I am lost

[taty1124]

I believe my partner has BPD although she has not been formally diagnosed. She has however been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, depression and PTSD and day to day is a struggle and morally/emotionally defeating for me. The fits of rage over simple things (or at least what I perceive are simple) are ridiculous. When we argue, it is a constant struggle because I am consistently being asked to leave the house. She is always on the defensive, I have to watch what I say and how I say it, nothing ever pleases her. If she wants something and asks me for it; it gets done. However, the same is not reciprocated. The constant berating and insulting has driven me over the edge to the point of shutting down completely. I just don't know what to do.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Recovering480]

Hello,

I think "Conflicted or Deciding on a Relationship" is a good start. I spent some time reading all the posts and I was amazed by how many of us there are. You are not lost. You are not alone. There are some amazing folks here who provide great advice. And I found it's just the talking that helps.

Best of luck to you.

[ArleighBurke]

Hi and welcome.

Raging is very common for a BPD, and BPD is often not diagnosed.

This site has a lot of resources and we should be able to help you calm things a lot. The menu on the right has a lot of resourses. I would recommend reading about Validation first - it's a conversation technique to help you both talk better. https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0

The big thing with BPD is understanding that they are VERY emotional people. When they argue, yell, etc they are operating on PURE EMOTION. Just like if your 3yr old yelled "i hate you - I wish you were dead" when you refuse her icecream - that's kinda like a BPD. They mean what they say at that moment, but it's not real. Later they will feel different. So when listening to her - you need to ignore her words, ignore her logic, just listen to the emotion behind it.

Also, there are some great published books around. Try "Stop walking on eggshells".