wicked thing what she did was and I can rationalise how bad she has been to me for years but why do i still miss her ? Why do i feel abandoned by her ?

I dont know how or if I will get through this as the pain i feel is so consuming.  I cant sleep and at least 1-2 times an hour I get such a pang of panic and anxiety.

[Larmoyant]

Hi CooperD, my heart goes out to you. What she did was incredibly cruel and there are no words to express how horrible it must feel.   Please know that you will get through this. It might not feel like it now, but you will. One hour at a time if need be and please know you're not alone. We understand this kind of pain 

[tammym1972]

You may want to go to your doctor and have them prescribe something for the anxiety. My doctor gave me Hydroxyzine and it made a huge difference. Here are some breathing exercises that have helped me too.

[lovenature]

Hey Coop

Sadly it all depends on their current emotion of the moment, and they have such an amount of core shame that they always have to be the better person than their partner, a defense that goes as far as them making up their own reality for past, present, and future. Remember that BPD is a serious mental illness, we can't rationalize the irrational.