Suggestions for changing jobs in order to cope with C-PTSD after BPD mom

[Newrites]

I'm not a ladder climber. At all. But I do seek the praise I didn't receive growing up, and I need too much external validation (winning awards, being chosen for leadership programs, etc.)

I DO crave praise for my work. Unfortunately, the position I've worked into over 20 years is not as prestigious as it might seem. I work with several supervisors who seem to have major family/emotional issues. Rules are unclear, direction unclear, it's easy to fail and credit is almost claimed by the "team." There's a lot of office politics at play, bullying and intimidation. But there is the POTENTIAL to make a big difference and create big community change.

I have an opportunity to go back to the position I took straight out of college. It's helping indigent people and working in some depressed situations, but I did enjoy it and I truly believed I was helping a lot of the people I served.

* If I'm starting therapy for C-PTSD due to a bi-polar mother and have 2 family members on Hospice, would it be foolhardy to start a new (although old) job? It would give me back about 1.5 hours a day due to less commuting time. I would not be working around intimidating people. I would be happy to help people who really needed help. But I might become very bored if I was not allowed to work on any creative projects. There wouldn't be a lot of validation, because I'd be one of the most educated people working in this environment.

* Or... .stay where I am, with situations that trigger me. (Yet when I walk into the office I kid myself that I AM important, and I am building connections with larger agencies that are important. I do crave that validation. But I fear it too, as I'm so afraid I just look like I'm failing.)

As I begin DBT therapy, will my desires change? Will I start to lose the desire to get validation and admiration from those I work with?

I'm just so afraid of making the wrong choice. Personally, I think I should go for the less prestigious job and work on creative endeavors at home, and work on healing myself.

Opinions?

[Sunfl0wer]

Idk, when I was struggling with some things, I ended up making a new job decision with my T who felt that the new job would help me feel more stable mentally cause of the external structure it provided.  (Even though I enjoy not having that structure)

Turned out, I took too long to decide so it was given away!
Ended up working out though and being a wake up call for me to step up to the plate and get more organized so I could more successfully remain in my position.

I am not sure I hear a correlation of starting therapy and it being a deterrent for a new job?  Or even family members on hospice?  What I think matters is what level of stress you think the new job will either add or alleviate.  Or how benefits of better coworkers or such may affect things.  Also things like pay and benefits and other stuff.

I think this is your decision to make and you are leaning to one side.

How about tell us what is holding you back from doing what you want?
You are fearful of losing validation?
Anything else?

[Rebecca333]

Hi!

Job changes are always difficult decisions, and you definitely have a lot going on.  You said that you fear losing validation.  However, in your post you mentioned that your supervisors have emotional issues, that credit is not always given to the proper person, and that the workplace is highly political. 

So... .take the following if it fits, and discard it if it doesn't.  I worked for 13 years in a situation where I occasionally got good feedback, but more often than not was scapegoated, dismissed, and so on.  I literally cried on my way to work more often than not.  After 13 years, huge negative health impacts, and suffering from depression, I finally got it.  If the well is dry, don't keep hoping that water will be there.  If you are staying at your workplace for occasionally being validated, you might want to consider that in another workplace you could get consistent validation, and see real value to your work that would help you learn to validate yourself.  Again, just my opinion in hopes of being helpful.

I think the assumption that you would not be validated at the new position might not be totally accurate.  Just because the others would have less education, doesn't mean that their feedback won't mean a lot to you, especially once you get to know people.  I think it might be really great to work with coworkers who are trying to make a difference, even if only at a "small" level.  The pebble might be small, but the ripples still flow outward, and you may never know the totality of the good you do. 

On the other hand, direct service in a human services type position can bring its own kind of stress.  How that would play out depends on so many individual factors, that it's hard to say.  Speaking strictly for myself, I love helping people and tend to be good with people in difficult situations, but that kind of work drains me.  (I am an introvert through and through.)

You mentioned starting therapy to address some issues.  I will say that when I was/am working on childhood abuse, my energy tends to go up and down.  Again, this probably varies from person to person, but having a lower stress job can really help.  I am currently in a job where I can coast through a day or two if need be; I'm there, and functional, but not necessarily at peak.

Finally, I encourage you not to minimize the impact of time to pursue creative endeavors.  Releasing creative energy actually makes more life energy, in a weird kind of positive cycle.  The thing there is to really be kind to yourself by making sure that extra time gets put to good use.  I'm a painter and struggle constantly to get to the canvas.  That's not a mental health thing, really, that's a "I'm human" issue.  :-)

It sounds like you are thinking through the pros and cons well.  Sometimes it helps to literally make a list.  Then, when you have everything down, spend some time writing what you FEEL about each statement.  Not what you think you should feel, or what makes sense, or even what you hope, but what you deep down feel.  Just a suggestion.

I wish you the best in making your decision.  All will be well.

-Rebecca

[HappyChappy]

Hi

If you read your own post back, there is a bias, maybe that is your answer ? I can not make this decision for you, but I can give you my similar position, in that changed my working situation due to my C-PTSD and also CBT therapy.

If you get triggered, stress normally makes you more likely to be triggered, so do consider the stress factor of your job choises. I would also get triggered by people displaying narcisstic behaviour.  So when I realised about BPD and connected all these things, I bascially reduced my hours and cut out all the narcisstic relationships. If I had not been afforded such a change, I would have changed jobs. I didn't mention my C-PTSD.

It’s less money, but I’m happier. You question about will DBT change you, is yes or why do it. But weather that change would affect your decision or not is another thing. CBT gave me the confidence to know the changes were in my healths best interest and that money doesn't make me happy.
 
One decision mechanism is to list the best things that could happen and the worst things. Then simply decide if it is worth accepting the worst thing, for a chance to get the best thing.  But never forget, if you have your health, then you always have options. I hope this helps.