Hi,
PrettyWoman posted about holiday triggers and I decided to start a new topic about that in particular. I am trying not to think about how he is off having a glorious holiday with his new family by remembering all of mine with him;
2007- We had been dating and he went home for the holidays so I did not see him... .he came back and told me he had slept with an old friend. I forgave him. (she told me after our divorce it was a lie. I know now it was made to make me feel uncomfortable around her later... .)
2008-We were just married. We had a simple little Xmas at home... .he got drunk and was really mean to me. I ended up going to a movie by myself. I went to pay for my ticket and they told me someone paid ahead for a ticket for anyone that came in alone... .that was very nice. I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button... .alone. He vomitted all over my new chair.
2009- He acted strange and had some sort of panicked feelings that he couldn't go to work. He called out sick and wanted me to call work for him the next couple days like a child out of school. He told me he wanted us to take our pets to my Mothers and spend Xmas there for the weekend. Of course I said yes. He demanded expensive gifts.
2010-We had a big fight just before Xmas, because he was texting with someone from work who told me she was giving him blow jobs in the parking lot! She was married. He ended up cutting himself in the kitchen and I had to call 911... .it was the first time I witnessed this. He never went to my parents for the holiday and it was the last Xmas my Brother-in law was alive... .He told me he had to work. I later found out he was helping put together a bicycle for the future woman in my beds child. So there were two women at that time. He once again demanded expensive gifts.
2011- We went to an Xmas party and he didn't talk to anyone there... .Then on Xmas we had the family over... .he was kind of a jerk to everyone. He wasn't really into it. Drank too much and peed the bed. He demanded expensive gifts.
2012-His Father came to visit beforehand and that was good... .We had my family over and he cooked a great meal. He drank too much and asked my nephew to find drugs for him : ( Again with the need for expensive gifts... .his Mother told me not to, but I didn't listen. He would act like his family spent so much money on him that I should too. She told me that they buy name brands at TJMaxx!
2013- We had our first Xmas in our new home. We had my parents in from out of state. It was ok... .he seemed a bit distant though. He demanded all kinds of very expensive gifts! We had just gotten him out of rehab, so it was better than the others. My Mother made the meal and he did not like how she cooked it (we all didn't for that matter), but he was quite mean and embarrassing about it. He made them so uncomfortable that they had to leave our home and spend their last day at my sisters. He told my step father. "Now we can have the place to ourselves again." Again with the expensive gifts!
2014- He cooked dinner that day, no one wanted to be around us or have us over because of him. He got mad at me and told me he couldn't stand to look at my face while we were eating dinner. He took his plate (that had just been a xmas gift that year) and threw it in the sink hoping to break it and screamed, " I hate this plate!" He kept whipping knives around me and near me to scare me. When I had finally heard enough swear words and felt threaten, I left to drive to my sisters... .a half an hour away. An hour later he text me and told me that everything was good there and that he was going to bed. Since I thought it was safe to come home, I did. All for him to yell at me and burst out again. Grabbing me and threatening me. Swearing and telling me to get out of his house. I went to my sisters again... .all of this driving Xmas eve! Little did I know he had planned on having someone over. I never slept and my sister had to go to work early, so I went home at 4:30 in the morning. There was not a car there, he picked her up. Her purse was on the counter and their clothes were by the fireplace. I went upstairs to my bedroom and there they were in my bed with the light on. They were asleep and the woman had a smile on her face I will never forget. She was recycled from before. I walked over and slapped him hard on the face. He got up and very calmly asked me why I did that? The woman said' " She is hurt"... .I called the police, they made him leave. I proceeded to take the Xmas tree down and throw it out the door. I returned most of the expensive gifts! Filed for separation in Jan.
2015- He wrote me and said, " Best Xmas I ever had with you not being a part of my life, thank you!"
He is a monster... .Do you think he is going to have a happy Xmas with the new gf and baby? I don't believe it for a minute! I feel better writing that out to remind myself of this. What a hateful person. I guess if they can't feel joy, they don't want anyone to. I don't feel "triggered" any more, just grateful to be out of that and able to enjoy the holidays once again. Hope you all can too!
