He was kicked out of my job last night

[rarsweet]

I worked yesterday, yes Thanksgiving. My ex came in right as I was going outside on my break. I went around the side of the building to the area out back. As I was coming in the side door 5 minutes later he was pulling around the front of the door and parked on the side, right next to where I went for my break. He sat there in his truck for about 10 minutes. Seemed like he didn't see me go inside and was waiting for me to come around the corner. Last night, around 9pm, one of my coworkers texted me saying that ex was there "trashed", was going off about me, and wouldn't leave. After an hour of her texting that his eyes were glassy, his voice was weird, very low, he was swaying, talking about how our daughter is his whole world and I am a crazy person, that the judge was always on his side, etc, I called my boss at home and let him know what was happening. He lives just down the street and went in and kicked him out. He then lit into my coworkers for not kicking him out sooner. My coworkers thought he was drunk or on something. I don't think he was, he was acting the same he was when he flipped out on a different coworker back in the spring, and the way he would be when he flipped on me alot of times. It's like he's in another world. That behavior is why the judge has asked him if he's on drugs. This is just scary. It's not just about me though. Another one of our stores, about 2 hours away, has kicked him out for loitering. (The manager of that store is a former coworker of mine here). We have another branch of our stores in the same town here and he is always just hanging around there, scratching lottery tickets for hours.

[Kwamina]

Hi rarsweet,

It is concerning that he keeps showing up at your work and other stores and behaves the way he does.

Considering his behavior, do you feel safe at work? Do you think there are any additional steps you could take to keep yourself safe?

It can be difficult enough dealing with a BPD ex, but that he also brings his dysfunction to your work is something that would really bother me.

Take care

[Panda39]

This is scary stalkerish behavior.  You might want to meet with your boss and co-workers and come up with a plan on how you all are going to respond to him if he pulls something like this again.

If it were me and he is acting erratically at my place of business... .the police would be called to remove him.

I think you should seriously consider a restraining order, honestly to me he sounds weirder than your run of the mill pwBPD.

Panda39

[ForeverDad]

This is scary stalkerish behavior.  You might want to meet with your boss and co-workers and come up with a plan on how you all are going to respond to him if he pulls something like this again.

Yes, if it has been contemplated or threatened - or has happened before as in your case - then given enough time it will happen again.

If it were me and he is acting erratically at my place of business... .the police would be called to remove him.

What benefit are the police?  First they are the authorities and as officers of the court they have much more credibility than you or even your boss.  If they had been called, then you could have requested their report for possible use in court should you seek a restraining or protection order.

What can be done right now?  Really, you need to get this event documented.  Wait a while and it means little or nothing.  Would your boss be willing to go to the police and file a report with them?  That aspect of "going off about me" needs to be included in any complaint because that's what is so impactful to you, you're at least part of the 'why' he is hanging around.  And next time don't just call the boss, make sure the police get involved.  Let them be the bad boys.  Documentation is important.

Do you think he knows about the latest news with the court case?  As I said before, you are not his caretaker nor informant.  Do not volunteer information about the case, that's his adult responsibility.  Information about his child, yes; the case, no.

[david]

Call the police next time. The police report will be helpful.

[rarsweet]

His father said that he did come get the mail from the court, the order. Apparently ex told his sister that the order says he has to get my written permission for him to have any contact with our daughter. Obviously not true, not what the order says. So I figure he is either saying that so that it removes any responsibility on his part for not being a part of her life, he can blame it on me, or that he is so messed up he really thinks that is what the order says. I really just want to get away.

[Turkish]

What do you think of the suggestions of calling the police? It may not mean anything other than they come,  talk to him,  file a report,  and have a solid document you can refer to later in court. Though I don't see this situation (from my view not being there) as getting worse,  it certainly looks like it isn't getting better.  The unknowns where he could escalate this are what concern me. 

[rarsweet]

When I was talking to another coworker about the incident(who wasn't there when he got kicked out) I mentioned that our other coworkers had thought he was "trashed" and I said I wasn't too sure about whether he was trashed or not. She said "why not I've asked him to leave when he has been like that too". A few months ago a different had said that he had also experienced my ex flipping out in the store, after he had flipped out on a different coworker and wanted our boss to fire her. Apparently my coworkers haven't been telling me everything that goes on so I don't get upset. I am going to have a talk with my boss and see what he says. He wouldn't show me the tape of the other night when he had to come in to get him to leave. He says "it's nothing you should see". I do appreciate them being concerned about not upsetting me, but I feel vulnerable not knowing what I could be dealing with. At least he only seems to be acting out when I am not there, but my coworkers shouldn't have to deal with it. On another note his father contacted him and mentioned that he had seen our daughter and said that ex was missing out on being part of her life. Ex flipped out on him and said that he "disowns him", he doesn't have a father anymore.  Now his father is upset. I will just keep doing what I am doing and let their drama be between them. The path of chaos they wreak is just ridiculous. I am so thankful that our daughter is only 2 and a half. She is happily oblivious for the time being anyway.

[david]

If you have a tape of the incident I would get the police involved. Get a police report also with the other employees stating their experiences. You have to think long term. If he gets better that is good. If he stays the same he needs to be stopped. Think about your daughter as she gets older. Better to deal with this now.

[ForeverDad]

This is why the police need to be involved the next time(s).  The court has the impression he's okay (or not too bad) and figures a reintroduction to his daughter is the fix.  The court hasn't seen him every time he's been acting weird.  Police reports will help.  Especially if you're going to give notice of a move within a year.

Clearly the others are trying not to expose you to all that has been happening... .or they don't want to get involved?  Why doesn't the boss want you to see the recordings?  Maybe he wasn't all that gentle while helping Ex out the door?

[david]

Since they have been allowing him to act this way he will continue. Setting a boundary by getting the police involved should stop it. However, since he has been doing this for a while he may need more than one time for the police to be called. The first time would probably be a warning from the police. The second time he will probably be arrested. They will step it up each time increasing the consequences until he figures it out especially if they are reminded each time.

[HappyChappy]

Hi Rarsweet

I’m sorry you are having to deal with this. I know the Police in my country don’t always jump the first time you call them, so it’s a good idea to get a complain in earlier. As they take more note, the next time you call them. Also if he was sat in a Truck whilst under the influence of drugs, that’s against the law and a great opportunity to get him booked, but also step him towards getting help for his drug dependency. This was the advice I was given when someone was trying to put the frighteners on me, and I wished I’d done it earlier. What’s the worst thing that could happen if you involve the Police ?

[ForeverDad]

Also if he was sat in a Truck whilst under the influence of drugs, that’s against the law and a great opportunity to get him booked, but also step him towards getting help for his drug dependency.

I've heard of that.  In some places it's against the law to even sleep in your vehicle while intoxicated.  The legal premise could be that he previously drove intoxicated to where he was found or he could start the car and try to drive intoxicated.  So some lawyers say the only way to sit or sleep in a car while under the influence is to be unable to drive it such as by making the keys as inaccessible as possible.