I'm back and it's over...this time for sure.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello all. IF you have been following my posts, the last one was about uBPDw wanting a divorce. I begged and pleaded and talked her out of it. We went to a few sessions of counseling. Then things went back to "abnormal". After being told constantly how awful her life has been for two years, how everything is my fault, how I am screwing up her daughter's head ( sorry she had emotional issues when I met her) and a whole host of other things ( read my posts... .its all there) I just finally threw in the towel. We discussed her moving out. 3 hours later she finds and apartment. A day later she is blaming me saying that I am forcing her out and that it was my decision alone. Typical. My shoulders are broad and strong but I can no longer bear the weight of financial servitude and accusations that I am mean to her daughter. I set down simple rules and boundaries which were "undone" by uBPDw at every turn. I was in a no win situation from the beginning. It seemed like the more I gave, the more I bent over backwards to please her, the more she resented me.
Yes. I tried the tools. Didn't help. Tried everything. Nothing worked.
It got to a point where I had to chose my health and happiness or her. If I stayed longer I feel that I would be dead in 10 years.
And I am tired. Really tired. I just want peace and tranquility.
In the last several weeks I have purposefully stayed busy and stayed away from the home that I love to be in ( or used to love to be in). It's energy is horrible. After they move out, I am pulling out all the stops. Sage. Priest. Everything. I adore my home and it has not been happy! I will lovingly care for it. Freshen it up with new paint and flowers and candles and a few new furnishings to get out the bad energy.
They are moving out December 28. I hate that this is happening over the holidays and we have to stick it out in the same house through Thanksgiving. There is no good time and it just happened like this. When you reach your end, you reach it. I will be away for Christmas with my daughter THANK GOD and return home after she has moved out.
I will not change my mind. I will not beg her to stay. It is her or me now and I chose me.
Yet it kills. Really it does. I try to stay strong by remembering all the horrible things, the gas lighting and aggression and disrespect, the financial abuse and verbal abuse.
It is still hard to believe that the woman that I fell in love with did all these things to me but, alas, such is the story of so many of us on this site.
By the way, I found a new therapist (actually the one we saw two times who agreed to see me alone). First alone session she called it: NPD/BPD. Bingo! And by the way she said... .GET OUT of this relationship! LOL. No kidding!

[michel71]

Hello all. IF you have been following my posts, the last one was about uBPDw wanting a divorce. I begged and pleaded and talked her out of it. We went to a few sessions of counseling. Then things went back to "abnormal". After being told constantly how awful her life has been for two years, how everything is my fault, how I am screwing up her daughter's head ( sorry she had emotional issues when I met her) and a whole host of other things ( read my posts... .its all there) I just finally threw in the towel. We discussed her moving out. 3 hours later she finds and apartment. A day later she is blaming me saying that I am forcing her out and that it was my decision alone. Typical. My shoulders are broad and strong but I can no longer bear the weight of financial servitude and accusations that I am mean to her daughter. I set down simple rules and boundaries which were "undone" by uBPDw at every turn. I was in a no win situation from the beginning. It seemed like the more I gave, the more I bent over backwards to please her, the more she resented me.
Yes. I tried the tools. Didn't help. Tried everything. Nothing worked.
It got to a point where I had to chose my health and happiness or her. If I stayed longer I feel that I would be dead in 10 years.
And I am tired. Really tired. I just want peace and tranquility.
In the last several weeks I have purposefully stayed busy and stayed away from the home that I love to be in ( or used to love to be in). It's energy is horrible. After they move out, I am pulling out all the stops. Sage. Priest. Everything. I adore my home and it has not been happy! I will lovingly care for it. Freshen it up with new paint and flowers and candles and a few new furnishings to get out the bad energy.
They are moving out December 28. I hate that this is happening over the holidays and we have to stick it out in the same house through Thanksgiving. There is no good time and it just happened like this. When you reach your end, you reach it. I will be away for Christmas with my daughter THANK GOD and return home after she has moved out.
I will not change my mind. I will not beg her to stay. It is her or me now and I chose me.
Yet it kills. Really it does. I try to stay strong by remembering all the horrible things, the gas lighting and aggression and disrespect, the financial abuse and verbal abuse.
It is still hard to believe that the woman that I fell in love with did all these things to me but, alas, such is the story of so many of us on this site.
By the way, I found a new therapist (actually the one we saw two times who agreed to see me alone). First alone session she called it: NPD/BPD. Bingo! And by the way she said... .GET OUT of this relationship! LOL. No kidding!

[Larmoyant]

Hi michel71,  you sound strong and committed to this decision and that will help you a lot. I understand the struggle with knowing it's the right decision yet missing them still or at least the idea of them. Making your house your home sounds like a great plan. The future's all yours now. Sending you lots of good wishes. Keep coming back here to process all the break-up emotions. I find it really helps ground me confirming I made the right decision to leave even if I waiver at times. 

[michel71]

Thank you for that Larmoyant. I really appreciate your support and the support of this Board in general. There are some good peeps on here. Pretty much I am in a good space right now. It still is new, one week since the "big talk" but I am mostly hopeful and looking forward to my own space again. Don't get me wrong, I have had some sad moments but I try to stay away from reminiscing and see it for what it truly was. It helps to have some of the worse episodes to draw on but I like to concentrate instead on just the good feelings of peace and contentment that I will have when they move out. I feel very energized and strong and steadfast in my decision. I have allowed myself to have been controlled and manipulated and I am taking my power back. Yes. I will be checking in on here and sharing along the way. I hope that I can help somebody else who is going through this one day.