My ex and the father of my kids is not leaving me alone

[Gladiola]

My ex and the father of my kids is not leaving me alone,
We're separated for over two years and legally divorced.
He still belives we will get back together.He is verbally abusive through the years,also after separation and divorce.
His behavior and actions are rapidly changing and he is verbal abusive to the oldest child(18),and recently to the youngest(8).Is obsession with me is beyond  description.He threatens to leave and to never come back,but he hasn't done it yet.He says he will help himself only if he will be able to get things back to what they were before the separation.Ironically,things were so bad.He

[Turkish]

Many don't get that divorce means divorce.   

What's your custody status? Your 18 yo is legally an adult.  How is he or she handling it?  We have lessons on boundaries here which you can digest and pass on which might help. 

[Mutt]

Hi Gladiola,



I'd like to join  Turkish and welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry that you're going through this.

Many don't get that divorce means divorce

When the marriage is over it doesn't mean that the conflict is over. I'm glad that you decided to reach for help from people that have walked a mile in your shoes. From what shared with us so far, he's emotionally blackmailing you with the fear in fog or fear, obligation, guilt, wuth threats of his permanent departure ( I'm guessing ),it helps to identify these behaviors and set a boundary in ourselves with how we read to it. We can change how someone behaves towards us to a degree with how we react to them. When I say to a degree, it doesn't that they won't rest from time to time, but if we keep defending our boundaries with resolve, eventually they'll get the picture that the behavior is not going to receive an emotional reaction from us. I hope that helps.

"FOG" - fear, obligation, guilt