my husband has BPD, Bipolar and MDD and I want him to be happy and our marriage

[kitana]

Hi

We have been married from 18 months and know each other from more than 2 years. Before engagement (Nov'15) or relationship was good. sonn after engagement, I started feeling ignorant, not loved, and lack of emotional connect from his side. It only got worsen after few months of our marriage. there are times, when he makes me feel loved but then there are exactly opposite times where i feel unwanted in his life. he has mood swings, all the tantrums to through. considering always himself and his comfort while making all the decision. even if once in a blue moon he would listen to me, it seems he is just doing for the sake of it or to have a upper hand and not because it would make me feel happy. so i was getting emotionally exhausted. and then i came to know. he has been cheating on me from very first day of our marriage. he had this "friends with benefits" not even a girlfriend( only for physical relationship) even before our marriage. I saw all the dirty chats even after our engagement, after marriage and he is still involved with her. however, her husband  caught her and told me the truth and gave all the evidences and then my husband had to admit. but he told he want to save our marriage. but my family was terrified (there were much more things like that girl accused that he makes nude videos of girls and blackmails them which somehow my heart don't believe) so My family told him and his family that we have decided for divorce. but just before this incident he told me he is getting into depression so we went to psychiatrist and that doc told me he has these three disorders. and he loved this girl and involved physically  both. I have been reading about these and want to know if these are curable, I want to standby him and willing to whatever, if i can help getting out of this and our marriage can survive. please help me how should I do this.

[Mutt]

Hi kitina, 



I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. Oh boy, affairs are painful.  I'm sorry that you're going through this.

I'm glad that you decided to join us, many of our members here can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. You're not alone.  It helps to read as much as you can about his disorders, you'll quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time.

Can BPD be cured or go into remission?

How did he take the diagnosis?

[kitana]

After he caught up cheating on me. the girl's husband told me and girl herself admitted. even after this he was not admitting the fact that he cheated one me. he said he was just in touch with her . he said he is sorry that he lied to me (because 6 months back i made him block her for second time from his phone and told him that one more time you talk to her and our marriage is over).

so, he said I have lost zeal in life and that's y i m not paying attention to you it's not that am looking something else outside the marriage. so, just to give him a chance to prove himself We went to a Psychiatrist.

So, that psychiatrist told that he has all these 3 disorders.

so when bad times come, everything turns out to be bad.

after the session, that psychiatrist started hitting on me. and he is 50 year old doctor with 4 phd degrees.
I now doubt his diagnosis as well.
I'm in a complete mess.

[Mutt]

I'm sorry that things are really difficult for you right now  He probably feels a lot of shame and that's why he's denying it. Regardless of his lying, you can tell what the truth is. What a horrible thing say to justify his behavior with inattentiveness. I wasn't excited when my ex was treating me horribly and cheating.

The psychiatrist was his idea? That's very unprofessional to hit on you. You could report him? I'd suggest getting another opinion from a different P if that's what you choose. Have you thought about seeing a psychologist or a therapist to help you with your feelings about his infidelity?  

I'm getting the impression that he's using mental illness as a reason why he behaves the way that he does? I could also be wrong. Mental illness is not an excuse, he has an obligation to take care of his mental illness.

[kitana]

we went to another counselor. i told him that i need second opinion as the prev doc said our marriage will not be a happy marriage( since that doctor didn't reveal about his disorders in front of him). so we went to another doctor, there she hinted at Bipolar but said she can't ell her diagnosis without his parents being present.

But after that My family took me back because they think I have been living with a criminal and I am not safe with him.

so we have been not living together since then. it's been 14 days now and my family wants me to move on and don't want me to visit any psychiatrist.

But I'm still not able to cope up with this and constantly thinking is so much has happened.I was anyways not happy with him. he cheated on me. he still hasn't expressed himself in front of my family that he is guilty and he won't do it again. all he kept saying that I did make mistake but all the accussations are false and i'm tired to giving explanations. he was crying while sayig this. he even threaten everyone by trying to commit suicide. which my faily say was just a hoax to threaten us, he was not going to do anything. But I have seen him self harming when he used to ight with his father. he used to bang his head on walls.

I have no clear answers otherwise if someone had betrayed on me.I would have kicked on his balls and move on. But im not yet convinced that he has been doing it because he is cunning and a cheater and it was all his mistake.

i always feel there is something else to the stor.

so after doctors hinted on those disorders, i started reading abot it. and i have been reading alot.
so that's y i am now trying to get solution on internet

[Mutt]

I think that you want to know if there's a cure and if things are going to get better? Your family doesn't want you to check into a psychiatrist because that want you to be with him. Family usually mean well, they love you unconditionally, but this is your experience, you can't just "get over it" It doesn't work like that.

Nobody can tell you what the future will be. You can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves. We all tell white lies, but if he's lying, its probably hard for him to look at his own actions and you need to do that if you're going to do self work. Can he do that?

Have you also thought about what if he doesn't get better? This is a very real possibility. If that's the case, then you could radically accept him for who he is. Above all is you, regardless of what your family wants or what your H wants, what do you want? You have the right to be happy.