Hi Curiously,
Those moments are hard because they feel very poignant, don't they? There's nothing wrong with missing someone, nothing at all wrong with still caring for them and wishing them well. It shows you are a compassionate human being.
It's good you say you won't do anything impulsive and that you recognise the pull to do that. You say she'll be graduating soon. So it's not today or tomorrow and she's not likely to get a job and leave town before the week is out. So there's no rush, is there?
When I had moments like this, and sometimes they lasted for a day or longer, I either reminded myself that I wanted and needed to take care of myself with the same feeling I had towards "taking care" of my ex. I tried to give myself that same kind of feeling. Does that make sense?
If that really didn't work, I reminded myself of some of the hurts I had experienced and the possibility of being met with a cold indifference, if I suddenly turned up, or its opposite. And then I thought what might happen if he was delighted or relieved to see me. I thought about the danger that still represented to me, because I still might be taken in by that (fleeting) feeling from him. Nope, it wasn't worth the risk. I'd done it before and knew I could not trust myself any more than I could trust him
"There is no reason to see her just because I care about her."
No, there isn't. Not if there's a real risk to yourself. Be steady here and see how the feeling develops, or doesn't, over the next few days. That would be my wish for you.
Thanks VitaminC
Yes... I feel this urgency to see her because I do not when she will leave town. But for what? Why am I panicking from the idea of the possibility of never being able to just bump into her in the future?or the next year? I've been fine with NC but at the same time I know she's in town so maybe that made me feel a little more comfortable.
I will try and take a few days before I do something impulsive.
Anything could happen if I show up. I could be met with a cold indifference you are right and that will hurt and if she is happy to see me and comes onto me then that might be hard to resist too.
Especially that I feel the need to just hold her. I know where that can lead.
The way I am concerned for her, you're right, I need to redirect that to myself again, when I feel the need to check on how she is doing on her own again.
