Hi NB8,
Like many children of BPD parents, it sounds like you've been made to feel your whole life that not only were you responsible for her feelings, but also her identity, at the expense of your own.
This is so, so true. I empathize so much with what you're dealing with, and I too have severe anxiety.
I actually moved my family to the
same town as my mom in hopes of making her happier. When I stepped back and realized just how deeply entrenched I was, it was very upsetting. (And angering.)
It's taken me most of this year to free myself from the "Fear Obligation Guilt" cycle that I've been stuck in for most of my adult life. By reducing contact with her and no longer feeling any guilt about it, I'm becoming a much more confident person and I'm figuring out what I really want to do with my life now. I can't believe how much I relied on my mom's opinion, when she can barely hold her own life together. Trust me, it does get easier with time. When you set boundaries and limit contact, it's like a fog gradually clearing up. But it's definitely not easy.