Is anybody else going through a breakup over the holidays?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi all. My uBPDw and step-daughter are moving out December 28. Several weeks ago now we decided to split. Overall it has been pretty stable. A few outbursts here and there. I went elsewhere for Thanksgiving. I am the cook in the family and I usually would prepare a big feast. Nope. Not this year. I accepted an invitation to celebrate Thanksgiving with a friend's family. I took a few bottles of our nicest wine. She did not see me walk out the door with them. After I left I got a text from her expressing her "displeasure" with that. I ignored it. When I returned home I found her watching a movie REALLY LOUD. When I greeted her she replied curtly " I am watching a movie". Okkkaaaayyy. So I went upstairs to bed. After I was asleep I heard her come in, make a surely comment of no significance and leave. Then I had a fabulous sleep.
Honestly I am doing way better than expected. I think that it is because I can "taste" the relief of having her gone, the relief of not having daily arguments, the relief of not having to avoid MY OWN HOUSE anymore just to avoid her and the SD.
I am looking forward to peace and getting myself back again. My friends, of which I am lucky enough to have many supportive ones, are ecstatic. They can't wait to come over and help me sage the house and hang out without stress. Some have avoided coming over because they don't like the vibe they got from my uBPDw.
I am going to decorate my house for Christmas. I have decided NOT to be miserable and suffer through the holidays. Yes, it is an effort. I might not do as good a job as I normally do but I am going to do it nonetheless. I feel that I owe it to my house to adorn it. I tend to personify my house and feel that it has been unhappy for the last two years.
I do have down times though. Mornings are the hardest for me. As the day goes on I am better. Some days are better, some are worse. I try to tell myself that I have a choice in how I am going to feel. I can't control her or how she will treat me. I can control myself and make my own choices now which include to stay positive and be civil to her. Sometimes I have to tap into the anger by thinking about the horrible things of the last two years or read some of the things I wrote in the worst of times.
I am going to be spending my Christmas out of town with my daughter in Miami. Walking along the beach, feeling the warm sun, drinking a mojito or two, listening to Reggaeton and Salsa.
Wearing my panama hat and shorts and just enjoying being alive with the most important person on earth... .my little girl.
Life is about the people who love you and respect you. THAT is what matters. Perhaps these relationships that we had with BPD people were just blips in our lives... .at least that is the way I want to look at it. Sure I spent a butt load of money, drained my savings and sanity and generally got my heart broken in the worst of ways, but I am alive. And I am going to make the best out of the rest of my life.
I would be interested to hear your stories. How are you doing? What feelings are you wrestling with? Are the holidays making it worse for you emotionally? How are you coping?
Stay strong my friends!
Michel

[michel71]

Hi all. My uBPDw and step-daughter are moving out December 28. Several weeks ago now we decided to split. Overall it has been pretty stable. A few outbursts here and there. I went elsewhere for Thanksgiving. I am the cook in the family and I usually would prepare a big feast. Nope. Not this year. I accepted an invitation to celebrate Thanksgiving with a friend's family. I took a few bottles of our nicest wine. She did not see me walk out the door with them. After I left I got a text from her expressing her "displeasure" with that. I ignored it. When I returned home I found her watching a movie REALLY LOUD. When I greeted her she replied curtly " I am watching a movie". Okkkaaaayyy. So I went upstairs to bed. After I was asleep I heard her come in, make a surely comment of no significance and leave. Then I had a fabulous sleep.
Honestly I am doing way better than expected. I think that it is because I can "taste" the relief of having her gone, the relief of not having daily arguments, the relief of not having to avoid MY OWN HOUSE anymore just to avoid her and the SD.
I am looking forward to peace and getting myself back again. My friends, of which I am lucky enough to have many supportive ones, are ecstatic. They can't wait to come over and help me sage the house and hang out without stress. Some have avoided coming over because they don't like the vibe they got from my uBPDw.
I am going to decorate my house for Christmas. I have decided NOT to be miserable and suffer through the holidays. Yes, it is an effort. I might not do as good a job as I normally do but I am going to do it nonetheless. I feel that I owe it to my house to adorn it. I tend to personify my house and feel that it has been unhappy for the last two years.
I do have down times though. Mornings are the hardest for me. As the day goes on I am better. Some days are better, some are worse. I try to tell myself that I have a choice in how I am going to feel. I can't control her or how she will treat me. I can control myself and make my own choices now which include to stay positive and be civil to her. Sometimes I have to tap into the anger by thinking about the horrible things of the last two years or read some of the things I wrote in the worst of times.
I am going to be spending my Christmas out of town with my daughter in Miami. Walking along the beach, feeling the warm sun, drinking a mojito or two, listening to Reggaeton and Salsa.
Wearing my panama hat and shorts and just enjoying being alive with the most important person on earth... .my little girl.
Life is about the people who love you and respect you. THAT is what matters. Perhaps these relationships that we had with BPD people were just blips in our lives... .at least that is the way I want to look at it. Sure I spent a butt load of money, drained my savings and sanity and generally got my heart broken in the worst of ways, but I am alive. And I am going to make the best out of the rest of my life.
I would be interested to hear your stories. How are you doing? What feelings are you wrestling with? Are the holidays making it worse for you emotionally? How are you coping?
Stay strong my friends!
Michel

[joeramabeme]

Hi Michel

Last year was my first holiday season and it was a mix.  On the one hand, it felt freeing to not have all the intensity and eggshells that I had and then on the other it all felt deeply sad wondering what happened and why me.

This year is a little better but much the same.  Sadness, WTF happened, what am I doing with my life.  Like you, I am headed to Fla for Xmas break.  Pondering life from the beach is somewhat cool and quite fun.  I think you got the hang of doing what is needed to help yourself work through it.

In time, I hope to meet someone else that I can share holidays with.  Best wishes... .