How to Stop Ruminating----Dealing with Holiday Triggers

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi Friends,
   I know the holidays are upon us. I also know this can be a very hard time coming out of relationships with a BPD or a emotionally disordered Ex.

Many of us were very isolated from friends and family in our relationships. I know from my experience, my only "safe haven" were these boards. At the same time I posted A LOT. I was obsessed over my ex and couldn't stop thinking about her. I wanted to tell "everyone who would listen" how badly I was wronged and how horrible she was to me.

While that was cathartic it also slowed my healing process. I talked about my ex ad-nauseum to anyone who would listen.

Now, close to two years removed from my situation with NC on both our parts, I see things much clearer. You need to keep your mind occupied and OFF your ex. I am not saying you need to let them off the hook for their behavior, but in order to truly heal you need to step away from them mentally.

How do you do this?

It isn't easy. It's a process. You will likely fall a few times, but with consistent practice it helps!

Get involved.

Get involved with a hobby group, join a bowling league, a community book club... .volunteer. GIVE BACK. I found that helping others that APPRECIATE your efforts made me feel good and boosted my self-esteem. I also joined community social groups where I knew no one. Being around strangers helped. I didn't want to be the "weird chick obsessing over her ex girlfriend" so I didn't tell my story to these people. I stopped talking about my ex and actually engaged in normal conversation with people... .a skill I thought I had lost... .

Today, some of these people are my best friends.  

Sometimes we have to step outside our comfort zone to initiate CHANGE. I challenge you, if you are struggling this time of year, to step outside your comfort zone. As unpredictable as our relationships were, so is life. Sometimes a little "disruption" to your normal routine, or wallowing after a break up, can produce some beneficial results.

I am wishing you ALL a Happy, Healthy and Wonderful Holiday Season. Life IS Good and you all deserve the best.

Be good to yourselves    

PW

[Pretty Woman]

Hi Friends,
   I know the holidays are upon us. I also know this can be a very hard time coming out of relationships with a BPD or a emotionally disordered Ex.

Many of us were very isolated from friends and family in our relationships. I know from my experience, my only "safe haven" were these boards. At the same time I posted A LOT. I was obsessed over my ex and couldn't stop thinking about her. I wanted to tell "everyone who would listen" how badly I was wronged and how horrible she was to me.

While that was cathartic it also slowed my healing process. I talked about my ex ad-nauseum to anyone who would listen.

Now, close to two years removed from my situation with NC on both our parts, I see things much clearer. You need to keep your mind occupied and OFF your ex. I am not saying you need to let them off the hook for their behavior, but in order to truly heal you need to step away from them mentally.

How do you do this?

It isn't easy. It's a process. You will likely fall a few times, but with consistent practice it helps!

Get involved.

Get involved with a hobby group, join a bowling league, a community book club... .volunteer. GIVE BACK. I found that helping others that APPRECIATE your efforts made me feel good and boosted my self-esteem. I also joined community social groups where I knew no one. Being around strangers helped. I didn't want to be the "weird chick obsessing over her ex girlfriend" so I didn't tell my story to these people. I stopped talking about my ex and actually engaged in normal conversation with people... .a skill I thought I had lost... .

Today, some of these people are my best friends.  

Sometimes we have to step outside our comfort zone to initiate CHANGE. I challenge you, if you are struggling this time of year, to step outside your comfort zone. As unpredictable as our relationships were, so is life. Sometimes a little "disruption" to your normal routine, or wallowing after a break up, can produce some beneficial results.

I am wishing you ALL a Happy, Healthy and Wonderful Holiday Season. Life IS Good and you all deserve the best.

Be good to yourselves    

PW