Ex started antidepressants

[GIStock]

After she flaunted how happy she was with my replacement after going through "hell" with me on fb. She (good friends with my brother) told him that she started taking antidepressants recently and asking about the side effects. We have been NC for 3 month.

If her life is so good and happy without me (she posted on fb the past year was "hell", why is she started antidepressants? Or is she lying to get my attention?

I know I should not overthink this but would just like to know any opinions or similar experiences.

[Pretty Woman]

Hi GI,
  If your ex truly is BPD, antidepressants are not going to all of a sudden make her happy and nice to people. BPD recovery is HARD work, it involves lots of therapy and a drug will not fix it. A majority of BPD's don't stick out the therapy it's that extensive. There is NO magic pill. It may numb her to full-outbursts but anti-D's won't FIX her.

I have posted this before on this site and have no problems posting it again: Facebook should be called FAKEbook. No one puts their "bad side" on Facebook. Even when you were with her, think back... .she also posted some good stuff along with the bad.

BPD's are good at manipulating situations for their own benefit. The replacement might also lack boundaries and be easier to manipulate than you were. Don't envy them because they "seem happy" or it seems to be lasting longer. From personal experience, I know four of my ex's exes... .

her long term relationships were fraught with conflict and actually physically abusive. These exes stayed friends with her after she cheated on them, used them and in some cases, even stole from them.

It really depends on how strong your boundaries are. The stronger your boundaries are they start to realize you are "on to them"... .once they see they can't fully control you they tend to look for a weaker victim.

I know it's hard, being betrayed. Been there. All I can say is it's not what you think it is. They are NOT all of a sudden happy and well. It takes two and if the new person doesn't stand up for themselves it does tends to last longer.

Do you know what that means, friend? Longer misery. Imagine what you went through only 2-3 years longer. Now that is H E L L.

Trust me, there is NO way to please a BPD. You can be completely passive and eventually they will get bored and leave. They will think of you as a doormat and have 0 respect for you. Or you can stand up for yourself, enforce boundaries and get the EXACT same results.

Try to work on you and don't take anything she posts/says as word. In many cases she is playing "victim" and trying to evoke sympathy and yeah maybe throwing some shade your way to get a reaction.

Don't give her the satisfaction.

Keep posting and try to avoid FAKEbook as much as you can.

 
PW

[Warcleods]

Pretty Woman,

I think that is a pretty accurate insight.  I highly sensed my ex uBPD knew I was on to her bs.  I'd consider myself pretty good at reading people.  The problem I faced was that ignored the red flags but have always sensed them and played into her victim card as a means to justify something I never should have.  Come to find out now that I ignored them because I was also looking for something from her.  However, I did not use manipulation as a way to get anything.  I was straightforward, honest and backup up my words with actions all of the time.  Something she was never able to do.

[Pretty Woman]

Warcleods,
  The stronger a personality you have, the more hostile the union with a BPD. They are the Queens/Kings of boundary busting. When met with opposition they will mow you down like nobody's business in an attempt to gain control.

You can still be a strong person and end up with a BPD. We all have insecurities and none of us are 100 % confident with ourselves, or we wouldn't have stayed in these terrible relationships. The more I educated myself on BPD the more my ex knew I was REALLY on to her. Right down to patterns. It got to the point I could predict what would happen... .
and it always did.

We saw the red flags and we chose to ignore them. We wanted to see the good in someone where there really wasn't any.

I think we should all walk away realizing it's all about ACTIONS not words. You can say anything you want but if you don't prove it by example all they are are words. If a BPD exclaims they love you but sleeps with your best friend... .

um. Actions vs Words.

[drained1996]

   GI,

I think the more important question at this juncture is why do you allow it to matter to you? 

[GIStock]

My boundaries were moderate. Sometimes I think back there are simple things I could've just given up to result in less conflict. But like you all said, she lose all respect for me. This happened in a previous recycle where I gave up all my friends for her only to find out that she then dumped me for someone else. In a way, this recycle I decide to give another chance because she also asked me about antidepressant after 3 years f discard as a conversation opener and because I am a medical professsonal. That is how we started talking and dating again.  I fell back into it. I was a dumbass.  But then this discard allowed me to gain insight and clarity that I was not able to obtain before. Same thing happen again this time, I was discarded for someone else who "understands" her. Oh I just want to add that during previous recycle, I was replaced by someone in a church she met who claimed she is "the one." And she should only date Christians. I am so sick of her inability to create her own boundaries for men that just want to get in her pants.

Why do I get bothered by this? I know I should not. It was just a trigger that led me to think all afternoon. I don't know if she did that on purpose but at this point it does not matter. Thanks for all sharing your opinion and listening to my rambling.