how do l stop the abuse

[Depression = 72% of members]

hello... .this is my first post on here... l am in love with a man who has BPD he has not been diagnosed formally or professionally l knew something was wrong and started researching myself... he goes into rages over nothing and becomes a completely different person.
After 4 months of a most wonderful loving time together when we first fell in love the first time it started l said l felt differently about something he was doing and did not want to partake l did not criticise him just said l would be in the kitchen making dinner... he then make a critical remark to me and said he could not eat his food and then went to throw up... He became dark, withdrawn and completely cold and treated me like a stranger... No matter what l did or said it didn't help bring 'him' back l went to bed stating that l loved him and l would wait for him l cried myself to sleep l thought he would leave and l would never see him again.  I didn't understand then he then came upstairs told me how much he loved me and said sorry and that l had seen the dark side of him... 2 days later when he was going to introduce me to his daughter he ended our relationship l was absolutely heartbroken... .he is the love of my life... a few weeks later he came back and we spend many weeks together without incident and became closer... .when he is not cycling and is 'normal' he is the most adorable gentle loving man l have ever met and supportive and protective and caring... .it is in these time l brought up the subject of BPD and he agreed that he might have it and agreed to go and see a DR with me... .he didn't and after l met his daughter she is 15 and l love her he said after a while to me... welcome to my life if you think this is bad you should have known him before... .she has learned to handle the abuse in her own way... it is heartbreaking... When we are out he can cycle over the smallest thing... .he ended our relationship 2 times since the last time because he came to see me and l didn't know the time he was coming he never told me and my phone turned itself off in my bag and he couldn't get hold of me... he was coming to take me into hospital for a small investigation which was very important... the focus on the day should have been this and somehow l had become someone terrible he would not accept that my phone was broken and that l would never wilfully not answer his calls l love him he screamed at me for 2 hours until l had to go and be sick l was terrified... l had to go and find out whether or not my pre cancerous cells had gone after 3 months of medication or not and even when l found out everything was clear the wonderful news went over my head  he told me in the street that l could call him if l was ever in danger but that he would never come back... .it is as though he has to punish me and to hurt me until l nearly break  l love him very much and l so want us to work when he is wonderful it is amazing the certentage of when it is bad went from 90% good to !0% bad now it is lowering to 50% good to 50% bad... .l am so hoping for advice on constructive ways to handle my pain exit when he rages to avoid the pain for both of us as after he feels guilty and terrible about his behaviour  please if any help out there... I live in Southern Spain l am English he is Spanish are there any support groups here

[wonderfuldays]

hello... .this is my first post on here... l am in love with a man who has BPD he has not been diagnosed formally or professionally l knew something was wrong and started researching myself... he goes into rages over nothing and becomes a completely different person.
After 4 months of a most wonderful loving time together when we first fell in love the first time it started l said l felt differently about something he was doing and did not want to partake l did not criticise him just said l would be in the kitchen making dinner... he then make a critical remark to me and said he could not eat his food and then went to throw up... He became dark, withdrawn and completely cold and treated me like a stranger... No matter what l did or said it didn't help bring 'him' back l went to bed stating that l loved him and l would wait for him l cried myself to sleep l thought he would leave and l would never see him again.  I didn't understand then he then came upstairs told me how much he loved me and said sorry and that l had seen the dark side of him... 2 days later when he was going to introduce me to his daughter he ended our relationship l was absolutely heartbroken... .he is the love of my life... a few weeks later he came back and we spend many weeks together without incident and became closer... .when he is not cycling and is 'normal' he is the most adorable gentle loving man l have ever met and supportive and protective and caring... .it is in these time l brought up the subject of BPD and he agreed that he might have it and agreed to go and see a DR with me... .he didn't and after l met his daughter she is 15 and l love her he said after a while to me... welcome to my life if you think this is bad you should have known him before... .she has learned to handle the abuse in her own way... it is heartbreaking... When we are out he can cycle over the smallest thing... .he ended our relationship 2 times since the last time because he came to see me and l didn't know the time he was coming he never told me and my phone turned itself off in my bag and he couldn't get hold of me... he was coming to take me into hospital for a small investigation which was very important... the focus on the day should have been this and somehow l had become someone terrible he would not accept that my phone was broken and that l would never wilfully not answer his calls l love him he screamed at me for 2 hours until l had to go and be sick l was terrified... l had to go and find out whether or not my pre cancerous cells had gone after 3 months of medication or not and even when l found out everything was clear the wonderful news went over my head  he told me in the street that l could call him if l was ever in danger but that he would never come back... .it is as though he has to punish me and to hurt me until l nearly break  l love him very much and l so want us to work when he is wonderful it is amazing the certentage of when it is bad went from 90% good to !0% bad now it is lowering to 50% good to 50% bad... .l am so hoping for advice on constructive ways to handle my pain exit when he rages to avoid the pain for both of us as after he feels guilty and terrible about his behaviour  please if any help out there... I live in Southern Spain l am English he is Spanish are there any support groups here

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Meili]

Whether or not he has been diagnosed is not as important as you recognizing the traits of BPD. That gives you a place to work from.

These relationships are frustrating with cycles of conflict followed by periods of bliss. It's common to feel like you can't go on today, and then be back in the saddle next week and doing OK. Push and pull. Hopefully, we can will help you get out of the day to day chaos. You will benefit if you learn the "Stop the bleeding" tools such as validation, techniques for defining and maintaining boundaries, and using time outs. There are some great links in the sidebar to the right to help you get started.