Omittion of facts

[BigFoote]

Thank you for taking your time to read and giving me some advice. My wife seems to have a constant feeling that i'm somehow deceiving her, cheating, talking to people she doesn't know etc. I received a message on my phone from my father, looked at it sitting next to her and she accused me of hiding the screen. I said I was not hiding the screen and I didn't appreciate the accusation. She then lied to me and suggested that she was joking. I sometimes joke with her like this and she wanted to know why she couldn't make the same joke? I told her, I knew she wasn't joking and I did not like what she was doing to me. I explained that I know she isn't being truthful and its upsetting that she is willing to start an argument over it.

Sometime the next week she goes to therapy and speaks to her therapist about the situation. She explains to her that I was upset because I didn't want to show her my phone and doesn't mention that she lied and suggested it was a joke. She says her therapist thinks I shouldn't get upset that she wants to see the message that came into my phone. The truth is I had nothing to hide, I didn't like that she was lying to me and I don't appreciate being accused of hiding something from her. I let her know if she would like to see the message, just ask me.

I explained to her that changing the events and suggesting to your therapist I am upset you want to see a message in my phone in dishonest. She says she left those details out because they didn't matter. I feel as though she is purposely omitting those details to make me appear irrational. This happens often and I don't know how to approach this situation.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[drained1996]

Hello BigFoote, we are glad you found us, you'll find your story many times here.  You mention your wife sees a therapist, has she been diagnosed and is going for treatment? 
One fact I like to share that I learned in my journey was that we cannot change them (that's their job), but we can change how we react and communicate with them.  That is something that can be a huge help.  To the right of this page you will see some tools and lessons you will find to be a huge help in your own journey. 
Also, you may find it helpful to look at the stories of others here, you will note that you are not alone as many will mirror your own path.  You can also get some helpful hints in those threads from the responses others share and their own experiences of things that work... .and don't. 
Feel free to share, you've found the right place.   

[jrharvey]

I have been through this exact same situation a million times. Trust your gut. Don't live in her reality. Always stay in your own reality because she will try to twist it. She is paranoid about you cheating. That's her paranoia and its not you doing something wrong. Reading a text from your dad is not wrong. That's what she is paranoid about. If you weren't hiding it then don't buy into it and don't jade or argue.