New user

[Idesellenrof]

Hi everybody,
I'm in a real mess, I have been with my boyfriend for just under a year and I feel like I'm losing my mind.  I've just now found resources that seem to indicate he's BP.  The thanksgiving holiday was a complete mess and we've literally been arguing for the last 5 days.  As I've been learning more and more about this condition, I realize how much I've done that triggered his abandonment issues... .While at the same time I feel as though I'm emotionally exhausted and no one should have to deal with the craziness I've endured.  We're not talking right now, mainly because every time we interact it starts out ok, but soon becomes a whirlwind of accusations and grievances (from him). After a year of this, I have begun getting less level-headed when I speak to him and I feel like I'm starting to actually do the things he was once just accusing me of.  I want to break the ice and talk to him... .But I have no idea how to approach him... .What to say when I call.  Any advice?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[ArleighBurke]

Hi and welcome! There are MANY people on this site who know just how draining living with a BPD is. Even just talking with a BPD can be very difficult. But it can get easier!

I would suggest reading up about Validation. This is a conversation skill that should make conversations less likely to explode. The key is to realise that when he talks, you need to be listening to what he FEELS, not what he SAYS (and ignore the CAUSE of what he feels, just focus on what he feels now). Read it here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0

The best way to learn is through specific examples. Post some conversations here and we can guide you through the mess.

It can get better! Just be patient... .