Why do NPD/BPD keep your pain alive?

[bus boy]

I have detached from my Xw but questions, answers and theories pop into my mind. Xw never shared one shread of anything about her life with me, nothing. She extracted lots from me and very skillfully used my pain and fears against me. As I heal I can see how often she re opened my wounds and stuck a knife in them. Xw has moved on to another r/s but still on every chance she insisted on re opening my pain. I have went NC but I'm the past, especially since she met her BF she has to say something to keep my pain alive. I have a theory on this... .She is in pain and finds temporary relief in keeping my pain alive and kicking. I don't give her this opportunity any more and I am moving forward fast in my recovery. If normal people move on do they still try to keep there ex partners pain alive?

[JerryRG]

Hey bus boy

I heard this exact thing from a very good friend of mine just last night. She told me that my son's mother is trying to hurt me any way she can by using any means she can.

She will use any opportunity to get me emotionally upset and if she succeeds, she won some form of satisfaction.

The thing I need to focus on and develope is my ability to cope with her without the emotional reaction.

That's all we can do bro, my x won't change and she loves to hurt people, she's just wired that way.

Good luck bus boy, keep working to get well, they won't

Forgot to mention I watched a few videos on Cluster B and they really empathize with people who share custody with one. Pat yourself on the back, you are facing the flames of a Cluster B in all thier glory

[bus boy]

Thanks JRG. She just keeps on getting worse. I'm getting better.

[enlighten me]

Hi busboy

yes when they hurt they want to hirt the person causing them the hurt. They fail to realise that ultimately they caused it themselves so rather than face that they blame others. Like a child that is punished for doing wrong. It the parents that get blamed not them for doing wrong in the first place.

As your discovering they can only cause you pain if you let them. Pain, anger, happiness can only be caused by ourselves and if we dont allow or accept others inputs then we can avoid that pain. It might sound zen but its just logical. No one can make us happy we have to want to be inversely no one can make us sad unless we want to be.