My First Relationship was a BPD Relationship. Eek.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So you probably already guessed from the title, but I'll beat you to it. Yeah, this screwed me up big time. At the age of 23, I am just getting out of my first adult relationship with a child in an adult's body. A very, very attractive body. With a really heavenly smile.

What has helped you guys in detaching? People who do not know the specifics of my relationship haven't been able to understand why 3 months out I'm still completely obsessed and confused and easily triggered by things. It makes for an even more difficult time. Anything you guys can think of other than maintaining NC, which I've done, that might help me in my process? At this rate it feels like by the time I'm emotionally over this, I'll have lost all my weight and I'll be unappealing to most anyone.

[seeperplexed]

So you probably already guessed from the title, but I'll beat you to it. Yeah, this screwed me up big time. At the age of 23, I am just getting out of my first adult relationship with a child in an adult's body. A very, very attractive body. With a really heavenly smile.

What has helped you guys in detaching? People who do not know the specifics of my relationship haven't been able to understand why 3 months out I'm still completely obsessed and confused and easily triggered by things. It makes for an even more difficult time. Anything you guys can think of other than maintaining NC, which I've done, that might help me in my process? At this rate it feels like by the time I'm emotionally over this, I'll have lost all my weight and I'll be unappealing to most anyone.

[valet]

When I take an honest look at my relationship history, it's also filled with several people that had traits of the disorder. It wasn't pretty mostly, and there were constant ups and downs along the way. Often times it really takes hitting that breaking point to realize we need to re-evaluate our relationship choices.

In other words, this is an opportunity, and a fairly big one at that. Other than NC, I would recommend seeing a therapist or some kind of mentor that takes control of their own happiness. And going through the lessons and workshops here have helped me quite a bit to figure out when to slow down and really think about the consequences of my decisions.

This is all about self-awareness, and knowing what to do in the situations that we encounter in all facets of our lives. Acknowledging our own behavior is the first step. So where would you like to go from here? Try writing a list!

[joeramabeme]

seeperplexed

Have been thinking of what helped me to detach and honestly there is no one thing I did.  A year has gone by and looking back over it I have been kind of numb and becoming more aware of how far out of touch I was with her reality.  

As painful as this awareness has been, it has also helped me in the detaching process because I can see how I completely misread and willingly glossed over so many of the clues.  As I see her more clearly, the detachment is more complete.  It is no less surreal or painful - just less intense and not as constant.  

I have managed to get back into things I enjoy and I also like being around others more and am not so beaten down.  I hate to say it, but if you give it more time by reading and getting counseling (if needed), the detaching will happen without trying to.

[lovenature]

My first relationship was also with a PWBPD and I am older than you.

I found the best things for me, along with strict NC of course, was to learn as much as I could about this awful disorder and why I got into a BPD relationship, and stayed as long as I did trying so hard to make it work, also to always be realistic about what I went through; there is no possible way that ANYONE who hasn't lived through it can ever fathom it!
It is a very serious mental illness, take it one day at a time, accept your thoughts and feelings-just let them come and go. Don't try and force your recovery-you will just prolong it, it takes what it takes.